I have tried it all.  I turned to God first, and I still do, but some days I can't even pray. I've been to a doctor, a psychiatrist, a counselor.  I've been medicated, and not medicated.   Some days I am not happy to be alive - and I feel guilty for feeling this way.  Does everyone?  I think of all the saddest things I can think of - I pile on the grief that I imagine everyone else is going through, over various situations, and tell myself "your grief is not that bad".  Your grand babies are still alive and you should be happy they are healthy and doing well - even though it is without me. It might always be without me.  Or us.  My husband misses them as much as I do.  I try so hard to get up, to get out, to do something, just to have the first "family" commercial, or the sight of a real life grand parent and child, send me running for cover.  It has been two and half years.  When does this get easier?

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