My journey or  “second life” began on  June 11, 2012 at 8:45PM — the moment I’ve realized that I’ve lost Derek — my best friend, true love and soul mate suddenly and unexpectedly.

How would I have described my life if I had met you prior to 8:45PM that evening? I would have said that I was a seasoned marketer, working at an amazing job, who holds a degree in International Relations with a language proficiency in Japanese (remind me one day to tell you the story of how I transitioned from national security to marketing strategy).  In my life I’ve also been a DJ, an Interior Designer, Crafter, Cook and avid Video Gamer. One of my closest friends coined me with the moniker of “Modern-day Michelangela.”  More importantly, I had the love of an AMAZING man.

However, I would have also shared with you that the life I had was considered a miracle. I lost my mother as a young child and took on the immediate role as best friend and care giver for my maternal grandmother. By the time I was 30 years old, I had lost both parents, all of my grandparents, an aunt, uncles and a host of other family members. I couldn’t understand what I did to God in order to experience such suffering however was thankful that the experience didn’t ruin me. I felt God gave me a gift when I met Derek and learned the true meaning of loving selflessly.

Derek’s departure from this life is still new and with all of the raw emotions, denial, guilt and pain of grief. However as you read through my stories, you will know as I do that he didn’t want me to give up and that God does not give us what we can’t handle. And with that in mind, I move toward this difficult and painful healing process. I’ve started this blog as a way to provide myself creative therapy, meditation, as well as a platform to connect with new people and moments as if he were living through me.

Now, I write about my ongoing journey to finding the calmness through the chaos. Thank you in advance for reading and walking with me.

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Comment by Yaz Rooney on August 16, 2012 at 8:16am

You're very strong Valerie, and an inspiration to others. Yaz

Comment by Jane P. on August 9, 2012 at 8:27pm

Valerie, I am so sorry for your loss and even sorrier you had to join us on this rollercoaster called grief.  The ride you are about to take will be like no other.  When you loose your soulmate a part of you seems to ascend into the heavens with them.  I always say there are no good ways to die when you are the survivor.  We are the ones to pick up all the pieces and start anew.  But I truly believe their spirt lives on around us and in our hearts so even though they are not physically here they are spiritually. So look for that shining star, listen for those few lyrics that jump out at you and remind you of him, that cool breeze out of no where, a familiar smell, all are triggers the little taps on the shoulder saying I am here, you just need to believe. 

You have come to a great site, where we are all grieving and all in different stages of grief.  We pass no judgements and we too are trying to find a new normal in all of this.  Come hear often even if it is to read posts.  You will find comfort within this site.  Hugs, Jane P.


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