Monday its been 10 months since my brother passed away from Alcoholims. He had just turned 32.  The process of grief has been so hard and overwhelming. Ive always been emotional and spiritual.  Some days its feels like days ago that this happened.  I still drive by his old apt and just sit there staring in like i may find something. With xmas around the corner I am finding it so hard to want to even deal with this holiday. My last xmas i had to ask my brother to leve as he showed up intoxicated int he afternoon. It turned ugly and now that is my last xmas memory with him.  I know people say to just make new traditions and carry through as best you can.  I have a 6 year old so there is no skipping christmas.  Just putting up the tree was so hard and i couldnt stop crying.  I always felt at xmas time for all the people who suffer loss and poverty and sadness.  This year i am one of those people.  It just still is so baffling to me why it had to be now. so young and he anted to live and get better.  God has a path for us all. I wish somehow his was not what it was.  To all of the people here that are heart broken i hopethat we all find a way somehow to be grateful for what we still have.  No one truly understands our grief unless you have experienced it first hand.  Im finding it hard to keep talking to people about how sad i am and how i dont know how to make it through the holidays.