On November 18th, it will be five long months since I lost my Mom. The guilt and regrets are still there; however, I can tell you that it is not as bad. I live in another state from my Mom and getting back after she died was not an easy task. But I managed to go a few weeks back, and it really did me good. I was able to go the cemetery and have a good talk with her, and my Dad. I felt as though she could hear me and understand; and somehow made me feel better. I did the same things we did when I would visit, and as crazy as it sounds, I felt as though she was in the car with me.
Sleep is still difficult, but I don't cry every night. I miss her terribly, but the knot in my stomach is not as big. I still have a hard time being around older people, but I don't run out of the grocery store anymore. I think about her alot, but not every single minute.
Even though I know her spirit is in Heaven with my Dad and the rest of the family, sitting down at the tomb and talking to her really helped me out tremendously. I think I'll be alright now and am beginning to get on with my life.