On November 18th, it will be five long months since I lost my Mom.  The guilt and regrets are still there; however, I can tell you that it is not as bad. I live in another state from my Mom and getting back after she died was not an easy task. But I managed to go a few weeks back, and it really did me good.  I was able to go the cemetery and have a good talk with her, and my Dad.  I felt as though she could hear me and understand; and somehow made me feel better. I did the same things we did when I would visit, and as crazy as it sounds, I felt as though she was in the car with me.

Sleep is still difficult, but I don't cry every night. I miss her terribly, but the knot in my stomach is not as big. I still have a hard time being around older people, but I don't run out of the grocery store anymore. I think about her alot, but not every single minute.

Even though I know her spirit is in Heaven with my Dad and the rest of the family, sitting down at the tomb and talking to her really helped me out tremendously. I think I'll be alright now and am beginning to get on with my life.

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Comment by Gina Mason on November 29, 2011 at 2:52pm

Hi Linda,

The coincidence with our "dates" is kind of funny! It sounds like 1992 was just awful for you and your family.  My 2005 year from hell oozed into 2006 and I thought it all was never going to end.   I am still having repercussions from it all.  A few weeks after my mom died, I also quit my job of 26 years.  I had a lot on my plate with that job.  I managed the business for my brother-in-law and sister.  The massive sexual harassment from him was unbearable. I did everything I could think of tho make him stop, but it never lasted very long.  I finally had to tell my sister what he was doing.  It caused a MAJOR uproar between the 3 of us and it got better and stayed that way for approx. 6 months and then he started again.   Losing my mother was devastating and I was barely making it through the day when he once again made a daring, physical sexual suggestion and then said, "I'm giving you a break since your mom just died."  That was the end.  I didn't say one word, I just packed my stuff and left and never went back.  My sister thought I just needed some time off to mourn at first.  I didn't want to hurt her again with this, but it had to be done.  It took her a long time to come to grips with how bad it was and that killed me inside.  I called my BIL and told him that he HAD to tell her the truth because I finally told my husband what he had been doing to me for 26 years.  So, add up all this trauma for 2005 and be amazed that we all lived through it and  my dear, sweet sister is still my very best friend.  

I know this story has nothing to do with the subject matter of this article.  I just wanted to share more of my year from hell with you!  I truly believe we are more resilient than we think.

Comment by Linda Torres on November 28, 2011 at 12:11pm

Hi Gina,

1992 was my year from hell...Daddy died in Feb, his brother who was like my second father died in April, Mom had her first stroke that Dec, plus 2 natural disasters in between March and Dec; one could've killed Mom. I have talked to Daddy and my Uncle many, many,many times during the past 19 years and my Grandmother. But for some reason, talking to Mom didn't help...I had to go to the grave to talk to her. I guess it was the only way to get the irrational regrets to subside. I miss them terribly and know they will always be in the heart and I will always talk to them. Your Mom died on the 4th which is my Mom's birthday. 

Thanks for the thoughts and post.  

Comment by Gina Mason on November 27, 2011 at 4:07pm

Linda~

I lost my dad 2/25/05 and then my mom 11/4/05. Very difficult month. I STILL (and will always) talk to them both!  I ask daddy's advice on anything I'm concerned with and I am always comforted after and things always work out the way I'm sure he would have advised.  I talk to my mom when I'm cooking and at night as I'm falling asleep. I believe it's just the normal thing to do! It sounds like it's helping you and I KNOW it helps me! 

 

You are not alone! 

Wishing you comfort and peace.

~~Gina

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