Grief and loss over a loved one is not usually a constant low point but a continually oscillation of highs and lows like mountains and valleys.
There will be bad days, but also days where you actually may have interest or feel normal. Then as quickly as that day goes by, the night may bring a reminder of the loss.
This is natural. One should not feel hopeless in the valleys. One should understand it is natural to grieve something or someone so important. It is perfectly fine to cry and let oneself feel the pain.
However, one should also not feel guilty during the better times of grieving. One should not feel guilty over feeling normal. You are not betraying the person by smiling. Instead, allow your body to heal during these phases.
Ultimately, the valleys become less deep and intense but more gradual and lessen out to a more level and constant plain of existence. An existence that does not forget the loss but is able to better cope and exist.
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C
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