I lost my wonderful Brad just over a month ago.  In our 34 years together, I never saw him sick until the last 8 days of his life.  Living without him is excruciating I have attended a Hospice bereavement group, but they are not "my kind of people".  I am fortunate to have a lot of support, but sometimes feel that my grief is considered insignificant because we are gay.  I don't know how to go on... 

Pat Habkirk

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Comment by Barbara Rieger on July 1, 2013 at 3:07pm

Patrick, I can understand what it's like to lose a loved one. Just 3 years and 3 months ago in 4 days my only son an only child Joe passed at 42 years old. November 2012 my mother passed and today attended the funeral of my last auntie.

I've attended a bereavement group after my son passed and one woman was there for the demise of her second husband. You can imagine how annoyed I was when she was going on about her living son who she enabled as an alcoholic. I couldn't stand listening to her go on about her worthless lazy crummy son because my son Joe was killed by a drunk driver after leaving our home Easter 2010. I stopped going to the bereavement group. You see Pat  I too felt the people there were not my kind of people either.

Yes it's fortunate that you have a lot of support but your grief can't be considered insignificant because you are gay. During a few times in my life I had become friends with gay individuals. And when a gay friend Tony I worked with told me how his younger partner took off with all his belongings I understood his pain. I hugged him and understood how hurt he felt because he cared and trusted this individual.  It wasn't any different than when a woman had a husband who's husband did the same thing to her. I sympathized and comforted him like any straight friend of mine.

The way to go on is to put one foot in front of the other. Continue doing what you did before;as best as you can. You can look into being involved in doing something new to help others in your community. I'm not saying it will be easy but you may feel that you want to scream, cry or break something. (Not too valuable) But go ahead and do it, that can give you physical relief. I also recommend writing letters to Brad just telling him how you feel and what you are doing.
It's very new and you may experience many feelings that no one wants to experience. Nonetheless, life goes on and so can you!

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