Today is your birthday, November 27th, 2011. You will not be here to celebrate with me. Tomorrow, November 28th, 2011, is my birthday. You will not be here to celebrate it with me, AGAIN. I can't pick up the phone to tell you what I want to say, so I'll get on my hands and knees and bow my head and ask God to send you this birthday message:

Hey Big Guy,

                      Today you would have been 42, but you're not. You are forever 41. I wanted to call you, I wanted to take you out to eat to celebrate our double birthday extravaganza. I wanted to make jokes at your expense and laugh until my sides hurt. I wanted to go to Walmart and pick out some CRAZY gift that you would NEVER use, just to see the look on your face. Just so we could bust out laughing at how completely silly we are when we're together. But there is NO laughter, there is only silence. If I could have one wish for my birthday, it would have been to hear your voice. I promise I wouldn't take you away from the place that needs you now, but I would want to hear you laugh. A big BOOMING laugh that would come down from the Heavens and spread throughout the world. If I could just have that one wish, everyone in the world would smile at the same time, even the ones who NEVER smile. You always had that affect on everyone. You were the only person who could make me laugh and smile and giggle no matter what!! This is for you my friend:

I wish you a Happy Birthday

Up in that big blue sky

I want to laugh when I think of you

But its mostly only cries.

I thought about you yesterday

Tears rolled down my face

I thought about you again today

The tears began to race.

I'll think about your silly jokes

And want to laugh so bad

I know its just a memory

But one I'm glad I had.

As the days go by, I hope

The tears begin to dry

But everytime I say your name

it always makes me cry.

Time is supposed to heal me

that's what everybody says

but time is taking way too long

and time is what I dread.

For each day that passes

I can not have you here

Is just another lonely day

My eyes are filled with tears.

So while you're up there waiting

Don't forget to save my place

Eventually I'll be there

With a smile upon my face.

~with love: Stephanie