I'm trying so hard to be strong so that I don't worry people. Most of the time I manage to hide the tears until I'm alone and then I fall apart. I don't know how to live my life without you. Thinking about the holidays coming up, knowing that this was your favorite time of year. We had such big plans this year and I know you were so excited about them and now it just seems so empty thinking about them without you. Everyone is still planning on coming to GA to spend the holidays here with us and I'm really trying to come up with ways that will help to include you but I'm just so lost.
The other day I was at the gas station pumping gas and the pump stopped in the middle of pumping and went back to 0.00. I couldn't figure out how that happened. I went back in the store where the clerk had insisted that it was not possible and that he was the only one that could reset that pump. I went back out and started the pump again and all of a sudden the wind picked up and I could almost hear you laugh. Was it you??? I want so badly to believe that it was you being mischevious as you so often were. I could hear Gotcha Mom. I wasn't usually on the receiving end of your pranks. That was left to you and Don but I could feel you there and I could hear your laugh. The clerk was mystified and insisted that it was impossible. Did you make that happen?
I miss you so much sweetie. The whole that has been left in my heart is unbearable most of the time. I put on a brave face for everyone but I feel broken. Don said something about me going back to work and trying to get things back to normal. How can it ever be normal again. My normal is you being here with me, not this. You were one of the sweetest people that I know and for this to happen to you is just so unfair. I don't care what anyone says in my heart I know that you weren't ready to go. You had so much living to do. I wanted to see you get married and I wanted to become a Grandma. It seems like every hope and dream that I had died with you in that car accident.
I would give anything to wake up from this nightmare. To see your beautiful smiling face. To hear "I love you Momma". God, this is just so unfair. I Love You now and Always baby. I hope you can feel that and know that there isn't a minute in the day that I don't think about you and miss you.