My message for Valerie Moor and others in our daily voyage: It is awful to loose one of our children. Needles to say, our lives change forever and can not be restored to how it was previously. Grief sucks. Grief (if we allow it) can kill us or can lead to us killing ourselves.) However, and in my case, the grief journey without a Higher Power is almost impossible to get to a point where we can continue to live. I believe that it is a Higher Power that allows for us moms and for men to generate LIFE, to create life in a human being. It is a Higher Power that makes for that tiny being to breath right after he/she comes out of his/her mom's womb. It is the same Higher Power that is present (though we might not believe how can it be?) when a person breathes his/last breath. Awful, ugly, sad, desperation, helplessness......and all that accompanies grieving our loved ones. None the less, if our Creator would have felt that us parents needed to go and accompany our child, I believe that some way, some how, HE in His infinite mercy would have allowed for us to leave this world too. But since that is not our case, and I would be a liar if I said that grief is an easy process, but in my case, I promised my son that I would be OK. When I have been in bad, very bad shape, I have told him: I know I told you that I would be fine but right now, I'm just being your mom. Let me be your mom while this difficult journey lasts. But I know and I have proven it that by the grace of God and because I know that my Higher Power/Jehova God for me is not going to allow for me to experience what I can not handle. Oscar had to go. His mission on earth was completed. NO, I can not hug nor kiss my son. He can not hug me, call me, tell me "cut the crap" when I mingled into his business. But I know that with God's help, I am going to be OK. It is going to take a little longer. Most likely we will feel worse than at the beginning, but that's an indication that we MUST experience grief before we can accept our reality. I encourage you to meditate and to pray. To get out and do things for other people. To quit indulging in "self-pity", if that's possible. Go to the nearest hospital and speak to a chaplain who can refer you to grief support groups. Go to those groups, even if you can't speak at first. After a while, you'll find that sharing is the best way to get better. Valerie, it's good that you reached out. Even if it is electronically. Seek support groups. DO NOT GIVE UP. YOUR SON WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO GIVE UP. GOD KNOWS AND HE'S NEVER LEFT YOUR SIDE. HE IS CARRYING YOU DURING YOUR WORST MINUTES. Blessings always!!!