James

My brother's name is James. He died 5 months ago. He was taking alot of medications because of his back, (including 3 different benzodiazopenes, hydromorphone, morphine, among other meds." He is 3 years older than me and my best friend. I had no idea he was on all those meds. I miss him every day, and I have all the different scenarios of "what ifs?" We moved around so much that we couldn't make lasting friendships, so James was the one who played with me, told secrets to...he was the one who taught me to ride a bike, taught me to swim. I feel like I'm drowning and I can't seem to stay afloat. I can't wrap my mind around it, I feel lost. I feel "stuck" when it comes to him. I miss him sooooo much....

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Comment by Candi on September 14, 2012 at 8:11am: I try.....i have his ashes in a necklace that I wear all the time. I talk to him, I talk to God, I wish that he didn't have to go. He was our rock when our dad passed away. It so wasn't fair to him, but he took it, and didn't complain at all. I know I'm being selfish, I just wish things didn't play out like they did....

Comment by Candi on September 13, 2012 at 5:04pm: Thanks, Najee....I really try to look to God through my hard times, I know He never forsakes me.....I don't like feeling so helpless....I wish so bad I could see him one last time, tell him how much I love him, give him hugs, and, yeah, I know he knows how much I love him, I tell him all the time how much I love and miss him, just to see his smiling face once, what I wouldn't give...it's just that death is so final....

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