I was actually joyful in finding this support group. I have been trying to cope with the loss of my mother last March and it has been a very difficult year. I have been trying to remember her in all her joyful time knowing that she is happy now, free of her ailing body.. and yet I miss her so. I remember her is every thing I do... funny how the loss of a loved one magnifies every mundane task that is associated with the departed.
I have started to follow rituals which my mother based her life on, cook the things she cooked, and did some of the things that she did just to remember her in every moment.. but suddenly, there is this wide and deep abyss within me when I realize I cannot hear her call my name anymore, I cannot hear her giving me advice anymore.. it is unbearably painful.. and I cannot escape it..
So I flow through it with tears and with pain and the fact that it will be a part of me now..
I have her letters and just going through her writing.. is so tough..
Somedays its easy.. when I do things she liked.. and keep her memories warm.. even the difficult ones..
But somedays its beyond painful.. there is this dull feeling which makes everything so insignificant..
This is living... I guess... to understand and make peace with death..
Its been very warming to read experiences and I am glad I found this site..
Its not with ignoring the dead that we can move on but by going through the grief that makes it bearable.