I sit and wonder how u are and what u are doing and why I am still here? I don't want to be here I want my family. I can't believe how my heart hurts. I have never been so sad in all my life. I do well to pull myself up at times. Another day and I have to face it without u. I can't believe it. Everything I ever believed in is gone. The God of my child hood is not the God that took my son. 7 years we battled,I sat by your bed so many night praying. I just knew God had healed u and everything was going to be fine but alas you were taken. It breaks my heart. I am not sure I can ever trust or love again. No mother should ever see her child go first. I would already be gone if it wasn't for my other kids and grandkids.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I took care of u for so long I have forgotten how to life. I don't recall a day off we didn't have an appointment somewhere and now all I do is sit. I think deep down I think u are going to come home. It has been so long since I heard your voice and hugged u. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate who and what I have become. I hate living. I hate being here. Everyday is a struggle everyday is endless. I feel like I age years everyday. I just need u to know how missed u are and how much I love and miss u. Your brother is acting like a fool. He won't speak to anyone he has pretty much left the family. Amanda is so sad and poor Kaden is acting out and getting in trouble because he is angry u are gone. I just can't take this....

I love u more each day and I know u are not here in flesh but I feel u around me. I just wish God would let u come and tell me u are ok. I would love to see u again. I would love just 5 minutes with u. I am just heart sick and I don't think I will ever get over this or it will ever get easier just tolerable.

Much Love

Mom

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