On April 3,2013 I lost the hero in my life, my father.  I am still dealing with the lost and every day  is a new stuggle with accepting this void that is left behind.  My father and I were very close and I hold no regrets or hard feeling about him. For as I gave his ulogy, I commented on how he was a kind, strong,understanding,guiding and loving man. He and my mother would have been married 50 yrs this October. It is sad to see her without her partner, soulmate. I live right next door to them so I was always having coffee, reading the morning paper and spending time dinning out. I feel like I am holding strong for my children, my mother and my sister. I really want this hole in my heart to mend. I feel guilty when I smile or laugh at something silly. I feel bad when I reach for the phone to call him and know that he will no answer.  I know that God had a speical plan and are putting us on this path that we should walk,but it seems like I am just functioning. I feel like I am out of my body and in a dream. I keep thinking that I will wake up and this nightmare will end. I am a very spritual person, and I know that time will heal the pain. I also lost my brother-in-law in January. Both these deaths took men that were so kind and talented. I ask  the question as to why? Why them? Why now? I know that they are together having the coffee and working on projects up there in Heaven. I have two wonderful guardian angels watching over me. I just ask for the pennies to keep surfacing and sometimes a little light to help guide me out of this tunnel. I love and miss you both. I talk to each of you every day. I hope that you can hear me. Bob, watch over your ball player and little wee-wee. Todd, I am waching over Chrissy for you. She is doing ok. Were all are doing ok.