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Comment by B Brackett on October 8, 2011 at 1:58am

Heather, my mother passed away Sep 25 of liver failure too.  She was also a non drinker.  She suffered for years and we had tried to get her a transplant but with the expense and her declining health we did not have enought time to raise the money before she was too ill to even qualify.  When moms amonia levels would increase she would get so confused, the swelling in her belly would throw her center of balance off so she fell frequently.  She lost so much weight and her belly remainined so huge.  They would drain as much as they could safely.  She was my best friend and she was only 66 when she passed.  I was the primary care giver for my grandfather until he passed two year ago at 85 because my mom was not able to care for him.  I did really well dealing with his passing and thought I was prepared for moms.  I was so wrong. Mom was a retired nurse and spent much of her career working in nursing homes so she was terrified of going to one.  She wanted to stay at home.  I changed my shift at work and we worked it out between my sister and brother to where we could provide the 24 hour care for her at home.  The thing that I can not forgive myself for is, I stayed with her most nights. The day I left to go home she was alert, slightly confused but still able to get up with assistance to use the bedside toliet.  That night at home I felt horriable and missed her so much and thought about going back to her house but I didnt.  She lived about 35 miles away and the next morning my husband and I were planning a day trip to visit our daughter at college about two hours away.  My brother called me before we even woke the next morning to tell me momma was gone.  I should have gone back the night before.    When I stayed with her I stayed in the room with her, right beside her bed.  I should have been there.  Instead my brother was there and asleep in the next room.  I dont know if my mom died in her sleep if if she knew she was dying. Was she scared or afraid?  I cant get over the guilt of not being there to give her comfort if she was awake.  I miss her so much.  I am so tired of people telling me time heals or she is better off....  I know that but right now I am hurting and I miss her so much.  Her birthday is on the 23rd of this month and she shares the same birthday as my daughter.  I feel like I have a whole in my heart and no one understands how wonderful my mom was except my sister. I just wish I would have had one more day with her.  I knew she was dying but I really thought I had a few more days or weeks with her.  Even her Hospice nurses were shocked that she went so quickly.   I should have gone back that night.   Anyways your story touched me and I wanted to let you know I understand how you feel about watching someone die from liver failure.   You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I sent you a friend request on FaceBook so we can chat if you ever want to talk to someone who understands.   (((HUG)))