I lost my brother by suicide recently. I feel like i should have known, but there is nothing i can do to change events passed. The pain i feel goes deeper than physical pain, it imbeds itself deep in my heart like cancer; like its terminal. I am addicted to opioids, alcohol, benzodiazepines. This is not what my brother wanted for me, yet my heart is shattered because he left me, alone. It was me and him against the world, but now he is gone, he left me. He was the closest person i had, and think i will ever have in this life. I am young, 21 he 29 was married. I was close to him, he was my big bro. I am working on my addictions. These first few months have been rough. I do not know what the future holds. I wish joy will return to those who have lost any loved ones.