On Sun. Sept. 5th, my fiance of 6 1/2 yrs. was killed on his motorcycle.  He had an underlying heart condition that I did not know about.  The autopsy showed that all of his arteries coming out of his heart had 95% blockage.  I can't get past that day, and don't ever think I'll be able to move on.  I feel like I'm just going through the motions everyday.  There have been 3 other deaths since Joseph's, and I feel like everyone around me is going to die, when all I want is to wake up every morning and see Joe again.  When I open my eyes and see that I'm still alive, I get very angry and upset.  Why can't I be with Joe?  I'm not suicidal at all, I just want to be with Joe again.  It took me 20 years to find the person that accepted everything about me, good or bad, and now it's just gone!!!!  I miss him soooo much.  Everyone tells me to remember all the good times, and that makes me mad, because that's all we had were good times.  He made me laugh everyday, and we took care of each other everyday.  We never took each other for granted, it was just an unconditional love from the beginning.  I just don't know where to go with my life, and nothing is fun without him anymore.  I act like I'm having a good time on the outside, but on the inside, my heart has been ripped in two.  My children are all grown, and I have 4 grandchildren, we are all very close, but I was at a point in my life, where I had finally found true love, and I'm so lost.  I cry all the time, get mad really easily, and do feel like I'm going to go insane!!!  I need help, but am afraid to ask for it.  I feel like people around me are tired of all the "Joe" stories, even though they say differently.  I can tell it depresses them a little, but I feel that if I can talk about him, he won't go away.  Can anyone help?!

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