My younger brother committed suicide 9 years ago. He was 22. He left a very long letter in which he explained how he had been carefully planning his death for years. I was in college at the time and, in his letter, my brother said that he wanted to wait until after I graduated to kill himself. In May of 2002, I graduated from college and a couple of weeks later my boyfriend and I decided to go on a road trip to celebrate. When we reached the hotel, I called my mom to let her know that we had arrived and that's when she told me that my brother had committed suicide. He went to his favorite park in the middle of the night and shot himself. A jogger found him in the morning.
My parents haven't been the same since then...especially my mom. I feel like I've been numb for the past nine years. I've come to dread it when people ask me if I have any brothers or sisters. Sometimes I lie and say no and sometimes I tell them the truth. It just depends on the person, I guess. I envy everyone who has a sibling.
Has anyone out there had a similar experience? I'm just curious to know how you feel and what you're thinking. My feelings differ from sadness for what he went through to anger at him for doing this to our family.