I just lost my Henry, my companion of 30 years. We did not always get along. We had the same argument forever: what you you want to eat. But, I think we did love each other in our own ways. Henry died right before my eyes. He had been sick with the flu but had gotten better and even commented on how well he felt and had a good appetite. We were watching TV and talking when all of a sudden he had some kind of siezure and lost conciousness. He was gone before the EMT's arrived. I see this scenario over and over in my mind. Because it was sudden death, he had to be examined by the coroner. The report has not been released yet. I still do not know what caused his death and I feel the need to know. But, we were not married and I have no legal right to ask for the results. Why is this so important to me. I know in my mind, it was either a heart attack, or an embolism or stroke. What difference does it make? He's gone and I am alone. I wander around asking: "How does this just happen? How does someone just roll over and die like that?" I will have alot of trouble financially, too, without his income. I only work part time. I cannot find full time work. It really scares me. I do have alot of good friends and lots of support from the groups I belong to around town. But, I am still alone. And lost.