MyMum committed suicide about a month ago, after several attempts about a year ago, after which I volunteered to be her carer. I didn't know what else to do.Things seemed to be fine, although I know I could become exasperated with her. She had emphysema and leukemia, and was on oxygen fulltime. She had become,gradually,very needy and dependant, always asking questions to which she knew the answers already,always worrying about the smallest,most insignificant thing. It was hard looking after her,mentally more than physically. Every night the last thing I would think about was would she do something during the night? But still, it was all very surreal. We wouldnt leave her alone, for fear of what she may do. This day,she asked me to check the mailbox,then locked me out before somehow setting fire to herself and her oxygen. I saw her through the window as I screamed at her to open the door. I broke in through the kitchen window and tried to put out the flames with my hands,but I knew she was already dead. How do I go on? I wish I was dead, because she was really my whole life.I dont care about anyone else,or anything.

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Comment by Maria Shine Stewart on September 18, 2011 at 10:39pm
I am concerned for you. Emotions run high at the time of any death. Can you mobilize help from others? The shock waves of suicide are especially hard. You are traumatized. Please take care.

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