Comment

Comment by kelly on August 27, 2010 at 11:06pm

Hey Teresa,
Tahnk you so much for sharing your story and thoughts and life with me. You really have been through alot...more than one person should be able to withstand but you seem to have handled everything...you are so strong. Your husband sounds like such a good man...I am sorry that things turned out for you and he as they did...it's not fair but then again life is not fair why should death. My "husband" and I had been together for 30 years...day and night....we own a few businesses together so we worked all day together and lived together...people were amazed that we got along as well as we did considering we spent so much time together....I LOVED being with him all the time and he loved being with me the same. I can't believe that he is no longer here with me...he was my rock...my strength....my heart and now all of that is gone....I have lost the love of my life. I looked you up on facebood but there are 54 Teresa Dempsey's so I was not sure which one to click on...you will need to give me clues as to which one is you. I love sharing my story with you and I loved hearing your story and your sharing it with me. I hope this note finds you feeling better.
Sincerely,
Kelly

Comment by TERESA DEMPSEY on August 27, 2010 at 12:48am

hi KELLEY,
I am very sorry for your loss…I am also going thru the pains and shortcomings of lifes badside..thee is good that will come from this I have to beleive..but I just dont know how or why or what…I am sorry if I dont make alot of sense..I to just lost the love of my life..my Spirit my Soul my self…christopher was 45 and a wonderful spirit and soul I lost him on july 24th 2010 just 4 weeks ago and its still killing me..whats even worse is we’d been together for 17 wonderful years we both had been married twice and I have one biological daughter a step dAughter and two stepsons…the only one that has even been around chris and myself is my biological daughter the others only came by or called when they needed something. I raised them from the ages of 10 and 11. the one stepson we just finally got to meet .(CHRIS'S exwife had been on the run for 15 yrs so chris snever got to know or raise him even though he had joint custody..it was awful and still is…..its very hard to understand some people when it comes to kids..how they can put themselves before their children..anyways chris i met thru work he was a casin o mngr in wa state and 3 months after going out he asked me to marry him I said yes…then he was offfered a job in illinois..promised a better one so we decided to move to illinois..the job wasnt great but the people and the freinds were wonderful and great memories so we left illinois and moved to louisiana and worked for players casino and loved louisiana and the food and the culture..then in 1997 (4 years later) I got a call my mother was diagnosed with cancer at 56 and was in the hopital and wouldnt be going home..I had to leave and I spent 8 days watching over her as she was in a coma after they took her off of life support..it took 8 days and i never left her side..her and I were (will always be) bests freinds we did everything together talked to each other every day..that was a hard one it toook 10 years before i could talk about her without crying…then in 1999 chris , i and the kids moved to las vegas..chris’s father lived there and was 86 and had alzheimers and dementia..so we bought a house and moved his father in with us and raised the teens (at that time they were 16, 16, 17) and that was really very hard but did it and all survived that part..but we never ever had the chance to get married..there was always something..and with his father we couldnt leave him and when in illinois we didnt have the money and the kids were having prob;lems and then in 2000 i got really ill and chris was working at ceasars and i was at treasure island i was a dealer for roulette and chris was a pitt boss..I loved it there I miss my second family that I’d made on the graveyard shift…but with his father it got really hard for me. The drs finally after 2 years told me I have severe fibromyalgia and had two clogged arteries, degenrative disc and bone disease..and found a tumor on my kidney on theadrenal gland etc (i"ve got some work to be done ..i guess i've hit the 100k mark and need new parts...anyways I would have to stay away from stress , get sleep and eat right….in order to keep the fibromyalgia under control...well my world was far from that..we had his father for 5 years and finally we hd to move he transferred to ceasars indiana and we lived in kentucky..its beautiful here…well his mother 83 was getting really ill and then his father dies which really was hard on chris and we took his mother in to our home to take care of her now…and I still have severe fibromyalgia and had a heart attack on july 28th 2008 it leftr a little scarring but they found I have two arteries that I need to have catheters done because the oxygen and blood thats getting thru them isnt anwhere near what its suppose to be…we still havent got married its like there was always something that prevented it..(he’d never had a church wedding prior to meeting me) and we wanted to have a small white chruch wedding with just immediate family and few freinds..I forgot to tell u that chris was in desert storm he was eod which is basically those guys that go ahead of everyone and find the bombs and detonate them or they are called in to take care of some type of bomb or explosives…he was in an accideent before i met him and he had to have a rod placed in his arm and a plate in his wrist so they had to give him honorable discharge he loved the army and wanted to stay in but they wouldnt let him stay in because he couldnt perform the duties he needed to so he was a disabled vet 60%..anyways so here we are in ky and we have his mother living with us I have really bad fibro now the stress is intense and no sleep she had sundowners and alot ofother things bless her heart.... I love her so much but I just coudnt do it anymore the tumor on my backside if my kidney on the adrenal gland or around it needs attention and need two mri’s they also need to check pelvic area concerened about blood clots..anywys chris has scoliosis and it gets so bad and his migraines got so bad that he couldnt function anymore either so he filed for social security because he coudlnt get out of bed hardly..but he did it ..i dont know how but he did..and he really was in alot of pain…so we both are really sick and trying to take care of his mom ...he had told her he wouldnt put her in a home and she had a home in ohio that his brother has been lving in for 8 years now…(he cant take care of her... he cant take care of himself and hes 43 and has a severe gambling problem)..chris even paid all the bills for the house in ohio for him..thats what mom wanted..she didnt want danny to be homeless…needless to say..we have went thru everything together and we never even raised an eyebrow to one another the first 9 years….when I was with chris anything seemed possible if we could do it together...I’ve never been so happy ever in my life as I was in the first 9+ years before I got really ill and we started taking care of his parents.....and cant imagine being happier than what i was with him. he is everything and when I needed him he was there and i was there for him no matter how hard it was..well he never had any help from family, he never had any freinds here in ky either ...we have freinds in so many other states where we worked and lived but ky wasnt one of them but we had our daughter and she gotmarried last year and that was a wonderful day..but chris had his disability check from va and I have my medicare check which isnt much and it was killoing him because he couldnt provide for me and him ..he had so much pride and had been trying to get social security but its been almost 6n years and the va dosnt acknowledge me as hiswife even thoguh we've been together 17 years..inn fact i became a dependant of his from 2000-2003 but then he got too ill and had to sign up for ss disability..i still need to take social security to court or have it invesstigated i was supose to get double the amt i recve from the report that i got from them that stated if i became disabled in june of 2000 it would be this certain amt and i became disabled in july 2000 but they said they had made a mistake..they took and put on my card i became disabled in 2002 which i was too ill to realize this and it still has to be dealt with..but thats not the issue money isnt the first issue its the second isssue…chris who stole all my heart and my soul and gave me the world with his trust and love and care and never complained until the last 6 months or so..the stress he had, the burden he had, he was her poa just like with his father he was his too at that time..and he and I never ever got a chance to just be the two of us alone without kids or someone else living with us ....so we put off the marriage and I figured that there was time …we’d been together 17 wonderful years even with the health issues and we felt and by common law we were married and everyone that knew us knew we always called each other husband and wife..but chris got colon cancer and enlarged prostate and they took 2 inches of his colon…..I’ve been so ill that its been hard these last 10 years to go out of the house and do anything especially when we had to take care of his mom and his dad and they couldnt be left alone and without sleep and having all the stress I was always in fibro flares but had to keep that to myself as much as i could because he was so sick..i put off the mri’s and was going to have them done on the 28th july..and there had been a concert coming for months at churchill downs with bon jovi and train (16 bands altogether but i wanted bon jovi and train mainly)and he got tickets for it and I made it there (I was 5 hours late but got to see bon jovi and train) and he had a great time he even said this was like old times... anyways..he had just went to legal aid the day prior and had set up for his moms "QIT" I’m not sure exactly what it is but its a legal form that gives only one person the power to use funds from her acct and that she’d be able to stay in this one nursing home that she felt she was in an apt and liked it alot. chris said she would still want to go home but he would explain it every time she asked (alot) they have all the care for alzheimers and dimentia and all the other medical problems... he was so happy , she was taken care of and it kept others from being able to get her funds..so he knew that the one who was in charge couldnt even abuse it not even the nursing home there they had to have approval for anything and everyting..but the week prior to this concert on the 17th of july chris had went to the va and saw his dr and was so happy he said he didnt have to go back for 8 months!..well 3 days later we recd a letter from the va stating he needed to be seen on the 22cnd in the trauma and then again on the 11th for neuro and then another in ipod b? I asked him about it and he said he didnt undertstand it..he always told me that if he was ever going to be a burden he would kill himself first so nobody would have to take care of him and he's catholic even went to catholic school and he had a va psych nurse he saw all the time for the depression but he’d never tell anyone anything..he had way to much pride..the nurse practicioner was shocked when she heard…but I asked them a few questions and she asked me “well how much do u know?” then i got worried she wouldnt tell me anything after that. and where we werent married even though 17 years together..its not observed…he has a living medical will only and it haS ME DOWN BUT not sure whether that matters or not and he had me down as person on his checking accts that they could talk with me..and he never got life insurance yet and he’s been waiting for his court date for social secrity for almost 6 years..its been tough finacially but I never ever thought with his religion and his mom still alive even though its hard because she’s going downhill quickly..but when we got home after the concert, he said it was friday and he was going to go out for a little while longer and I couldnt I was just exhausted. I had to stop so many times because of my lower back I was even shocked because the [pain was so intense even with my meds) so I didnt argue I knew he was stressed and needed to be out for awhile so at 3:25 am he pulls in the driveway and the lights on in the truck..i asked him what he was doing and he said he’d be right in ...to go ahead and go inside …so I did and then he came into the bedroom put his wallet in my housecoat said i love you and went into the living room and turned out the light..i thought he was going to lay down on the couch and watch some tv..but I heard the front door shut lightly..so I came out to the living room and chris was sitting on the end of the porch crossed legged and smoking a ciggarette..I walked over to him and saw the gun in his lap…and i cried and beggedhim to give me the gun and asked him please then asked ..what are u doing? ... there’s nothing that we cant go thru..we can make it..we are having tough time with bills and moms bills and then the house in ohio…and i put my arms around his shoulders sideways and he cried in my arms but i couldnt get the gun from him ..no matter what i said or did I tried to get the gun and he wouldnt let go of it then i felt sick to my stomach and ran into the house and called the cops...I told them what was going on and all about his religion and to bring an ambulance i told her he wouldnt even kill a fly he would push it outside,,,i told her all about everything i had her on the phone even when i went outside to find him..he was at the back of the truck sitting on the driveway with the gun up to his chest directly infront of his heart…i cant tell u everything but i can say i have never tried so hard in my life and cried so hard in my life for so long now and I even told him I WOULD SELL EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE AND WE WOULD (sorrycaps) we would buy what ever we could afford a small bus, mototrhome etc and we would just travel ...and with his disability check and my small check we could do it..that i would do anything just name it but he wouldnt give me the gun and I wouldnt leave..but then two cops showed up and had two flashlights shining on him while they stood behind two trees across from our driveway behind the neighbors driveway and all they did was yell at him to put the gun down..I still had the phone and the dispatcher on the phone so she could hear everything..then they yelled at me to go in the house or they were going to taze me and then he yelled at the cops “you’d better have an ambulance waiting then” and he was angry because they threatned me... so he pushed me away and said go inside before they hurt u and i kept yelling at the cops "if i leave he’ll shoot " i cant leave! and if they would have left me there talking to him he was calm and crying...they didnt have anyone there that tried talking to him not even the dispatch and they didnt even have an ambulance like i told them to. they didnt even bring a chaplin or someone to talk to him..so finally i had to go inside the house and cracked the glass door about 4 inches and on my hands and knees cried to chris and pleaded please dont do this i cant live without u please think of your kids and grandkids think of our babies (two mini pins) precious was his little girl (the runt) and then I heard a loud pop and I thought he got tazed so i asked the cop is he ok? did he get tazed? and they wouldnt say ahything but "maam get inside now!"..they were rude and then I knew when i heard one cop say go get a camera.....they didnt help him or even try and chris had shot himself in the driveway…. right thru the heart. he had awards for marksmanship in the military...I have been in a nightmare ever since..I've never hurt this bad in my life before and I thoguth it was the worst when i lost my mother..but this was something that has been and always will be the worst part of my life ever...I miss him soooo much I ache so much it hurts to even think of it...I’ve never been scared at night but now i’m petrified. Then to add to the horrifying nightmare I was in ...the va wouldnt allow me to make any decisions for my husbnd of 17 years because it wasnt in writing and I felt like I was a nobody and I knew what he wanted we'd talked about it alot aftr we lost 3 of our 4 parents..so when it came to a funeral a service- a obit-anything I had no say so and the biological daughter of his ,,,,didnt even care enough to involve me or jessica n any of the decisions because I’m not married to him and it doesnt matter to her that we’d been together for 17 yrs…and i raised her for 7...oh and they called my daughter and she was to be sitting with me during the rest of this awful night…but when she got to the house the cops outside wouldnt let herin they said it was a crime scene and shes says you called me.. its my mother in there! but they wouldnt let her come into the house...so she sat outside for 3 1/2 hours watching everything they did to his body and he was right there for her to have to see covered in a sheet then pics then the coroner etc…..his biological daughter never ever saw anyone that had been passed before and she made it sound so awful so she decided there wouldnt be any service or veiwing or even an obit that said anything…..I had no say so ....I felt like a stranger and it was my husband... my life my soul that I couldnt even hold they wouldnt let me get to the window or even go out after the cornoer to hold him or anything..plus they never even asked me if he was an organ donor..i wasnt thinking of that at that time but they should have...and they knew I had his wallet with the proof, they were suppose to take him right away... but he was out there for 6 hours...(uncalled for) I had to be interrogated by 4 detectives and a coroner needless to say..and the coronor said I was in shock more than anyone else that shes ever seen before and has 7 daily...I was really bad the first 3 weeks and think I still am in a nightmare and cant beleive he’s gone..they lost our cell phone and they got the ssecurity number wrong so the death cert has to be redone ...they also found a 6 page suicide letter (like a will) in the truck, they kept it in evidence for 4 days and then i couldnt get it even though it was to me..it had to be his biological daughter who had to get it ….I love her but she’s really treated me wron, she's never excepted me..i took her daddy away she was his little girl and spoiled rotten and I know she lost her father..I understand i lost both my parents...and now my once in a lifetime soul mate spiritual mate etc. she wasnt ever around him she never called him..she didnt even call him this last fathers day... the only time she would call was when she needed something…and now here i am ...totally disabled, homebound, and I rent and my rent is more than my social security disability the landlord loved chris..they had played golf 4-5 days prior so it was hard for him also...so he’s going to see if he can get sect 8 on this house so i can stay here. then i will be able to pay for my utitlites etc theres too many things that happen and there needs to be a pamphlet and checklist that should be used in these situations...and now i need the death certificate but i dont know how long its going to take to get it and I hate it because the landlord is not getting the rent i owe him (975.00) and now i had to go to one of the churches (hated to do so) but the electric bill was 2 months and 387.00 and then the water came in for 93.00 and my gooodness everything is coming in and all are dissconnect notices etc…chris had taken over the bills because he had to do his moms for the house in ohio and wanted to take some stress off of me…I missssssss him sooooo much he’s the one in a lifetime…the one whom you can tell everything... do anything... be anything ...and he’s always there.. always loving me and same here... i couldn't have loved anyone more than i love him..and i get mad too.... because why???…so many questions and angry for him leaving me but so sad because he had to be ins uch pain and depression to kill himself in our driveway...and since they didnt ask me about organ donor etc they never checked his organs and he was cremated so now i have to get files (if i can from va )to find out if the cancer was back etc…my sister in washington state set up a percession for chris with the retired military riders brigade…they all volunteered to ride their motorcycles with the american flags flying on all of them except for one and chris got his last ride on a harley to the new military cemetary in radcliff..he was riding on the one that had the pow black and white flag and the american flag and they took him from the funeral home all the way down dixie hwy with honors and the honor guard was there and the va did have a minister talk to everyone and it was a nice service at least at the military cemetary..but I’ve been thrown into a tornado of sorts .....I’m so messed up..i miss him so much …god must have had a reason for this ..i wont understand until my day comes but this pain is soooooo bad..my bp is high and the dr comes to my home where i’m homebound and my daughter has really been there for me but its taking a toll on her too ...she lost her father..he was her real father even though they werent blood...they wee so close...and I cant keep depending on her so I though I’d get online …even in the obit that his bio daughter wrote... it never said anything that it should have there wasnt anything not even an address and she should have put it in the papers where we’ve lived and had most freinds so they could find it to..I didnt even have time to contact all his freinds or his eod nothing..there was a few cards but chris deserved better he deserved alot better and his freinds should have had the right to say good bye too…now i’m just empty and sad and got my little mini pins that need alot of love and our 2 cats ad my daughter (27)but its really been difficult…and it seems like last night…I am so sorry for your loss…and I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain, loss, emptiness, sadness, and u just dont see things the same way anymore nothing has the same meaning that it did when they were alive with us…oh my…it makees it almost unbearable and I share your greif and again I’m very sorry for your loss because once u find your mate that u share your life and i mean all our life with and you turn into one its so so hard to imagine life without them theres no meaning anymore…but I do have my daughter and my mini pins and going to try to get into a greif group or something and need to find a way to get something for my landlord and dont know if I have the strength to even have a yard sale...will probably have to try to find roomate...we always thought we had time and then he gave so much of himself for his mom and his dad that he didnt give to himself....he was always good people ...he always made even strangers laugh he was one of those that when u met him u just loved him...I keep praying god will help.... I just have to have faith and take it minute by minute and thats what i would say to you..minute by minute live in the moment and try to see if u can just get thru the moment..time will try to help us all heal somehow and with prayer and new freinds…god bless and sorry for this I had to write now everyone knows but he really is a wonderrful man and spirit he gave to everyone else and took care of everyone else even strangers but he didnt give enough to himself he said he didnt want his family to suffer anymore because he couldnt provide for me and he didnt know how we were going to make it he even wrote a letter to social secirity right before he killed himself…please for anyone who does read this very long letter prayers for chris please that he’s found peace and no pain and he will be happy and found that beautiful place he always would talk about and how the other side will be better (when our parents went)..also would u please pray for me i’m in need of everything strength understanding wisdom finances everything and i hate it that i have to reach out on the internet but had to do something….god bless us all and you are in my prayers too as well as your husband..god bless …if u need an email u can find me on facebook under teresa dempsey and theres also the percesssion on the site and theres a guest book on legacy.com chris fonzi louisville ky email is chris’s email i’m using for now WUZBAD@YAHOO.COM IF U WOULD LIKE TO CONTACT ME JUST MAKE SURE IN THE SUBJECT IT STATES LOSS OF LOVED ONE SO I KNOWW GOD BLESS AND THANK U TO THE ONES WHOM HAVE THIS SITE- TEE
alsoit does help to tell people about your husband like i just did it may be long but it will help and its always nice to hear about wonderful people that blessed us while they were here on this earth...I'm grateful i got to spend what time i did with hiom..he showed me just how wonderful love and life can be evne though it was tooo short..we are the blessed when we have had soemeone like this in our loves it is just unbearable when we losr them...write me if u like teri937@yahoo.com god bless and would love to hear from you about you and your husband..its hard but it does help a little...sincerely teresa