My wife died 6 months ago and I haven't really talked about it since it happened. I don't know what I want anymore. We'd been together for 5 years, we met abroad, she is from VA and i'm from England, we lived abroad for a while then in England for a couple of years until we decided we'd move and settle in VA, so we seperated while the paperwork was being processed and she got a job + apartment sorted while I continued work at home and saved for the move.
After 6 months of being apart and talking every day, she had an accident. Paramedics found her unconscious and not breathing, they got her heart beating but she still couldn't breathe without machines. I immediately flew when I got the news, when I arrived at the hospital, she was brain dead. The doctors said she had had multiple seizures while I was flying and after several days I had to take her off life support as her body was failing.
She just looked like she was sleeping, I was terrified, they took her breathing apparatus off and I held her untill her heart stopped. 6 days later my visa was approved. It was all like some kind of evil joke, and I thought I'll call her to tell her about it when I get home, that was my mindset because we talked every day over skype while apart.
I went back to England completely stunned, everything I looked forward to is gone and I don't feel like i'm getting over it at all; I hate where I am and hate what I do and I dream every night that I'm finally going to get my visa so I can move to be with my baby. 2010 was meant to be a good year for us.
I'm anxious and tense most days and I'm trying to figure out what I want, its like I need a new life plan. I've lost my best friend and I can't imagine starting a new relationship and having that again. She'd just turned 24 and i'm 28 now. None of my friends can relate, which I guess is why I joined this site.