It has been one month today since I was "normal". Exactly one month ago we were working side by side, picking up, taking care of our fur babies, making breakfast, then doing lots of yard work. I can't believe it was that long ago. I am in this horrible time warp where time as it used to be doesn't exist any longer. It seems like it was yesterday.  What a great day it was! I suppose I should be more thankful that it was such a great day.  I suppose in time, I will cherish this day. Right now it just hurts and hurts. I remember him telling me how "cute" I was going to the mailbox. I remember him whistling at me. It was an unusually warm April day and I was wearing a swimsuit while using the waterhose to clean. How I miss this!!!!! We grilled out on the patio for dinner and it was the most beautiful warm night. A full moon, warm breeze. He made a wonderful dinner for us! How we enjoyed ourselves. I long for the time when I can look back at this day and not cry. I want to be able to enjoy this memory without feeling as though my heart is completely dead.  How can life that is so good one day, be completely over and gone the next? I struggle to understand. I just miss him and me. I am no longer the person that lived that beautiful day.

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Comment by Sara Murphy on May 20, 2016 at 2:32pm

Carolyn....What a beautiful last day you had together.  I understand how hard it can be with memories hurting so much.  It's only been 4 months for me and every memory no matter how small is like a knife in my heart.  I cherish every memory I have however so I will not push them away to avoid the hurt.    The time will come for you when that memory doesn't hurt so much and you'll be able to smile at it.

Thinking of you


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 20, 2016 at 11:31am

Dear Carolyn,

What a poignant and moving portrayal of your last  beautiful day - we all are changed now, and memories of times good, and bad, surface bringing feelings that have no description - because the feelings are new and for us without precedence or a reference point.

Thank you for sharing your words so beautifully written, and hold close that precious day my is a gift. You may always cry a little when looking back, but the tears will be less bitter and more sweet, like gentle rain drops instead of a pounding deluge.

My thoughts and prayers for you to find peace today -



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