Signs

When I am talking with someone who is grieving, the conversation often turns to the signs they have received from their loved one, letting them know they are still around. They range from the subtle to the incredibly direct.

One woman said she saw her husband approach, felt him kiss her on the cheek and heard his voice telling her that he loved her. Most are not that clear. One woman told me that she had wanted to plant flowers at her husband’s grave. The cemetery’s policies did not permit this and she was quite upset. However, when she visited his grave in the spring, buttercups had popped up all over. It seemed that even if she could not plant flowers, there was no rule against nature providing them! I know a man whose wife’s grave had the grass fill in everywhere, except for a perfect heart shape that remained bare. Signs…they come in all forms.

There are four steps to receiving signs from your loved one:

First you must notice it. If you walk by and are not aware of those pennies being placed in your path, you may miss the message.
Secondly, you must recognize it as a sign. As one grieving mom told me, the white dove that flew around her tree every afternoon at 2:00 p.m. was a message from her daughter (not just a bird of habit).
Third, you must interpret it. What does this mean? I was walking with a new widow when we almost stepped upon a large beetle. It was unusual to see this type of bug in my area and it was not moving when she nudged it with her cane. I did some research and found out that in ancient Egyptian times the beetle or scarab was thought to represent the transition of the soul from life into death.

Finally, you must believe it. Do not just write it off as being “in your imagination.” Notice how you feel when you hear a special song everywhere you go; or if when you are thinking of your loved one, their picture drops off of the wall at that same moment.

Signs… they come in no particular way or at any set time, but when they show up, they can bring you the comfort you have been seeking.

Nancy Weil is a leading authority on humor and grief. She serves as Director of Grief Support for eleven cemeteries and is a Certified Funeral Celebrant and Grief Management Specialist. Through her company, The Laugh Academy, she offers products to ease the stress and pain that grief can bring. Bandages for Your Heart on DVD or CD, Laugh for the Health of It on CD and her new book, If Stress Doesn’t Kill You, Your Family Might, can be ordered by clicking here.

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Second Image: stock.xchng/mferraro

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Comment by George Bragg on February 14, 2012 at 10:08am: I got what I think is a very good sign... The day after I found out that Denise had died, I ran across a couple of references to lobsters while doing unrelated online research (Salvador Dali used to walk his pet lobster; Jean-Paul Sartre believed he was being followed by a lobster in later life). Then, the very next day, I found a pewter lobster pin on the ground. There's a few reasons I believe this is all a sign from her: first, she used to call me "love bug", and the word "lobster" has the first letters of "love" and "bug" in it. Second, she was a big fan of the show "Friends", and I found out afterwards that there's a reference in an episode of that show to lobsters being "mates for life". So I think she sent me a message from beyond that she's still there, still loving me, and now I have the pin to remind me of her.

Comment by Nancy Weil on February 13, 2012 at 7:31am: Crystal,

How wonderful to receive such a clear sign when you asked for it. Wish it could be that way for most of us, but it doesn't usually show up that way. Electronics are known to be used for signs - lights going on or off, tvs suddenly turning on, etc. It is comforting to know that your brother continues to be around you. I am so sorry for your loss- siblings have a special bond for you share memories of childhood. Continue to keep him in your heart.

Comment by Crystal on February 11, 2012 at 3:48pm: I lost my brother on January 27, 2012. Im still in shock that he is gone. I was in his room sitting in front of his laptop, I began to question if there was a god or if there was anything after death. I said just give me a sign let me know you are here. His laptop shutoff right then & there. I was a lil scared at first then started to ask if his laptop would normally do that. I realized I had received my sign.

Comment by Kathryn Sheffler on February 6, 2012 at 10:03pm: I had started taking an anti-depressant, and as the medicine was working in my brain I was experiencing some incredible lows. I was more miserable and heartbroken than before I started the meds. I could not break out of the sadness, no matter how hard I tried. By the end of the week, I was feeling at my worst. That day I had to get out to run errands earlier in the day. It was gloomy, dark and dreary. It really felt like my mood at this point in my life. On my way home from running my errands, I paid a visit to the cemetery to visit my parents' graves. I start talking to them about the hurt and pain I was feeling. I was crying uncontrollably and felt swallowed up by the grief. Then a few moments into my visit, the gray clouds parted and the sun started shining brighter than I could have ever imagined. There wasn't a cloud in sight near that sunshine. Normally, I don't believe in signs from above or things happening like this. It felt like a dream, or a movie sequence even. No doubt though, I felt the warmth of that sun as a gently hug from my parents. It helped console me a bit, and I take solace in the fact that they are watching over me. Thank heavens for my camera phone letting me capture that beautiful reminder.

Comment by Cindy Llonergan on February 6, 2012 at 8:09pm: When my aunt died in 1999, I asked for a sign from her. One day I was in the shower and heard something drop on the floor. ( I lived alone so was a little frightened. I grabbed a towel and went to where I heard the noise.) There on the floor, was a little blue pill that she took everyday. I quickly grabbed it since my dog was known to eat everything and set it on the table. I then sat down and had a long cry. I thanked her for coming to me and told her I would be ok. I have never had any other signs from her.

My dad loved money and when he died in 2005, I would come home to find pennies everywhere, I didn't pay much attention to it until I came home one day and found a stack of them on the shelf by my fridge. I knew then it was my dad saying he was here with me.

I tell people when someone they love passes to pay attention (like my sister, who has never seen anything) and believe that they are ok and they will give us a sign if we look for them.

Comment by jan on February 6, 2012 at 4:34pm: I would smell his cologne in the house sometimes. There was not any of his cologne in the house anymore. It would come as a whiff when I walked into a room or turned a corner, and I know I was not imagining it.