Hello, my name is Rachael, I wanted to start off by saying I'm sorry to anyone who has to feel the pain and emptiness of losing someone you love. I'm 25 years old. I grew up very religious, until my parents divorced in 1997. My mom raised us on her own because my dad went to prison for heroine.which was a huge suprise to everyone. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. My brother Alex died October 20th, 2007. He hurt his back at work and started getting perscibed OxyContin. He abused them which lead to 3 overdoses the last one really damaged his frontal lobe of his brain. He was never the same. He was depressed and not my Alex. He was very impulsive and if he wanted to do something he went for it goodor bad. He had a hunting trip planned for the morning of the 20th. He was very depressed the night before. That next morning at 7:30am He shot himself in the head in our back yard. We were all devastated and heart broken especially my mom. My mom had gone for a simple surgery to clear up scar tissue. 3 years prior and the doctor had cut her intestines and colon. sewed her up and left her for dead. So she was already depressed and disabled from over 10 surgeries,a colostomy bag, several hernias, daily pain and an abdomen full of mesh. That completely killed her spirit. She gave up. So I stayed with her doing everything she needed done. Meanwhile 6 months after Alex died my dad hung himself April 15th 2008. It was a big blow but I was still numb from Alex. So I kept taking care of my mom and family while neglecting myself so all my feelings just kept building up, I knew at the same time my mom was giving up. I gave it my all to try to make he care and maybe learn to love life again. I failed. She passed away on February 13, 2012 at 7:10 am. I had a woke to screaming that my mom was not breathing... I saw her, she was gray. I started to do compressions on her chest then I went to give her a breath and her tongue was swollen over her airway. I knew I was too late:( she passed from an allergic reaction to her new anti depressents. Iam hurting so bad and I thought if I talked about things with people who are dealing with these same feelings it might help. Thank you for listening. God bless you all.