Lost my brother little over a month ago in a tragic accident. He was in his mid-thirties and left behind two kids under 5. I didn't get to say goodbye. Our last conversation was a text thread. He wasn't much of a talker. We were a pretty close family as far as spread out across the country families go. It's misplaced I know but the first 3 weeks of dealing with his death was all of us- my mother included- submerging any sign of our grief and catering to his widow. Still is. To go into the details is too much for me to even think about but it was clearly communicated that because of their relationship the rest of us didn't really have as much right to grieve as she and the emotional upheaval and biting retorts have lead us to not to grieve around her at all. The last family function revolved around her. Not making stressful situations, not saying anything for fear she would be hurt. I don't understand how, as much as someone is hurting, they can make the presumption that no one else is entitled to hurt either? One would think it would induce more compassion and understanding not exclusion. Is this going to be every family get together? All of us broken with grief and pretending none of us are because we have been told we have no right to be? I don't understand this at all. My parents and I are the only three people in the world who knew him his entire life. We played together, protected each other, both of us had our first real job together. When I moved away getting together was hard. We both moved in different directions but as time went on we found ways to do things together again. I am trying to understand people do funny things in grief. But we are all sad and broken right now and the more this goes on the angrier I get- and I don't normally do this. Maybe talking it out will help.