Valerie moore's Comments

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At 3:37pm on June 6, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Valerie thanks for writing it is sad we are spread all over the country. but all our sadness wouldn't do real good in one place either. why us?? am glad to talk whenever. i can't believe it still. don't have much drive am very very sad. there is not much ... but we will make it. surely. they would for us I try to tell myself he would certainly go on if i died. Carrie L
At 2:55pm on June 6, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Valerie I am so sorry we share this horrible life after the death of our sons place here now. but i need someone to talk to also. we are in ky where are you? Carrie L
At 11:18am on June 6, 2010, valerie moore said…
dear rev durden.
i got a very special birthday present, a day early. it is a necklace, a heart necklace with a tear shaped hole in it. its called the reunion necklace. here is the poem that came with it:
since heaven has become your home, i sometimes feel so alone, and though we are far apart you hold a piece of my heart.
i never knew how much i'd grieve when it was your time to leaveor just how much my heart would ache from that one fragment you would take. God lets this tender hole remain reminding me we'll meet again and one day the pain will cease when He restores this missing piece. He'll turn to joy my every tear and when i wear this necklace near, it will become my simple way to treasure our REUNION DAY..... VALERIE
At 12:06am on June 6, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hi Valerie,you're so kind and gracious as I only say the things that would make me feel better as I have been my own therapist knowing that I had no one to turn too I looked outside then inside then down then up & I found that only the Lord could help me & I spend time now talking to a lot of people about the heart aches and pain that we suffer from by having lost a child even though I have four othe children nothing hurts more than losing the one that always thought the world of me and in turn I felt the same about her,You'll get through the hard times once you realize that each day is a journey and when you finish one day's journey sit & rest a while for the next day's journe is coming fast don't linger on yesterday's journey because tommorow's is coming fast and if you hold on today's journey too long you'll behind on the next day's journey my friend so in order to stay on the road keep Dusty in view and travel each day looking for the next day's journey and new adventures each day as you did when he was a child,each day brought a new adventure as you watched him grow until one day the tide changed and now each day he watches you grow and see a new adventure each day,how will he see you today ?will it be agonizing or will he see you trying to make the best of this day and not reaching back for something you can't gain back,but each day can give you new meaning if you'll only see the day through Dusty's eyes and you know that he saw it with joy,how is your growth or do you hear Dusty saying ahh Mom come on cheer up now it's all right make this a great day Mom.Just think about the pep talks he giving you but you have to be open each day to hear them and you can't hear them amidst the agony of yesterday and the pain of today that you allow to come with gloom written on it,let tommorow meet you with a smile one that gives you a view of Dusty smiling that you've began to grow and not sulk everyday,that's the joy you'll see in his eyes as I can see my child's face as if she' standing right in front of me and I know what she'll say hey Daddy I love you !!!that is all you need to hear my friend.
At 7:43pm on June 4, 2010, karen whitman said…
Hi Valerie
Let me tell you what I did for my son's birthday...I lite candles and got balloons, for happy birthday, I celebrate each night with candles, God will make him whole again. Please stay with the lord more than you have ever before, this is what I do, I had a bad morning I keep thinking of his accident and what if I had been a better parent, but I am learning that what I am trying to do now is what matters. we are in a club, a horrible club, but soon we will see the light I promise you.
karen
At 2:53pm on June 4, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hi Valerie,a grain is all we need for if that grain is planted in the soil of your heart and watered daily it can grow into the largest tree of hope that you can imagine,so please plant that grain water it & watch it grow.
At 9:12am on June 4, 2010, karen whitman said…
valerie
First of all I am so sorry you lost your son, I lost my son in Novemeber of 2009, he was 24 he was my one & only friend. I thought I was going to die, I wanted to, how can I live with out him. Please don't beat your self up with things you have done in the past, the past is the past and we need to live for today. I feel bad over alot of things, I wasn't a good mother for a while, did drugs, went to prison, left my kids with each one of their grandparents, but when I went to prison there was a bible there and I knew it had to be there for a reason when I got out I turned my life around it has been 20yrs, but 7 of it was without my younger son who passed. I found strength in the lord, it was so hard, its terrribly hard, I celebrate his birthday by lighting candles and balloons, every holiday I will make a place for him in my yard, I want him to see how much I love him and miss him. I learned through angles across the usa, there is a web site, that I belong to, that god gave us memories so we could have roses in December, I always woundered why roses bloomed in December now I know plus the 16th of december is my son's birthday.
What I want to say is your not alone on this journey, I thought I was the only one but I am not, we will never know why just the how part.
karen
At 11:47pm on June 3, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hello Valerie,please don't believe the hype that once a drug addict always a drug addict that's a lie from the devil,I haven't done drugs in over 20 yrs nor snoke a cig.in 20 yrs. & I've never been to anyone's Rehab.I trusted the Lord and he heard my cry and answered and tha strength has been the strength that I've carried with me for the longest and my prayer for you is to get a focus point and stick with it at all cost the love you have for Dusty will be that focal point because there's no reason now for you too do drugs he's taken the fall for you and you have to stand up and not use other things as a cop out to engage in them even though there are people all around you doing the same things I don't care who smokes I just move out of their way because I know that it won't be long that they will meet the stop sign in the road that wil bring them to a halt regardless how long they deceive themselves there's always an end to everything.Reality is what you have too deal with now and I'm begging you to please learn this for me:there is nothing you can do to bring your child back and why kill yourself worrying over things you cannot change, your child would be in agony knowing you're killing yourself and not doing the best you can to uphold his memory by being in joy that God has reach down and stopped you from killing your self in the same manner.I don't sit and worry about my Kisha because she left this world wti a blood vessel bursting in her head and as much as she loves me I'm going to do all I can on her birthdays to remember her smile and hear her voice as I always do saying Daddy I really really love you and that means more to me than anything.Please my dear hold your head up & feel the love as you go day by day you don't have to beat yourself up for doing drugs I've done the same thing and when it paralyzed me as it is doing you I woke up stood up & got my mind back in the game.STOP BEING PARALYZED BY YOU PAST!! God loves you too much for you to wallow in the muck & mire of the things of the past,how long will you beat yourself up there is no going back only forward and forward has more possibilities than backwards.So my friend the ball is in your court God is a God of 2nd,3rd, & so many chances so get up out of tha hogpen mentality and live my friend.Go to work come home and rest your mind,stop thinking about this stuff and rest your mind lay down and go to sleep,rest your mind that's what I tel a lot of people who have accelerated mindsets and that's what you have an Accelerated mindset and this is psychology 101 and its all for free. Any and all please don't drive your ownself crazy for we all know that's not what our child would want for us.I'm thankful for this great opportunity to talk to any & all who are here on this site for it allows us to be open & true I don't bash just try to nudge you in the right way for so many problems are my problem and God has allowed me to go through so you don't have too.Be Blessed till we talk again and I'm willing to talk for I'm up most of the night because of the pain I live in but God is faithful & he pull you thru this just don't go backwards .
At 12:56am on June 3, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Dear Valerie,please don't lose it because God is there for you but you have to believe he's not against you and that's the #1 thing many people have grabbed hold too and that's not how God works for he's given us the mind to know him if we're open to him and you not being able to connect is a sign of what I call blaming God but that can also help us because God wants you to have him to look towards him as when a parent waits until you realize they are there for us,I've even gone through these periods of not wanting to really look up to God and say this is too much for me would you please help me understand this whole situation and then and only then am I given the grace to look inside myself and acknowledge the facts.God says in Jeremiah 29:11-13 I know the thoughts I think toward you,says the Lord,thoughts of peace and not of evil,to give you a future & a hope.12)Then you will call upon me & go & pray to me,and I will listento you.13)And you will seek me & find me,when you search for me with all your heart.this is what God will do for you dear friend .This is what he said to his people whom had been sent into captivity for their rebellion & a number of other things.But there were a few things they had to do and these I introduce to you my friend,#1 Face the facts #2 Hear the Truth #3 Come to Terms!!! you have to face the facts that God loves you so much that he didn't take your child & this is not meant as a criticism it is meant for you to see God's hand in every facet of your life as to not want you to continue to hurt in such a hard way,your son had something that's a danger to many of us and Valerie hear me I used to do drugs and drink liquor & Beer like a fool I jumped out of a car going 60 miles per hour and God has allowed me to live to tell about it but there has been a heavy price to pay so I agonize with you and I had to hear the truth and it was hard for me to be told by someone if I didn't stop drinking I would be dead soon,One woman in our church at that time walked up to me and said you're going to preach God's word and I said lady you don't know what you're talking about I just came home at 4:00 in the morning,wife mad with me my teeth are chattering like a bell,I'm packing toilet paper in my mouth to keep her from hearing it I've spent my child support money on crack cocaineand my wife told me then if you're going to do this then I have to leave or else you straighten up So I had to Come to Terms if I wanted my family,it waas not easy but I'm only on this earth by the grace of God my mother has passed on in 1991 but the night of that little show she hung up the on my friend when they called she asked the question is he dead they said no she hung up .I was never so hurt in my life & when I went to jail she never came to see me for she said she didn't want to see me in a cage.Those were the terms and I heard you say you son said he was not ready to give it up,in the end it inflicted a tll on him that you nor I can undo,God didn't take him but received out of the life he had so clinged to .I have a frienf that I still cry over because I had to preach his funeral because he had HIV_Aids from dirty needles,I once held his arms because he needed a fix so bad and because I didn't shoot dope I was spared that part but I snorted the part he gave me now that's what I did when we were drugging but I never knew the day was coming thatI would be preaching and my best friend would be one I had to stand over so I agonize once again as the love you had for your child continuesto be as strong as ever and don't ever lose that but please have mercy on youself and stop thinking you're the cause of "the things you could not change" that's a sermon I preached because there are thigs you cannot change and they have to run their course and my mom was the one to tell me that,she said James I can't chane some thigs and the ones I could I did. So Valerie please before his birthday come set your heart for a joyus occasion and be thankful for the time you did have him because there are others who have theirs vegatative state as they said my daughter would be and she never did drugs a day in her life but the blood vessel that burst had such an impact on her body that it knocked her cold and she lay for thee days brain dead until her mom looked at me and said you make the decision and I said turn it off for they had done all they could to bring her back,but just like Job I never charged God with thisdeath but I did charge the physical infirmity with my child's death,so I ask you to not charge God but charge the drugs and the spirit behind the drugs for taking your baby and I pray that I have given a thoughtful and truthul answer as far as God is concerned as you go please look up & trust God.
At 4:44pm on June 2, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hello Valerie, I hope you kow that sleeping will not end this and now you've allowed the sleep Demon to get a hold of you and if you don't wake up you'll miss all that Dusty would want you too see and be a part of as the day of his birth don't miss it for the world.I didn't miss my daughter's birthday Monday of this week as she wa born on memorial day & when she turned 21 she alwys wanted a bottle Arbor Mist to share in her birthday,this year came and her mom didn't find the Arbor Mist so she settled for some Bartles & James wine coolers to celebrate her birthday and she cooked rib,chicken ,sausages,shrimp salad,potatoe salad & a few more things and one lady came by just say hello for she knew it waas Kisha's birthday and when dhe saw all of the food she said my what a celebration I must have a little food but that led to a lot so don't SLEEP IN VALERIE for there are people who want to celebrate Dusty's birthday cry on Dusty's birthday but whatever you do don't sleep Dusty's birthday away, now you know his smile would be radiant on a day like this so don't you pass it by for then all you'll have is misery because you didn't get up get on the ball cook up a storm invite some people over and have a good time,LAUGHTER DOES THE HEART good it like a good medicine soothes the soul so my friend WAKE-UP GET-UP and let your Dusty know I'm not going to cover my head while the world goes by .You can't be like the ostrich & stick your head in the sand.Be Blessed and keep Dusty alive not dead!!!!
At 7:44am on June 2, 2010, valerie moore said…
HI EVERYONE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY POST AND RESPONDING WITH YOUR LOVING WORDS. DUSTY'S BIRTHDAY IS APPROACHING ON JUNE 28 AND I AM ALREADY HAVING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME THINKING ABOUT THE DAY, AND WONDERING WHAT SIMPLE THING I CAN DO TO HONOR HIM. HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 26 WITH HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD, BUT THE DRUGS (DEMONS) TOOK OVER HIS ENTIRE LIFE AND HE WAS JUST SO ADDICTED, I CONTINUE TO WONDER, WAS THERE JUST ONE MORE THING I COULD HAVE DONE??? I ASK GOD WHY EVERY DAY. I FEEL HIS LOSS AND LEFT ME WITH A LIFE I CANT IMAGINE GOING ON. I HAVE LOST ALL DREAMS AND HOPES. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN DOING ANYTHING EXCEPT SLEEPING TO NOT FEEL THE HORRIBLE PAIN. I AM SO SAD.....THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL OF YOU TAKING TIME AND SHARING ... LOVE, VALERIE
At 4:28am on June 2, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hello Valerie,I hope you're okay and your faith has given you the strength to climb back on the road & give dusty the joy of knowing that Mom didn't give up in the face of adversity his love will push you on if you can feel the joy and know that he loves you so much and his face is ever smiling when you reach out and reach up and grab the hand that he has extended to keep you going day by day please rise up and know that there are many of us who have to face this journey and you're not alone even when you think you are,for there are mother's and father's who are on this road with you and we all ask you too suit up soldier and get in battle for we have a destiny to reach and that's too see our children at the finish line and I know Dusty will to be there to greet you with his smile wide and arms open on that joyus day so let me kow if you're still travelimg as we go we all go and your pain is my pain and all of us have on the same shoes and we know what its like to walk without our child as my child Kisha's birthday was monday memorial day and I see her as a christian soldier who was a casualty of this war we face and that's the physical infirmities that are so prevalent in our society.My Kisha was 28 yrs old on moday and I thought about her all day long but I was not sad because I know she loves daddy with all of her heart and for all of the parents who's child has gone on but know this our hearts are knitted together with theirs, so Valerie all of love from the Father's throne goes to your heart as Dusty's smile say's mom cheer up and don't give up as I wish you to live on in the love that we shared as we all live on in the love we share as we never lose our love .Be Blessed Valerie and I hope to hear from you soon.
At 8:27am on March 2, 2010, kathy said…
Dear Val,
I was reading an article it stated; after her daughter’s death, we experienced grief far worse than we did during her life. At times I would be overwhelmed with grief and would burst into tears at the most inopportune time. I couldn’t understand why Jehovah wasn’t ending my grief. But Gil and my Christian brothers and sisters were very patient with me, and I began to see that I was expecting God to remove the grief right away, which was unrealistic. Time and continued reliance on Jehovah made the grief easier to bear. Val give yourself time. The article goes on to say; Now God promises for the future in his Paradise on earth under Kingdom rule have a deeper meaning for us. We look forward to seeing Suzy again in the resurrection. (Matthew 6:9, 10; John 5:28, 29) Since she is asleep in death at present, for her it will be like going to bed one night, a sick little girl with so many handicaps, and then waking up the next morning to a happy, beautiful life in God’s new world. More and more, as time goes on, we think of Suzy, not as she was, but as she will be in that restored Paradise. We do miss Suzy very much, and there will always be an empty space in our family until we have her with us again. Meanwhile, it is comforting to know that she is in the memory of our loving God. The resurrection promise, the help we have from God through prayer, association with our Christian brothers and sisters, and the guidance from God’s Word enabled us to face the challenge of caring for a special child and the pain of losing her.—Contributed
Kathy
At 5:38pm on March 1, 2010, Kathy Mook said…
Valerie, I'm sorry for the loss of your Dusty. I will be praying for you. Joel Olsteen is a very positive pastor. We could all use some positive in this dark valley. Don't push yourself to go back if you aren't ready. Just glean God's love from where ever you can handle. You are loved. Blessings,Kathy
At 2:52pm on March 1, 2010, Valerie said…
I had to send you a comment.,, My son Dustin died at the age of 21, Jan 2005.,, My name is Valerie.,, I had to reach out to you.,,
I struggle every day., I miss him horribly., I've continued working and trying to focus daily on the positives.,, but believe me , it does get to me and knocks me right off my feet., I often wonder, " how do I get thru this" ., I didn't go to church prior to Dustin' passing, Ive always believed in God, so after he died I turned to church and God.,, it did help. but every Sunday., I usually would just cry at church., so needless to say I just quit going., I struggle everyday., Be strong
At 2:48pm on February 17, 2010, kathy said…
Dear Valerie,
I thought of you last, and remembered you in my prayers I understand you being angry but don’t be angry with God because he permits suffering. Not when you consider that God has promised to end all suffering.Read (2 Peter 3:13) Nor does God cause bad things to happen. Many tragic happenings are simply the result of random events. Imagine, for example, that the wind blows a tree down and it injures someone. People may call this an act of God. But God did not make that tree fall down. The Bible helps us to appreciate that such things are simply the sad result of “time and unforeseen occurrence. Please read in your copy of the bible”—Ecclesiastes 9:11. Suffering may also stem from poor judgment as in your sons case. Who is to blame? God? Unfortunately in his weakness He reaped the consequences of poor judgment your son was not perfect we all fall short. Read—Galatians 6:7. Valerie try to avoid the conclusion that God somehow wants anyone to suffer or that he is personally testing us (Hebrews 5:8; 1 Peter 1:7) The Bible plainly states: “When under trial, let no one say: ‘I am being tried by God.’ For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.” Val Give your self time to heal, don’t be afraid to cry or express your emotions. Why, even Jesus once “gave way to tears” over the tragic loss of a friend! Read—John 11:35. The Bible assures us that one-day we will be “set free from enslavement to corruption” and enjoy “the glorious freedom of the children of God.” Read (Romans 8:21) Until then, many good people may suffer the loss of a loved one.
kathy
At 12:24pm on February 16, 2010, kathy said…
Valerie,
I was drawn to write to you because of the legacy you wrote about your son. I'm sorry to read your heart aches with sadness I am praying for you. Facing the death of someone so close to your heart is emotionally devastating, to say the least. Even Christ Jesus "became troubled and gave way to tears" at the death of his close friend, Lazarus, although he knew that he would resurrect him just moments later.(John 11:35,38-44) We offer our deepest sympathy. Your sons death is no doubt devastating and no words can express the hurt and anguish nor touch on how you feel. Sometimes it's hard to understand, why God allows these things happen. Just as the ancient patriarch Job described it when he said: “Man . . . is short-lived and glutted with agitation.”—Job 14:1. Never was it God purpose for our human lives to be taken away. Although your pain will not easily disappear, prayer to God will bring comfort to you as you grieve. Soon God will wipe out every tear from our eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away…Revelation 21:4 Please don't give up.
At 11:21am on February 16, 2010, Tammy Egberts said…
valerie, hello again..the pain just never stops.....it has been 6 months since we lost robby, it will be on the 19th of this month..i still think i am going to wake up from this nightmare..yes, every day is a challenge just to get out of bed, but i guess we have to keep on keep on going...i found this site called "angels across america" alan pederson who lost his 18 yr old daughter travels all over the usa, and gives concerts, he has a ministry sort of..i am going to try to make the ocala, fl concert on april 7th. he wrote this song called
tonight i hold this candle" it is beautiful...i have been listening to alot of christian songs.. also, meredith andrews "you are not alone" yes, they are sad, and it is difficult, but they truly touch the heart...valerie, there is no time limit on our grief, it will be for the rest of our lives..i loved my son with every ounce of my being, and i know he loved me, and i will be with him again...please take care of yourself, you know your son would want you to. he loved you, and you will be with him someday again...we have to believe that to be able to go on with what is left of our lives. i wish you had more support, but i can relate because i feel very alone myself, accept when i talk to robby...keep talking to everyone on legacy, even if just to vent becdause i think it does help a little..take care, and bless you every day.. your friend tammy E
At 11:21am on February 16, 2010, Cindy said…
Hi Valerie,
I am thinking of you. I read your post and truly understand your pain. Not long ago I lost my brother to suicide that was brought on by his addiction to drugs. While it was something my family had talked about happening and struggled to help him with, it was something else all together when it became real. Shortly after his death, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Over the next 16 months my family suffered greatly. My cousin was killed in a car accident, my mother lost her battle, my stepfather followed shortly after, and just when I didn't think I could handle another loss...my only child, Madison, was killed in a car accident two weeks into her freshman year of college. I still pretend that she is still here. Somedays that is the only way I can get up and get through the day. I wish I had some magic words to help you through, but I don't. Just know that you are not alone. One day we will both be together again with our children. Until then, we can only try to make them proud by holding on!!
At 10:04pm on February 9, 2010, Tammy said…
you are exactly right I've been told that alot also they don't understand that a mother cannot just move on. I have this pain in my heart everyday still, I cry at least 3-4 times a day too. But I have to hide it from certain people who can't understand my younger sister passed away on July 16th the prior year and she also was a twin and my other sister trys to compare that she had a much major loss to my own she is just so cold hearted about it to me and she thinks that if you keep busy you can forget the loss. She keeps my son busy doing for her like it is a help to him but it isn't he feels lost without his twin sister and it is gonna be real hard to celebrate his birthday alone next week So I know how you are feeling living in pain and emotion everyday. I don't know when it will get better all I know is that the pain hasn't led up and the littlest things make me cry I have written down my thoughts and it does help temporarily but the mind still races of what I could have done differently. We can try to comfort each other through these difficult times to maybe just keep writing back and forth. I know you have feeling of anger to God as do I sometimes but he took them from us because they were in constant suffering and he probably felt they suffered enough in life, Maybe Im not making any sense but my broken heart goes out to you as mothers

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