That was very mean of the person you texted , and I'm so sorry it get's better I deleted Andy's number off my phone because I know I would text or call it and I think his wife has his phone so that's what my daughter suggested I do and I did, it took a while but I finally did it, Of course I cried after I did it but I still have a voicemail from him and I listen to it time to time................

Thanks and I know what you mean but the good thing is Andy had three lovely children a son 12 and two beautiful twins a boy and girl, and he also had three step children so he lives through them and the boy twin is a carbon copy of him, he looks like andy reliving his life and I've found peace in knowing he left a part of him here for us to continue to Love thanks for your prayers and you will be in my prayers I know you miss your daughter but I prayer that it gets better for you..............

Hi LU lU happy valentines day. I don't know if today is better than yesterday. How can it ever be like it was when our loves were talking to us and loving us and us loving them.each day is different. I have moaning. like a sick cow. smile maybe that is what i have become. love to you and your loss... carrie L

hi thank u for rightin on my wall, im sorry for ur loss too, i do ask my self why an wat ifs, i avnt really cryed over my daughter, not like a mother shud u no. i so wish i cud but to scared to as i might feel as im lettin go an i dont want.

little things have bin happening in my home lately and i wounder if thats her lettin me now shes here, cus i no wen things happen no ones there an the cat is always in the same room as me.

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/howardsmemorialwebsites/homepage.aspx

 

Please See My Memorial Page For My Beloved Son

 Why Is It I can't access other members sites?

 

Thank you Lulu for thinking of me today. What an emotional day this 1st anniversary was! I uploaded over 140+ pictures of my beloved son, Todd. From his birth picture to his last. I had a friend make a video with songs; it was just a beautiful tribute! I still can't believe he is gone, even after a year has passed. I still think he will walk thru our back door; I long for the hugs and the "I love you mom". I miss him terribly. The pain is unbearable and will be as long as I am on this earth without him. Hugs to you.

Thank you Lulu for thinking of me today. What an emotional day this 1st anniversary was! I uploaded over 140+ pictures of my beloved son, Todd. From his birth picture to his last. I had a friend make a video with songs; it was just a beautiful tribute! I still can't believe he is gone, even after a year has passed. I still think he will walk thru our back door; I long for the hugs and the "I love you mom". I miss him terribly. The pain is unbearable and will be as long as I am on this earth without him. Hugs to you.

Hi Lu LU hope your doing ok today iam not crying today but i am taking a little medicine that helps not to cry.. i am very sad. and i go through spells i don't think he would want me to be sad.... and your daughter wouldn't want you to be sad either... Carrie L

Hi Lu lU thanks for writing i am so sorry about your crying i know exactly what you are talking about. i cry too ..... my baby was only almost 24 then made that fatal mistake. he was such a beautiful spirit... carrie L

Hi Lu LU hope you are ok today. so sorry we are in this pain. but they are no longer to share all their love and happiness and sadness with us they are gone. i don't like it. never will. wasted time i could have spent every day with him and didn't. i have moved also regret it. my dad is in inglis florida not too far from you i need to see him also. carrie l

I have not been on here in a while. Thank you for your comment. One of the things I am struggling with now is tha fact that yes life does go on. Matthews friends are getting married and having babies and those are all good things I have envisioned for my son. I have been looking forward to sharing that happiness with him. I am jealous, hurting and I guess feeling sorry for myself that I will never have grandchildren. I feel like no one is thinking about him anymore. I don't want anyone to ever forget my sweet son and how wonderful that he is. He is a constant in my thoughts. I just want to dream about him so I can see him again. The pain is absoutely unbearable at times. Through this site and reading other post, I know I am not alone. My heart goes out to everybody who has lost some one.

I have not been on here in a while. Thank you for your comment. One of the things I am struggling with now is tha fact that yes life does go on. Matthews friends are getting married and having babies and those are all good things I have envisioned for my son. I have been looking forward to sharing that happiness with him. I am jealous, hurting and I guess feeling sorry for myself that I will never have grandchildren. I feel like no one is thinking about him anymore. I don't want anyone to ever forget my sweet son and how wonderful that he is. He is a constant in my thoughts. I just want to dream about him so I can see him again. The pain is absoutely unbearable at times. Through this site and reading other post, I know I am not alone. My heart goes out to everybody who has lost some one.

thank you lulu. Taking it one day at a time. Working on forgiving myself and its just to painful to go there. How can i ever forgive myself. Finding balance and meaning is my challenge every day. I woke up the other day and could smell a really sweat aromain my room. Thought of the girls. I miss them so very much. Hope you are doing well also.

thank you lulu. Taking it one day at a time. Working on forgiving myself and its just to painful to go there. How can i ever forgive myself. Finding balance and meaning is my challenge every day. I woke up the other day and could smell a really sweat aromain my room. Thought of the girls. I miss them so very much. Hope you are doing well also.

Hi Lulu, just glancing thru the Legacy site and saw your comment of August 11th. For some reason, I never seen this one. I feel the same way, as if I am losing my mind. Today I sit here sobbing....there are some mornings that I could get up and have energy to do things, some not. I think the grief actually gets worse...in the beginning, there is shock, there is unreality, etc. Later on, the reality is there...that they are gone and not coming back. There is family, friends, etc. all around in the beginning as well...things change. Not that they want to ignore you, but you start to see the lack of calls, cards, etc. We are on our own to deal with this terrible loss and nobody can really help. I go to support groups and I can't believe the new members. The suicide rate is so high and just so sad. God bless you and us mothers know the love between a mom and a child will last forever. There is no closer bond.

Hi Lulu, just glancing thru the Legacy site and saw your comment of August 11th. For some reason, I never seen this one. I feel the same way, as if I am losing my mind. Today I sit here sobbing....there are some mornings that I could get up and have energy to do things, some not. I think the grief actually gets worse...in the beginning, there is shock, there is unreality, etc. Later on, the reality is there...that they are gone and not coming back. There is family, friends, etc. all around in the beginning as well...things change. Not that they want to ignore you, but you start to see the lack of calls, cards, etc. We are on our own to deal with this terrible loss and nobody can really help. I go to support groups and I can't believe the new members. The suicide rate is so high and just so sad. God bless you and us mothers know the love between a mom and a child will last forever. There is no closer bond.

Hi Lu Lu you can vent any time. How far away were you from her? I moved 750 miles away and wish I hadn't. For perhaps this wouldn't of happened. but i cannot change any of that now. I am so sorry for you your daughter and her son. He would want her and the husband .. well you know where.... anyway. Men are a different beast than us. which lovely lady in the photo is your daughter ? does your other daughter live near to you? Yep we love them but take it for granted that they will outlive us. Death was always someone elses problem. My son was having some problems which if i were closer probably could have helped with. I feel I abandoned him. now the economy is so bad ... i don't have the funds to make the trip to see my other son. it is very sad. and i see a lot of things i didn't. Well like i said I never thought he would die. I worried about snowboarding and cars. But never thought deeply about death and how it would be without them. never talked to them about it. never really thought about my own death. really a nieve person and i regret it. i know we are feeling a lot of the same feelings. where are you florida? My dad is in inglis. I need togo see him also. it is weird how we move away... i like farms that is why i moved here but it all seems insignificant if you can't call your child and talk and take them out to dinner or movies and love them... Carrie L

Hi Lu LU thanks for writing. Today was ok. got some sewing work done. Yesterday was a doozy for me too. I think we will have these problems forever wanting them back wondering why. Never thought we would have these problems but any of us can go at any time. we are not invincible. You have her children? That is a blessing and we are blessed with our health. please write whenever you want I enjoy talking to people who know what I am feeling. and the feelings. are so very deep. Carrie L

Hi LU LU I am so sorry for your lossIs that your daughter on the left in the photo. I miss my baby also. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He was struggling I guess like a lot of our precious children were. I can't say he's in a better place. ever.... i want him with me. I guess death won't be so horrible when it is my time for I want him. he was taken far too soon. Carrie L