Elvira Castellanos's Comments

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At 6:01am on July 10, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Goog morning,El, thinking of you as the wedding is only two days away. Hope your doing ok. I'm sure your very busy, and that's probably a good thing..hope your getting some rest.. Talk sonn
At 7:31am on July 7, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Try to be strong my friend, I know it's going to be a rough time for you this week, I praying god gives you the strength to make it by. Think of Pablo,smiling down on all of you, and how proud he would have been. Inmy thoughts and prayers
At 8:11am on July 6, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning El, thinking of you, knowing that the wedding is less then a week away. Hope you are doing ok. Just to let you know your on my mind. Wishing you some happiness and joy, and comfort inthe days ahead. My days are still gloomy, actually had a melt down yesterday. I was at my cousins,she had company and she said the wrong thing, and I said I had to leave. Then there were tears, and I lost it. I guess I'm just so sensitive now, and things hit me the wrong way. I'm sure you can relate. Hope today is a better day, take care, I know you mustbe very busy, so write when you can, in my prayers always.
At 8:07am on July 2, 2014, Marie said…

I'm going to Scandinavia -Denmark-Norway.  Since they live in Singapore they wanted to do something that wouldn't be too far to travel for either one.  Although 10 hours to me is too long especially by myself.  John and I would travel but being with someone is always more fun.  Some of my anxiety I'm having lately is because I know I will  be traveling a long distance by myself.  I would rather be going on your trip.  Much closer and the places are beautiful and relaxing.  I'm sure I'll have fun once I get there so I have to work on some kind of breathing exercises to help me through this.  My last name is Martin and I will send another friend request to you.  I would love to see pictures of the wedding and the centerpieces you are making for rehearsal.  And yes it is difficult to think that our husbands are not traveling with us anymore but you do need the relaxation time.  Anxiety can become overwhelming sometimes.  Is the anti depressant helping?  I'm considering trying one too.



At 8:00am on July 2, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Elvira, I just requested you as a friend on face book, love to see your wedding pictures, and we can talk more,take care my friend
At 7:34am on July 2, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi El,yes it's so lonely here, and I'm not makeing much progress, feel out of control, don't want to really do much, and I know I have to.. Many things to take care of, and I never had to do these things by myself. Today is the 4th month, of his passing, and I had a terrible day yesterday, and I'm sure today will not be much better. I had a wonderful dream yesterday, that he was back, and I was so happy, it was so real, and I said oh my god I have to tellhimhow much I missed him, then I woke up, and I wondered if he was trying to tell me something. Ihabea great friend here that lost her husband 5 years ago, and she is the only one that really understands, what im feeling. We always went out foe dinner, etc with them, and I know how hard it was for her,butnow I truly know.. Others say to me, you have to get a grip on this and go forward, you have a lot to live for, and that makes me angry, they don't get it.i love my kids, but tney can't fill the empty hole in broken heart. Enough of me, I will be thinking of you, and praying you can maybe enjoy your sons wedding, as hard as it will be.i know your emotions willbe all over the place, but being with friends and family will help you make it. Lean on who you can. Let me know how you are doing over the next week, you'll be in my thoughts. Can't wait to get back to Jersey, so we can meet.our hearts are broken, maybe we can help each other heal. Take care my friend, talk soon
At 9:06pm on July 1, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira,  I agree with you on the heat part.  It has been hot and humid in Chicago as well.  When I was younger I could handle it much better than I can now.  If its not hot and humid then we are getting battered by storms.  Yesterday we had such bad storms and some of my neighbors lost power and I just kept praying to John to please keep my power on.  I wouldn't know what to do if the sump pump wasn't working.  Well I never lost power so I will continue to say that our husbands are watching over us.

It sounds like you are very busy doing fun things not work related.  This is good but just remember to never get too tired.  When we do this it makes all the sadness come rushing back in to our heads.  My daughter is coming in on Thursday.  I am so excited to have her here.  It seems like its either feast or famine.  My daughter is coming in for a week, then my daughter in laws cousin is coming to stay with me for a couple of weeks to check out some schools in the states (she is from Bulgaria). After that in a week and a half I go on vacation with my son, daughter in law and her mother.  This is where my therapist cautions me not to get to overwhelmed.  Enjoy making your centerpieces.  Post a picture of them on your facebook.  I think I sent you a friend request.  Have a peaceful day and evening.  Lots of hugs and always thinking of you.


At 8:38am on June 30, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira,  Sounds like a wonderful venue for the baby shower and also kind of sweet that it will be on the same day as your bridal shower.  Its a sign that Pablo is thinking of you.  It is difficult doing things without our husbands.  I hate making decisions that involve large amounts of money by myself.  The wedding is coming up quickly and you are going to make it through just fine and have a wonderful day.  Your husband is always with you in your heart,  He will get to enjoy the day through you.  So don't forget to smile!

Sending you lots of hugs,


At 7:07am on June 29, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning El, thinking of you, as the wedding is so soon. Hope your ok, and maybe smiling a bit.so bitter sweet for you, as I know you would want to share all these wonderful events with him. I hope in some small way you can enjoy it all with your family beside you. I'm still struggling with my emotions, so up and down. Have no answers, or direction .just trying to get by each day, as hard as it is. Take are of yourself, and write soon, always in my thoughts and prayers
At 7:49am on June 27, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira,  I'm doing ok.  I'm looking forward to my daughter coming next week to stay with me through July 11th.  That is the 1 year anniversay and it will be nice to have her so we can cry and hug each other.  Pretty sad when you know what you're going to do come that day.  You sound a little more upbeat, I think that's great.  Keeping busy with the wedding and baby shower is the best medicine.  Have a wonderful weekend!



At 8:12pm on June 26, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good evening El, I've read some of your posts, and I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time, but your not alone, I'm struggling too..it's four months for me too, and your right it's not getting any easier. Being in Fla, is even harder then being in Jersey. He passed here, and the memory, is still fresh. I walk around this house, and it's not the same without him. But then again nothing is the same without him. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you, and feeling the sme emptiness as you are. I'm also crying all the time, and don't even want to be around anyone because I'm really not good company for anybody. Life just dosnt have much meaning right now.. Try to hang in there, knowing your not alone with your grief. Guess we don't have much of a choice, just seems like a long road ahead for us both,, prayers, and hugs, I'll write soon
At 8:45am on June 23, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira,  Just checking in on you to make sure you're okay.  Let me know.



At 11:23am on June 22, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Happy to hear from you El,hate to unload but here goes, everyday is empty and has little meaning for me. I think of what life has in store for me and I have no answers. All my life he was everything I ever wanted, I had it and it has been taken from me. It's hard to look tote future without him. So I just don't know where I'm going. I feel like a animal in a maze, and there is no way out. Life will never Berne same..you are so right when you say,you can't share happy events with him. I know how you feel. As happy as we canbe for our loved ones, we don't have that one person to share it with. I dont like the road I'm traveling, but I don't know how to make it better.. I wish you some joy as your sons wedding is so soon. I'm sure he will be with you in spirit, and you will be thinking of him the whole time. I know we are not the only people who have lost our love, our partner, and I wonder how they get on with their lives. Maybe it's just to soon for us. I know the emtyness will never leave, but I pray some day ican understand, and maybe cope a little better, I wish this for you too. Try to stay as strong as you can, your always in my thoughts and prayers. When I get back we will make a date to meet. I will look forward to that. Be in touch soon
At 6:39pm on June 21, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira,  Sorry I haven't posted lately but I've been under a lot of stress as well.  My son and daughter in law who were married a week before the accident are having difficulties because they both miss their dads, then work is crazy and I told my boss I can't take it anymore.  He needs to shift some work to someone else for a while.  I'm sorry that you're feeling ill and having panic attacks.  Although I do know how those feel.  Please take care of yourself you don't want all this stress to affect your health.  Sometimes when I'm feeling panicked or feeling sad that John isn't enjoying an event that we used to both go to.  I tell myself that I'm going to enjoy it for both of us and I always have his picture near me.  At least your keeping busy with the kids.  I'm sure the next few weeks are going to be extremely stressful and hectic.  When the wedding comes take a framed picture of your husband with you and keep it on the table at the reception hall.  He'll be with you in your heart. I was telling my daughter that the next time I visit her in NYC I would love to get in touch with you and maybe we could meet somewhere.  I would give you the biggest hug ever!  You take care of yourself.


At 6:22am on June 20, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi El, even though I havnt posted anything you are on my mind. It really dosnt matter where I am the sorrow is still the same.. I had to feel my way, but it's no better being here without him.. Still fantasize about wakeing up, and he is still going to be with me..yes the tears are still flowing,and the sad part is I don't really know what or were, my life is going to take me next. I feel as though I have nothing to look forward to. Friends try to include me , when they are doing something but I decline, just not ready to socialize, I don't have a positive outlook right now. I look at his picture and say WHY did you leave me. I have my kids, and friends but still feel alone..so as you can tell, things are not getting much better for me either. Everything here reminds me of him and what we had, it's not the same any longer, nothing is. You know, i was so competent at one time, and know I feel so inept. Searching my mind all the time, to try to get a hold of things, and getting no answers. Feel weak, and not the strong person I use to be, stay well I'llbe in touch soon hugs and stay well
At 8:07am on June 17, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira, I know the feeling of coming home and John not being there. It's so quiet and lonely I just keep moving and trying never to sit down so I don't have to think about the lonliness.  I usual do things and then just go to bed.  No more sitting down watching a program together and laughing or just knowing that he's in the other room while I'm doing something else.  Those days are gone forever.  At least you still have your sister at home so that must be a little company for you.  As for going to a funeral I had to pass on a couple that I should have attended.  Just couldn't do it.  It's going to be difficult for you and I wish you strength and peace to help you get through it.


At 6:39pm on June 16, 2014, Marie said…

  Elvira, I'm happy that you were surrounded by family on Fathers Day.  Hopefully it made it a little easier for you.  I understand the crying it just seems to never stop.  Some days you think you might make it through an entire day without crying but some little event or memory will make it start all over. Keep telling yourself that your sons wedding is a happy time (which it is) and that Pablo would want you to be happy as if though he was there with you. I'm better today but its always easier when you go to work and get your mind off of things.  I'm just so exhausted from working, taking care of the house, cars,, yardwork.  We have someone that cuts our grass and bushes but there's always a lot of other things to do.  I see my sister in law who lives behind me and does not work just sitting outside enjoying the day and evening while I'm working.  You think she would ask to water the plants for me but that's a joke.  I too am glad that I met you and Barbara on this site.  There are some people you feel more connected to than others and the two of you are those for me.  Have a nice evening and sleep well.


At 2:14pm on June 16, 2014, Lori laderas said…
Thank u for responding
My husband and son found dead in my house,,I was stayin over my dauthers house that night and got the called by police at Monday morning...I'm shocked and I tried to kill myself but woke up at the er hospital ,,,I was bakers act then after that...I have my dauther did all the service and the funeral arrangement while I'm at psychotic hospital
I have taken more pills than ever..I have no closure @all
I'm still hurting and crying all day ,,,I took a year off from work ,,,but I'm back working part time,,,my co employees keep saying I'm strong they don't realize how I feel ,,,and the comment are worse,,,how r u ? I'm not k
Y even ask me,,I'm isolating myself to everybody ,,friend and families,,,I feel like I want to die ,,I miss them soooo much specially my baby,,y this happen to me,,,y.
At 8:01am on June 16, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira,  Hope you had a better weekend then I did.  I thought I was going to be strong but I fell apart again.  I cried Saturday and Sunday all day.  I'm trying to understand why my siblings didn't even call or facebook me and the kids with some remark that their father/husband is not here for fathers day.  I don't understand people at all and when this happens I just wish they could suffer the way we are.  I know its wrong but thats how I feel right now.  They were all going about their happy lives posting pictures of the fun they were having yesterday and not once did they even comment on posts my kids and I had posted about John.  Selfish, there are no other words to describe it.  I had a few close friends call and even go to the cemetary with me.  I feel blessed to have them in my life.  Enough about me, how are you doing.  This must have been very difficult for you and I wish I could take our pain away and make everything good for us.  Hugs  Marie

At 9:47pm on June 11, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira,  I'm here for you if you need me.  I had a bad day today too.  Today is 11 months since the accident.  I'm sure you will have a nice time with your friend.  Let me know how it goes and remember to smile.  Pablo would have wanted you to be happy.

Hugs and prayers coming your way


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