Elvira Castellanos's Comments

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At 9:32am on June 11, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira,  It does get a little better but I'll be completely honest with you.  The sorrow follows you where ever you go.  It is relentless.  You are going through the toughest of times but it will ease up a bit.  The medication might help it not be so strong.  I'm always here for you if you need to talk about anything.  I think sometimes we need to bring some happiness into our lives to help us get through all the sadness.  Take care and keep posting.

Marie

At 7:55am on June 11, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning El, sorry your having such a hard time, but I understand.. Leaving early in the am tomorrow. I used to be so happy to go back to Fla, but it wontbethe same, and honestly I'm not looking forward to it. But I have to tie things up down there and make some changes, and decisions. Your so right, it seems the hard days last forever, like going one step forward and three back. Is ever going to get easier, I don't see how, when my happiness has been taken away. The feeling of missing him , consumes me also. Everyone says, you were so lucky to have what few ever find, but that only makes me miss him more. Take comfort in knowing, you are not alone, for I share your sadness, and understand this unending journey. I can't wait to meet you in person, and I'm sure we will shed some tears together. But maybe we can also manage a smile, because of the unfortunate situation that has brought us together. Hold on my friend, your in my prayers and thoughts always. Hugs, I'll be in touch.
At 6:10am on June 10, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning El, no I'm leaving Thursday, and it will be hard , knowing I'm going back to our home there.. I have to make so many decsisions, and this is really going tobe difficult, I feel so out of control of my life, as we always made choices together, and now I'm alone to carry on, without him to bounce things off of. In as all way, I can relate to your feelings about the wedding , I attended a wedding on Sat. And it was very hard.. Geary eyed all day,not one dance, as we always loved to dance together. Actually, I did not get up off my chair all night.. With him we would have had a good time. I'm sure your gown is beautiful, and know your going to look lovely, but I know what you mean, not having him there to compliment you. I felt that way to on SAt, as he would always make a big fuss, when I got dressed up. Sooo different. I hope your new Meds, help you. I'm having such a hard time sleeping, and I'll see our doctor in Fla, to see if he can help with something new too. Not getting enough rest, is not helping me. Feel like a zombie, in a daze, half the time. When your wedding comes I hope you'll have many, around you to help you through, and comfort you. You'll be in my thoughts, and prayers. I will keep in touch while I'm away, and we will get together, when I retun. Do your best, that's all you can do right now..hugs to you, talk soon
At 9:47pm on June 9, 2014, Marie said…

Dear Elvira, I wish I was there so I could give you a hug and to help you get through the day.  My heartbreaks for you.  I know how hard each anniversary month is.  I'm glad you are on anti depressants.  Maybe they will help to balance things out so you are not so overwhelmed with the grief and can enjoy your sons wedding. It's a difficult time for us and then to see our children cry makes it even worse.  I am doing fine or as well as I can.  Wednesday will be 11 months for me and like you I always dread when the date is approaching and can't even imagine the mess I'll be when its 1 year anniversary.  But that's enough about me I want you to feel better and take care of yourself.  I'm sending you tons of hugs and prayers.  May God help you through this day.

Marie

At 12:05pm on June 5, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad.  It's important that you take care of yourself and manage the stress so it doesn't cause health issues for you.  I know that easier said than done.  I'm right there with you.  Why is it everytime we turn around there's a holiday or some special occassion coming up that just brings back all the memories and creates sadness?  It will be 11 months since the accident on June 11th so I'm right behind you.  It seems as these anniversary dates start approaching our anxieties increase because we just can't believe what happened.  Almost like its a bad dream and this couldn't possibly be happening to us.  I have just resigned myself to crying when I'm alone at home in the car on the way to work.  The sorrow is never ending but we have to try to be stronger than this so as not to get sick.

I had a wonderful time in San Francisco with my son.  I must say that I had a little anxiety attack on the way there because John wasn't sitting next to me.  Instead some stranger was.  And on the way back I was sad because I was leaving my son. I just want to be happy again. 

Glad you're going to the doctor to adjust those meds. If you're feeling bad don't isolate yourself instead send us a post so we can all support you through a difficult time.

Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.

Marie

At 6:50pm on June 4, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi El, so happy to hear from you, I worry about you. Went out for a little dinner with my girls, it's good to see them, but they worry about me too I too had two bad days.. Couldn't sleep last night up at one thirty, had to take a Xanax to fall back to sleep, and then up again at six am, so I feel so tired tonight. I know most of it is mental, and it's wearing me down too. I will definaley keep in touch while I'm in Fla.. And when I get back we can p,an on getting together. I can understand how the wedding is praying heavy on your mind, and I hope you can get through the day with some happiness. I have a wedding to attend this Sat. And it will be so different without him beside me. My daughter is going with me, I couldn't stand to go alone. Only we can relate to the sorrow, and great loss we feel, and I'm thankful we can maybe in some small way console each other. Hope for better days ahead for us both, and you know I'm thinking of you. Take care, talk soon
At 8:47am on June 4, 2014, Marie said…

Hi, I was wondering how you're doing.  Haven't seen you post lately.  I don't know about you but I am struggling with Fathers Day coming soon and trying to figure out what I should do that day to keep myself busy and not cry all day.  I am planning to go to the cemetary but after that need to do something.  I'm worried about the kids too, especially my daughter she has really been suffering since the accident.  Why is it that everytime we turn a corner another holiday or special event is approaching and once again we have to prepare ourselves for the sadness of our spouses not being here.  Will it ever stop?   Hope you are well, thinking of you.

Marie

At 8:57am on June 2, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Oh, El, I really know how you feel, today is 3 months for me, and the weekend was really horrible too. Please don't ever feel you are a burden to me, I look forward to connecting with you as we are in the same place, unfortunatley. I can understand your feelings about the wedding approaching, so bitter sweet, and so sad you have to be without your soul mate and your love. I can understand the loneliness, as you too would have been so proud together. Life sure has a way of turning things around. I'm here to listen to you whenever, maybe it helps me to know I can comfort someone else going through, the same agony as I am, and who truly understands. I feel a connection to you, so please keep in touch so I know how your doing. Some day we will meet, and I will look forward to that. As I told you, I'm leaving for Fla, next week, and have much to do before I go. When I get back we will ave to make a plan to meet. Try to get by each day, knowing you have a friend who understands. Talk soon, and sending you hugs, and prayers
At 10:25am on June 1, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning El, it's Sunday, and I havnt heard from you in a few days, hope your ok. Tomorrow is June 2, it will be three months,since jack is gone. I'm really feeling sodown in the dumps today. I really seem so alone. Went to my sons yesterday, to watch my grandson play baseball, thought it would lift my spirits, but as I watch other couples around me itbringsback the reality, I have no one to share things with any longer. We would always go together to the kids events. Then I come home to the silence, and lonely house. Did not sleep well, so I'm going to try to lay down for awhile, and maybe I won't cry so much. I'm going to shut out the world today. Write back when you can,in my thoughts, and wishing you a better day then mine
At 8:37am on May 30, 2014, Marie said…

You are so right about the stress and its effect on our health.  I feel nervous and anxious a lot.  Medication doesn't always help me either. I also could lose some weight and can't seem to.  It must be the stress keeping it on.  Well I'm going to San Francisco for the weekend to meet up with my son.  He's there on business so this was a good opportunity to see him.  Talk about stress these past few days thinking about going on a trip without John and also having to worry about the dog and everything else before I leave is very overwhelming.  But I've decided I'm going to have a good time.  My son and daughter in law upgraded me to First Class so that's a nice treat.  Hope you have a great weekend with little crying.  Hugs and prayers

Marie

At 9:10pm on May 28, 2014, Marie said…

I did my share of crying today as well.  Because my husband was killed in an auto accident they are asking for all my medical records including my therapy treatments.  My therapist had me read what she is submitting and I just sat and cried as I read her report from the day I first say her until now.  She is right that I am suffering from Post traumatic stress.  Then I went to get my nails done and started crying again.  That seems to be all we do lately, isn't it.  Another thing that stressed me out is that my coworker and friend brought up the year anniversary of the accident which is coming up soon and even though she meant well my asking if I would like her to spend the night with me, it still made me tense up and get all anxious and stressed.  Well enough of my venting.  Lets hope that all of us can have a good night with at least one pleasant thought.  Sending many hugs, Marie

At 10:21pm on May 27, 2014, Marie said…

Elvira, at least I got you to laugh a little.  I thought about you not drinking as I was writing but thought to myself that under the circumstances now would  be a good time to start :). Sometimes don't you just hate putting on that smiley face and wait for the moment you can be alone and just cry?  I do. As I  said to Barbara I am so lucky to have you and her to talk to.  Too bad we live far apart otherwise we could have our own grieve support group.  Hugs to you

Marie

At 8:30pm on May 27, 2014, Karen W said…
Elvira, I do understand and don't feel like you are rambling. Sometimes our emotions get too crazy to make any sense of or to put into words. It was a long sad weekend and I'm so glad it's over. Next week it will be 6 months since I lost Ed and sometimes I swear it gets worse instead of easier. When I went back to work after Ed died, a co worker expressed her condolences, hugged me and whispered in my ear, "it won't get better any time soon, and don't believe anyone who tells you it will." She was so right. Friday is my birthday and I scheduled the day off because Ed always sent me roses at work on my birthday and I felt I would just lose it when they don't arrive this year. I feel like some of my friends are growing tired of my grief. I guess they think I should be getting over it by now. How can you "get over" 25 years in 6 months? I understand your mixed feelings about your sons wedding. What a bittersweet event. Something else we have in common...my daughter is getting married in September. I'm so very happy for her but cannot get excited about it and, like you, a part of me is dreading it. I look forward to the time when I wake up in the morning and don't have to search for a reason to get out of bed. My first thought every morning is that Ed is gone. My last thought when I go to bed at night is that Ed is gone. Every morning I convince myself to get up by telling myself to take one day at a time. I made it through yesterday. I can make it through one more day. Ok, now I apologize for rambling! Have a good night and I hope tomorrow is a little better for both of us, Elvira.

Karen
At 6:14am on May 27, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning, El, don't ever feel as though you can't, share your feelings with me, I understand. Sorry you had a rough week end, I did too. Some time I feel as though I'm going backwards too. Trying to roll with it, and do my best to get by. Went to the viet nam memorial in our town yesterday, and sat and cried, remembering what a great man he was, and was taken to soon, away from the people who loved him so much.i want to always remember all the wonderful things he did for all of us. Sometimes it still feels like a bad dream, still unreal to me. Taking baby steps each day,trying to get by. Our lives will never be the same,and I don't know where I am or where I'm going. Try to hang in there with me, we will walk this journey together, day by day. Not the one we chose, or like but the one we were handed. I'm with you in thought and spirit, as we struggle through, take care, I will write soon.
At 8:28pm on May 26, 2014, Marie said…

Well it sounds like you had a similar weekend. Lousy, that's the only way to describe it.  After the winery I hope you were able to toast to Pablo and have a glass to calm yourself.  I was talking to my daughter today and she got a little angry with me that I was being so negative about everything.  She asked me to tell her about something good and honestly I couldn't come up with anything.  I hate being sad around the kids because it upsets them so I have to remember to not say to much to them.  Basically put on a smiley face.  Back to work tomorrow and even though we had our moments of crying we made it through this weekend.  We are strong women and slowly we will get better.  Talk soon have a great night.

Marie

At 8:46am on May 26, 2014, Marie said…

This has been one of the longest and loneliest weekends for me.  I will be happy to go back to work tomorrow.  Even though I've tried to stay busy with friends I feel so all alone because my own brothers and sisters have not even called to see how I'm doing or to invite me over.  All I do is cry and wonder what is wrong with people why are they like that.  I know they have their own lives but I'm their family you would think I was important to them. I have a really good neighbor and she said that until they experience death they are either avoiding me to avoid it or are just so wrapped in themselves they can't be bothered with anyone else.

Sometimes I wish they could experience what I am but I know that wrong to think that way.  It's just anger talking.

I hope you're having a nice weekend with your boys and are able to forget for a little while the suffering we are going through.

Prayers and hugs sent your way

Marie

At 7:44am on May 26, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning El, today is memorial day, a big day to reflect, as my husband was a Vietnam nam vet. This day ment a lot to us, as he served his country, and came back to the states wounded, both physically, and mentally, for a long time. For many years we went to Washington , rolling thunder, and visited the wall, to remember our fallen heros. Wish he was here, so I could hug him, again. He will be in my thoughts, all day, as every day but, today was a day to honor him. My eyes are blurry, from the tears, as I write to you, but I know you share my sadness. Hope you are spending the day with your children, they are the closest thing we have left. As hard as it may be try to have a decent day. I'll be in touch soon. My friendship is with you,talk soon
At 2:37pm on May 24, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi El, sorry I've been AWOL, I sent a few days with my daughter, she lives in Flemington. Her husband and her have a beautiful farm there, and three horses, that I love. It's always good to be with them, seems like good therapy for me. I received your post, but I have trouble getting back to you on my I phone. I too know how difficult this week end will be, again all the memories of the past. Trying hard to get by each day, but it seems like an endless quest. Few good moments here and there, as always the sadness is back all to soon. I become so tired , all of the emotions wear me out, but then I can't sleep either. Love to share my feelings with you, as you understand them, all to well, unfortunatley. We have a bond, even though it's not the one we have chosen. I'm here for you, anytime, and I feel the same connection with you. Try to make the best of the weekend, I will be in touch soon. In my thoughts and sending you my support, always
At 10:29pm on May 23, 2014, Marie said…

I wish I could give you some hope that it will be better but it's almost 11 months and the past several weeks I have been taking more Xanax then previously.  I feel just like you do and have the same questions that can never be answered.  Why us, why were our families chosen to go through this.  Why can other people be happy and we have to be so sad.  These are thoughts that race through my head all the time. Try not to cry it will only make you feel sick. I'm with you the pills are working, I hate that everyone is going to be happy with their family bbqs while we sit alone and sad.  We'll get through this weekend just need to stay busy.  I hope you have a nice and peaceful weekend.  Marie

At 9:58pm on May 22, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira,  Yes I'm okay.  I wasn't feeling too good past few days.  Had a sinus and ear infection that made me feel crappy.  I'm okay now.  Not looking forward to the long weekend even though it is nice not to have to work for three days.  I try to explain to people and they just can't understand how I'm happy I have the holiday off but not happy at the same time.  I did have a nice Mothers Day weekend with my daughter.  It was sad to see her leave but she will be back in the summer.

 How have you been?  I hope you're doing a little better than last time.  The wedding is coming soon and I'm sure you have a lot of things to do.  I know its hard without your husband but stay strong.  Bring a picture of him to the wedding so he can be with you.

Hugs, Marie

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