Elvira, I'm glad you're going to the doctor I really think it will help you. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Everything you say you feel I felt to and still do, but it is not as strong and heart wrenching as it was in the beginning. Although I must say that I am taking my Xanax more than I did before. I feel like I'm having panic attacks lately. I think I will probably ask the doctor for anti depressants also. I wish I could tell you why life is so unfair. I've been asking that same question for 9 months wondering why some people never have anything bad happen to them and others have to endure so much pain and tragedy. I guess we will never know the answer to that. Hang in there, get your medication and take one day at a time. That's all we can do.
Elvira, I'm so sorry that you're having a real bad day today. The holidays weren't easy for us and I'm sure you being sick doesn't help either. Take care of yourself and try to do something that will get your mind off things just for a little while.
Sometimes when I'm really sad I close my eyes and think of John and I imagine that I see him looking at me and smiling. This may sound weird but it makes me less tense and actually feel like he's with me and telling me he's alright and I will be too.
Elvira, It's good that you are going to get your hair done. Not only because Pablo would have wanted it but you need to do it just for you. We have to remember that things are different now and we should do special things for ourselves. I was told to do something nice for myself at least once a week. Between work and taking care of the dog and the house I don't have time or the energy to do things all the time. I'm sorry you're feeling nauseous. It's from all the stress and anxiety that you're feeling that way. Try some green tea or peppermint tea that might help. I've been keeping myself really busy so I don't have time to think. Went shopping then came home and started baking and as I was getting tired all the sadness came back and reality that John isn't here. Started to cry and had to call it quits to doing anything else. I wish there weren't any holidays so we wouldn't have to go through this. It seems like as soon as one is over another one is around the corner. Sorry for complaining just angry at everything right now and venting.
Hope you sleep well. I'm always thinking about you and how you are doing. Hugs Marie
Elvira, I'm sorry you had another bad day and night. I do pray that you can get some sleep tonight. It's so strange that when holidays or special occasions start to near our sadness, anxiety and fears increase. I know because so have mine. I could barely make it through work I was so on edge. I took the dog for a long walk and that helped a little. I'm dreading this weekend as much as you are. Except for people that have gone through what we are going through nobody understands. So keep letting me know your feelings and we will get through this together. Vent all you want and say anything you feel. This is how we help one another.
Elvira, I know exactly how you are feeling and I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you that everything will be better in time, but I'm not sure of that myself. All I know is that people say it will and that time will heal. This will be my first Easter without my husband too. I won't even have my children around. We have to take each day one at a time. If you start to think to far ahead you will cause yourself a lot of anxiety and that isn't good for you. I'm so glad that you went out and bought the baby something. I bet it made you happy if just for a little while. Don't ever think that you keep repeating yourself and how you feel. It's ok and I don't mind listening. Take care until next time and many hugs. Marie
Elvira, I'm going to make an effort to go on Easter Sunday. I know I should go today since it is Palm Sunday but I'm having a difficult time. I might call my pastor and see if I can get in to talk to him. It might be helpful and like you they might find a support group for me.
Elvira, I'm sure it was tough but you survived the day. No it isn't crazy to keep listening to a recording of your husbands voice over and over. I still have John's cell phone activated so I can hear is voice mail message. I would always call him on my way home from work. Now I call and listen to his voice.
Elvira, I've also been looking for a grief support group but just like you the hours don't work with my work schedule. I'll keep looking. When you do go on the antidepressants let me know how you feel and maybe I would consider doing the same. I do go to a therapist but you"re right at best she is just someone to talk to, she can't change how I feel. That's why I would really like to be involved with a group of people who understand what I'm going through.
Hope you can stay busy at work today so you don't cry too much.
Elvira, When I read how you are feeling it is like looking into a mirror. I felt the same as you and continue to feel that way. Each and everything you described I share with you. I too lately have had feelings like I can't go on but that is when we need to get help and talk to someone. Maybe you should consider the anti depressants for a little while. Are you on any anxiety medication if not maybe that would be the first place to start. I have been taking more of the Xanax in the past week knowing that the anniversary date is coming. No one understands how we feel unless they go through it. That is why it is good that you are on this site where people can support you. I am trying to find a support group that I can go to and be around people that have lost a loved one and understand our feelings. Would you consider looking into something like that?
I tomorrow is going to be a rough day and I'll be thinking of you and praying that you can find a moment in the day to remember something funny about your husband so you can smile.
Elvira, My doctor suggested I go on anti depressants but for now I am resisting. I do take Xanax when needed. Although if I continue to feel the way I do I might reconsider. Maybe the meds wouldn't be such a bad idea for the both of us.
Your anxiety is increasing because you are nearing that 2 month anniversary and it is very stressful. Maybe you could go do something nice for yourself today. Buy yourself something that would make you feel a little happy even if for a short time. How about some more sandals :).
Elvira, I wish I could be there to support you and give you a hug. I know how difficult the first months are and our journey to recovering is a long and winding road. There will be some ups and many downs, but you and the rest of us I pray will get through it one day. As far a church goes I think the two of us are putting to much energy into it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not ready yet and won't push myself. My brother wants me to go to Easter mass with him and his family and I agreed but am still not positive if that's what I'll do. Go when you're ready. Friday will be the 9 month anniversary of the accident and every month when the day is approaching my anxiety is overwhelming, just like yours is now. I'll be thinking of you Wednesday and praying that you can find some peace.
Elvira, You are absolutely not the only one that talks to their loved ones. I do it not only at bedtime but during the day as well. It makes me feel like he is with me and that gives me a warm feeling. It is difficult making plans without our husbands when they were always a part of those plans but I'm glad you're going to go on a trip it will be good for you. A couple of months after my husband passed away I visited my daughter in NYC. It was difficult leaving the house because I thought I was leaving him behind but I ended up having a nice time with my daughter. I'm also going to be traveling this summer to visit my son and this will be a very long flight without John by my side. I'm a little scared but these are things we need to get used to now. It made me smile about your sandals and I hope that in that moment some of the sadness faded and you were able to smile too.
People are always telling me that in time things will be better but it doesn't seem to be happening for me. As a matter of fact I have been feeling worse the past couple of weeks. I'm trying to beat it by keeping even more busy than before. You would think I could sleep after staying busy all day. Well I don't, I lay in bed tossing and turning and if I get 4 hours sleep that seems good to me.
Dear Elvira, Everything you say that you are feeling, I have experienced and my heart goes out to you. The feeling that this is all a bad dream and your husband will walk through the door is normal. I still after almost 9 months sometimes think that he will walk through the door and everything will be alright. Sometimes when I'm at work I'll forget for a moment that he's gone and I'll drift off wondering what he and the dog are doing at home. But then I snap out of it and the sadness takes over once again. I went to work today but I was sad most of the day. I just can't seem to shake the depression lately.
I'm sure it's going to be difficult at the wedding why wouldn't it be. Everything we do now without husbands is sad, but remember your allowed to cry and your son will understand. So don't worry you don't need to add more stress into your life.
Let's hope we can both get a little sleep today and that tomorrow will be just a little bit better.
Elvira, I will definitely keep trying and maybe by Easter I'll actually make it in. I had a horrible weekend and even took off of work yesterday. If it wasn't for my dog I probably could have just sat around and cried all day. Instead I took him to the Dog park where I was able to talk to people. Hope you have a peaceful day and a restful night. Marie
Sorry you are having a difficult time. What will help build your faith is to associate with folks that have strong faith and remember it is Satan that cause us pain not God. Draw close to God and he will draw close to you...God sees the good in you and he understands you are grieving...
Dear Elvira, I understand how you feel about weekends. They are the most difficult days to get through. When the accident first happened I couldn't even go into a grocery store. Many times I would start shopping and then I would think to myself John would have liked me to pick this up for him or I would see a happy couple our age shopping together and I would have a panic attack and run out of the store, leaving my groceries behind. It will get a little easier over time. Yesterday I went to dinner with my two brothers and their wives and I'm ashamed to say but I resented them. The fact that they had each other and I was alone. We have to take baby steps and reinvent ourselves to create a new normal for us.
I know the whole thing sucks. There is no better way to explain it. The lonliness we feel can not be described. I don't sleep well either most nights. Once in a while I might get 5-6 hours and thats a big deal. Otherwise I'm up all night. Try to think of happy times with your husband so you don't get so sad. You have to take care of yourself for your sons. Even though you feel alone you're not. You have all of us in this support group who know what you are going through and are here to help one another. Marie
It's been over 8 months since my husband died and I have not parted with any of his clothing or belongings. Everything is where it always was. I feel that if I get rid of his things that I will be alone right now it feels like he is still with me as silly as that might sound. I too still have his cell phone and keep listening to his voicemail message over and over again. I do find that I am doing it less than I was at the beginning but still I won't give it us. Not yet.
Everytime I think of the future I have a panic attack. The fear of being alone is overwhelming. My two children don't live near me and this makes it even more difficult. My son lives and works in Singapore and my daughter is in New York City. So when I need help with something I always have to look to friends and other members of my family. I'm not used to that since John and I did everything together.
Even after 8 months I don't feel like life is getting any easier or the pain has lessened. I have just learned not to show it as much because most people don't understand. It really helps to be on this site and to talk to you and others.
I can relate to the way you felt at the restaurant without your husband. Just a couple of weeks ago I went to a family dinner and felt the same way. Sometimes I sense that people around you feel kind of awkward about it too. Being at home makes me feel good also. It's like John is there and everything is alright. It's good that you were able to sleep and we must embrace those nights since they don't come often.
Wishing you a day full of peace and a restful night.