JoAnn Brozowski's Comments

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At 10:02am on December 9, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Joann yes it is nice to share this soul felt feeling with someone. my world is shattered. love to you carrie L
At 1:03am on December 9, 2010, Diane said…
JoAnn:
I went through that bitterness at my husband. I think all of us have probably had some of that. I guess I felt like he was the one person who knew what Ryan meant to our family and if he wasn't grieving as hard as me then I was being abandoned. Truth was he DID see how hard I was grieving and so he tried to remain strong as he saw I needed strength. Ironically, when he gets down I seem to put my grief aside to be strong for him. Grief is so very hard on the marriage. We almost split up over the anger we were both feeling. Five years later, I am very glad we worked it out. Men certainly feel the pain of losing their child, they just feel it differently.

Diane
At 6:45pm on December 8, 2010, Lynnette Bryant said…
No sorry I went to a Bereavement retreat in Danbury WI. I loved the feeling of connecting with all the moms. I was never a fan of grief support groups. I thought I cry all day why go to group and cry more. I have lost two boys and want to help people who have lost with my experience.

Talk to you soon.
Lynnette
At 4:05pm on December 8, 2010, Carrie L said…
my son was probably a lot like yours... a beautiful person. full of life and opinions and smiles and hugs.. and moms... i love that i can hear that mom in my mind.... i wish it were real. You are in CT I am in MD right now. so sorry we are so far away we could cry together... i would like that. not that i would wish this on us. just that we are here. carrie L
At 4:00pm on December 8, 2010, Carrie L said…
Jo Ann , Hi it sounds like we are having much of the same terrible loss feelings. I think it will last forever. i just hope it limits it to less one day. I have a hard time looking at the photos sometimes i look. sometimes i scream. how could this be our beautiful children. i don't want this tragedy for anyone. I keep coming back here looking for comfort when i know there really is none... my mind is in a very bad state. but life goes on... doesn't it. i have had a few dreams that is all. i do think about it first thing and all the time. they were irreplaceable people and will be forever cherished and loved and we will have this feeling of loss and sadness and longing forever. people don't understand they know the facts they can't be brought back you can't change it. but i don't want to hear anything about anything. i just know how my mind works on it and how the sadness just flows... carrie L
At 11:16am on December 8, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Joanne, thanks for sriting yesterday wel lookied and copied some pictures and i held up ok today is a different story. life is not the same. my depression doesn't help but him leaving us here without that beautiful smile and something to say about everything is a very sad place.... i don't know how my life will be now. i know i cry at an instant and just complete sadness... i know he wouldn't want me to be sad and would hug me.... but he can't carrie L
At 11:16am on December 8, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Joanne, thanks for sriting yesterday wel lookied and copied some pictures and i held up ok today is a different story. life is not the same. my depression doesn't help but him leaving us here without that beautiful smile and something to say about everything is a very sad place.... i don't know how my life will be now. i know i cry at an instant and just complete sadness... i know he wouldn't want me to be sad and would hug me.... but he can't carrie L
At 11:02pm on December 7, 2010, Diane said…
It's ironic you talk about praying for him to come back. I did the same thing until about the 3rd year when reality hit me that he was never going to come back. That was hard to face. I also had to deal with my husband looking at me like, "Please, get better". Yes, our husband's lose their child and then their wife also. Sometimes I felt he was looking at me in disgust for being so weak. The sad part is I didn't care that much about how he felt because I was in too much pain to deal with him. I know that sounds selfish and uncaring but the grief is selfish. We went through some very rough times in our marriage. Now five years later it is better but I still have those moments when I am lost in the pain. It's just the way it is. I hope you see some better days. I wish that for all of us. God bless.

Diane
At 6:55pm on December 7, 2010, Colleen Pasay said…
Joann
I am so very sorry for your loss of Tyler. I know our pains are the same but to lose your only child I would consider brutal. I can't imagine what your world is like. I know how horrid mine is. My only saving grace being my 17 year daughter. I have asked myself why a million times I have looked at the paper and TV and saw and read about horrible people and the crimes they have committed and I asked God why would you take my boy whom was so good and leave evil in this world? I guess because he needed wonderful people to help him I have no answers Joann. I hope you have close family or friends around you that can be with you over the Holidays. I know they don't understand what we feel or even how we now view our lives. We wake, we smile, we work, we do day to day things but inside? Thats just it there is NO inside. We are hollow with grief. I am so sorry Joann if I could reach across the miles and hug you I would.
Please know you are never alone.
Hugs
Colleen
At 12:30pm on December 6, 2010, Carrie L said…
Jo anne. thanks for writing. it is a lot of sadness.. and depression. things are so different without his being.. i would have never have imagined it either .. i thought he was going to be ok. made a mistake and now we are here. it is really sad beyond belief i am going to try compassionate friends... you know what is weird that so many young men. men we wanted in our lives forever... take care carrie l
At 11:22pm on December 4, 2010, Diane said…
JoAnn: I am sorry you lost Tyler. I know it is very hard. My Ryan was 18. He was my only son also. Ryan was my everything along with my daughter Jennifer. You are so newly bereaved I understand your asking if it EVER gets better. I don't think in the first two years I ever stopped crying. I too wondered if it ever gets better. In a nutshell, yes, it does get better but it is also a different kind of "better". I just marked the fifth year of Ryan's passing so before I get too far ahead of myself let me tell you it has taken all of those five years to be able to say I am better. And my five years is no rule of thumb. For some it is sooner and for others longer. It was around the third year that I felt I could begin taking the baby steps to figuring out my life. The fact is when you lose a child you are forced to start a whole new life that does not include your child. For me I was angry about that. I liked my old life just fine and I didn't want a life without Ryan. I prayed for death though I would not commit suicide. I just wanted out of the pain. You get better at not crying hysterically as you might now. You still cry but the intensity is less. You get better at getting out of bed and running errands. You begin to manage "select" social things but you know you could fall apart in an instant. You might find yourself, after a couple of years, doing things you used to enjoy. But the full enjoyment really never seems to be there for me. For me, the pain changes from a sharp unbearable pain to a sad yearning. A yearning to turn back time; to hold your son again; to hear his voice, see his smile. And then it seemed to turn to sad regret along with the yearning. I smiled more this last year but I also felt guilt about it. I'm running out of words I can put on this message. I'll send you a message and we can email directly about this. There is much I can share with you. Hang in there. Don't expect too much of yourself. Look for my email.
At 2:55pm on December 3, 2010, Diana Sanchez said…
Thank you Joanne for your kind words. I feel the same way, be put in a coma and wake up after February 10th. My birthday is January 30th and my son's is February 10th. It's okay that you don't visit your son's grave, everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way. I will pray for you and your family. May we all find the strength we need to get through these tough times.
Many blessings to you.
At 3:51pm on December 1, 2010, Julie Patton said…
Hi Joanne,

Thank you so much for your message. Cindy was 23 years old and going to college down in FL. She was my only child and my life and knowing that she's gone is just a pain that is sometimes so overwhelming. Like you I have all the same thoughts and knowing that all of my dreams ended with her. I couldn't wait to see her get married and to become a grandma. Her boyfriend came up and stayed with us for a week after the accident and he came out to talk to me and told me that he was going to ask Cindy to marry him on their anniversary which would have been the following week. He was such a great guy and treated her like a queen. I know she would have been so happy. Of course I probably would have said that it was best to wait until she was out of school but to be honest I would have been so happy for her.

I agree with you that it feels a little different for us than someone who has other children. I'm not saying in anyway that their pain isna't as much as mine but they have other children to hold on to. I wish so much that I had that.

I miss her every second of every day and wonder why or play the what if games. I know it doesn't do any good but I can't help it. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers as is everyone on this sight. Talk to you soon.

Julie
At 8:48pm on November 30, 2010, ELOY CONRAD DURAN II said…
Thank you Joann, not in the best of moods today...I am being tested...mentally...psychologically...people do not care about what/when they do not have a personal interest in something or other...anyway, you have probably this song...I love it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xwzItqYmII
At 10:38pm on November 21, 2010, Cathy Lashly said…
Hi JoAnn. I'd be happy to share more about Phil, but only if you promise to tell me more about Tyler. Phil was my one and only child. I wanted another, but my ex didn't. My ex wasn't physically abusive, but he was verbally abusive to both of us. I believe that if you're told often enough that you're stupid or worthless, you believe it. I kick myself every day for not having the guts to walk out of that and take Phil as far away as I could, but I was so beaten down. I think I kept hoping Phil would be stronger and more resilient, that he could come out of that OK, but I guess it wasn't possible. I'm pretty sure he started using pot in high school and would drink when he could get his hands on liquor, but he denied it. It wasn't until his senior year that I had proof. He was out with friends when I got the call from the police department saying he'd been in an accident with my car. He wasn't hurt, but he arrested for DUI. He made it through the rest of senior year, then went off to the Navy. He got out after about 6 months due to depression. He seemed to be doing OK for a long while. Eventually, I grew a backbone and left the ex, moved back to the midwest and got settled in. Phil then moved here. He deserves an Academy Award for the performance he put on. He gave the appearance of being a fully functioning adult, but I guess he was a mess. Apparently, he was drinking more and more. In the meantime, I remarried and took care of my husband until he died of cancer in December, 07. I was so wrapped up in my grief, I was blind to Phil's problems. I think by the time I finally caught on to how serious his problem was, it was too late. I think his breaking point was getting fired. After that, he drank himself to death. It was less than two weeks after losing his job that he was gone. I miss him so very much. In spite of the drinking, he was a great son. I kick myself every day for being such a lousy mom.
At 2:23pm on November 21, 2010, Janet - Todd's Mom said…
Hi JoAnn - I too find that it helps to keep in touch with other mothers who have lost a child, especially an adult child that we had many years with and wonderful memories. We were very close to our son, and had much in common with him. We loved his personality, and he and I were always on the same page, thinking alike about just about everything. He lived at home because he said he'd rather pay us rent to help us pay the mortgage, instead of helping someone else pay their mortgage. He said he'd move out if that's what we wanted, but we didn't want him to until he was ready. He was very young for his age...many of his friends were 5 to 10 yrs. younger than he was, but a few were older. His room is exactly as he left it, except that we have put a few boxes of things in there, when we had a new carpet installed in his sister's room, to make it into a combination office/den now that she has moved out. I keep promising him I'll get them out of there soon (yes, I talk to him all the time). I miss him so much I'm surprised that the pain alone hasn't killed me. I look at his bed, where he used to be when using his laptop to work and play video games and communicate with his friends, and all of his other super hi-tech stuff, and can't believe he's not there. Sometimes I think if I wish it hard enough, he'll be there, same as usual, making plans with his friends to get together for movies, dinner or gaming, or all three. They were more like family than just friends, and I watched them all grow up from ages 18 to 38, some getting married, having children, but never leaving Todd out of their plans, even though he was still single. When I talk about him like this, he is very much alive to me. It's a terrible feeling when I have to return to reality.
At 6:18pm on November 20, 2010, Richard Macary said…
JoAnn,
Tyler sounds like a wonderful sole. We are so sorry for your loss. Our stories are similar and our loss is overwhelming. Jean and I, especially Jean, believe that Richie's sole's journey caused him to leave us when he did. We believe we share the same sole group with our son and we will be with him again. We feel him around and talk to him frequently. The book "Journey of Soles" explains some of the philosophy we understand about the passing of Richie. We still cry regularly over the loss and missing hugging and helping. Keep in touch! Love, Jean and Rich
At 6:18pm on November 20, 2010, Richard Macary said…
JoAnn,
Tyler sounds like a wonderful sole. We are so sorry for your loss. Our stories are similar and our loss is overwhelming. Jean and I, especially Jean, believe that Richie's sole's journey caused him to leave us when he did. We believe we share the same sole group with our son and we will be with him again. We feel him around and talk to him frequently. The book "Journey of Soles" explains some of the philosophy we understand about the passing of Richie. We still cry regularly over the loss and missing hugging and helping. Keep in touch! Love, Jean and Rich
At 12:56pm on November 20, 2010, Cathy Pearly said…
Thanks JoAnn. Yes, Jacob and Tyler were close in age..Jake was born 5/13/86....he was absolutely an amazing kid...we couldn't have hand picked a better one. I am glad your feelings for your husband have prevented you from ending it all...as harsh as this next statement is going to sound, I truly believe that suicide is a cowards way out.....I believe it is one of the most selfish things a person can do....I know that my husband was hurting, that he missed Jake more than anything in the world, he was in pain with a heartache so big nothing....not even me.. could help him, but SO WAS I! And here I am, even more alone....but I would never even consider suicide, because Jake would NEVER want that for me, because I have a family and friends that love me, because it would influence feelings of guilt in everyone that knows me...because it is the chicken sh*t way out. You are a mother...moms do what needs to be done, no matter how yucky that may be...moms survive...that is what youneed to do JoAnn...survive. I will be thinking of you over the next week as well. Good luck!
At 12:56pm on November 20, 2010, Cathy Pearly said…
Thanks JoAnn. Yes, Jacob and Tyler were close in age..Jake was born 5/13/86....he was absolutely an amazing kid...we couldn't have hand picked a better one. I am glad your feelings for your husband have prevented you from ending it all...as harsh as this next statement is going to sound, I truly believe that suicide is a cowards way out.....I believe it is one of the most selfish things a person can do....I know that my husband was hurting, that he missed Jake more than anything in the world, he was in pain with a heartache so big nothing....not even me.. could help him, but SO WAS I! And here I am, even more alone....but I would never even consider suicide, because Jake would NEVER want that for me, because I have a family and friends that love me, because it would influence feelings of guilt in everyone that knows me...because it is the chicken sh*t way out. You are a mother...moms do what needs to be done, no matter how yucky that may be...moms survive...that is what youneed to do JoAnn...survive. I will be thinking of you over the next week as well. Good luck!

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