JoAnn Brozowski's Comments

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At 2:24pm on May 13, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

Hi JoAnn - I was just telling my husband yesterday about how much Tyler and Todd were alike.  How they both loved animals, technology, space travel and how each had many good friends yet didn't mind spending time alone also.  I've been crying all morning thinking about all of the places Todd and I went together and conversations we had and how he was such good company.  I too feel like the joy of my life has been taken from me.  I love my daughter but have a very different relationship with her.  It's not a bad one, just infinitely different than the one I had with Todd.  He didn't have bad "moods", seemingly was never sad, was occasionally not thrilled about something like paperwork or doing taxes, but we could usually help with things like that.  In no time at all he'd be making jokes about the situation or himself.

You pointed out the very thing that was different about my husband's relationship with Todd, it was a father/son relationship.  Todd was my best friend, although I feel now that I took it for granted.  Now, when I think about it, there is no one I'd rather spend time with than Todd.  It's just not the same with anyone else.  He was so unique, being very slightly autistic but not being diagnosed till he was 28.  He preferred to think of himself as "eccentric"; many of his friends felt the same thing about themselves.  :)

Hopefully I'll feel better when my husband has his check-up CT scan at Mass General on the 28th.  He has headaches now and worries that the bleeding is starting up again.  He never had headaches before this subdural hematoma happened.

Hope you are enjoying the nice weather today and tomorrow at least.

Love,

Janet

At 1:42pm on May 9, 2011, Jacqueline Rowles said…
Blessings JoAnn, My name is Jacqueline Rowles and I lost my son to suicide on Dec. 22, 2010.  He was 37 yr.  old and in a relationship for over 14 yr. with 3 children. I thank God for this site and for the loving caring people . If  you ever need to talk email me at wackyjackie89@comcast.net or call me 717-792-1042
At 6:57pm on May 4, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Well you will be in my prayers like I said my youngest son left going home today and that brings on a sad feeling for me but we have to be strong have a good Mother's day with your mom and  remember your still a mom......Love and peace Diane
At 1:04pm on May 4, 2011, Diane Hood said…
JoAnn I hope you have a good Mother's Day you and all the other Mother's on this website will be in my prayers, just hold the memories of your child deep in your heart.....Do you have other Children my youngest son just left going back to Michigan, and my youngest daughter will be spending Mother's day with me so I've had a lot of company my children are surrounding me with love and that helps a lot, my oldest daughter was here in feb. and in August I will go home to Michigan to see all my Grandchildren it's getting better I don't cry as much but the tears still come you take care and stay in touch........................
At 4:44pm on April 27, 2011, shannon churchill said…
JoAnn...  I know how you feel... I have a hard time looking a pictures.   My Theropy Dr. told me to bring in pictures...and I couldn't do it so I quit going.  It is hard enough to face the loss without the pictures... they just make it so real..   It is easier to deny it by not looking.   The Dr. also told me to say it was not my fault... I could not say that either.   We feel like it is our fault for not doing something to help our kids... :(   
At 4:44pm on April 27, 2011, shannon churchill said…
JoAnn...  I know how you feel... I have a hard time looking a pictures.   My Theropy Dr. told me to bring in pictures...and I couldn't do it so I quit going.  It is hard enough to face the loss without the pictures... they just make it so real..   It is easier to deny it by not looking.   The Dr. also told me to say it was not my fault... I could not say that either.   We feel like it is our fault for not doing something to help our kids... :(   
At 4:40pm on April 27, 2011, Peggy Hill said…

Joann, I just wanted to tell you that you answered your own question about why you're still here and why.  You're here helping others with your story and helping us go on.  Thank You.  God Bless and give you some comfort.

Peggy

At 9:41am on April 26, 2011, Phil's Mamama said…

I am so glad that you told us about this.  I will get others to vote too.

What a wonderful person you are. . .

Thinking of you.

 

Philips Mamma

Diane in NC

At 9:05am on April 26, 2011, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…
I voted for Janette for the Mother's Day Makeover. I read all the entries and she does sound like she's deserving! I hope others vote for her too, there are two others in the lead right now. Let us know how it turns out.
At 3:25pm on April 15, 2011, Mary Winburn said…

Thank you for your message JoAnn! I truly appreciate hearing from others that KNOW what I'm going through. My personal email is: mwinburn@indiana.edu if you would like to chat more. I would love hearing more about your son. And I'm so, so sorry for your loss as well!

Peace and hugs to you...

Mary

At 8:24am on April 15, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

Hi JoAnn - Wow...I could have written those exact words!  Tyler sounds incredibly thoughtful and sensitive.  You've put into words exactly what I'm feeling.   Todd was my best friend too.  We had this easy way of being, just understanding each other's feelings without any words being spoken.  The only thing different about Todd from Tyler was that Todd was a tiny bit autistic (not diagnosed until he was 28), so he wouldn't think to put his hands on my shoulders if I was crying during a sad moment like when you saw your grandfather & yourself in a home movie.  Instead, to ease his own awkwardness or shyness at a time like that, he'd say something funny to make me laugh.  It ALWAYS worked!  I don't know how he did that.  He had this amazing capacity with words.  He never hurt my feelings in his whole life.  He was thoughtful beyond belief.  He seemed to know if I felt like being alone. When he was home, he'd spend a lot of time in his room playing video games online with his friends, reading, or watching the Discovery or Science Fiction channel.  He was never bored, which made me happy.  In other words, I could be "alone" when he was home, because he wasn't intrusive, and when he did want to talk, he was always interesting & fun. Todd & I went a lot of places together, so many that I could write a book about all of our adventures.  My husband encourages me to write down all of my memories of Todd, which I try to do, but there's never enough time.  Today I thought I had no dogs to walk until I checked my email.  First one was from a friend with two Labs & the other from a friend w/two Siberian Huskies, like my dog.  All need a walk today.

Todd got his sense of humor from his father, but since he's been gone, my husband has changed, which is natural.  I've certainly changed.  Everything has changed in a very sad way.

 

Hope you're feeling a little better today.

 

Love,

Janet

At 12:57pm on April 13, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Hi JoAnn hope your doing well just wanted to drop you a Happy Wednesday Wish, I'm doing well talked to Andy's twins yesterday and their potty trained I asked their mom do they ask for him because he was an at home dad and he took care of them daily, she said they do talk about him and she tells them that he is in Heaven, but the boy tells her no Daddy is there pointing at his creamated remains box LOL we both have some of his remains and I intend to bury them when my mom passes they will go in with her or me If I go before her, but my daughter in law said she keeps his picture up and they do talk about him.  My oldest daughter called me and said she was at her desk at work and just started crying and thinking of him  and that she found his obiutuary on her sons bed, but I guess we all have our way of grieving, me I was up the other night with my husband that had knee surgery a week ago, and when I layed back down it just hit me Andy is really gone and I had a sad moment but we just have to stay strong and you do the same stay in touch......................
At 8:49am on April 12, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

JoAnn,

It's so wonderful that your son's church collected money to buy & plant a tree and have a memorial plaque as well.  He must have been a wonderful person - I can tell by all of the people who miss him.  Like you said, "missed by more people than I even know".  That's true of Todd also.

Yesterday, while walking my dog in the woods, I met up with an old friend and her dog.  She was in my high school class but we didn't know each other then.  She was devastated to hear about my son, even though she didn't know him personally.  She has a son about the same age, so I can imagine how much she can relate to my pain because she's a kind, sensitive person.  

I ask why, why, why?  Dying from pneumonia in this day & age?  An illness my father had at age 90 & again at 92, and he's just fine now at age 95.  My mother is 90.  People say "you'll live to be 100!"  I don't want to live to be 100!  I don't even want to live now because I feel like there's no purpose to my life.  43 years of marriage and now this?  Yes, I have a husband who loves me and a daughter who does too, although she's often annoyed with me...Todd was my joy in life.  Never moody, never gave me a moment's worry.  

One time a bat got into our house somehow and I screamed (of course)!  Then we couldn't find it.  One night, three weeks later, Todd was watching TV downstairs and quietly came upstairs to get his father & a very large towel and they went downstairs.  He said, "Don't let Mom hear us.  She'll be scared".  Very quietly they caught the bat with the towel and released it into the back yard.  I never knew anything until the bat was safely outside.  That was maybe 15 yrs. ago.  He was always so thoughtful.  Missing him is worse than being in jail or hell....actually I feel like I live in hell. 

Thinking of you and hoping somehow we'll all survive this,

Love,

Janet

 

 

At 7:41pm on April 4, 2011, Diane Hood said…
JoAnn I am so sorry that your son had no children, was he your only Child? I have three other children Gwen who's my oldest then Theejauna my youngest daughter then Ricky my youngest son Andy is my oldest son So I have a lot of people to help me thru this and I hope and pray that you have family that can help you along the way I will continue to pray for you.
At 7:10pm on March 29, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Hi JoAnn you mentioned Andy's picture I find peace looking through pictures of him when he was growing up and I pray you will be able to enjoy your childs photos one day, Andy left a whole bunch of beautiful children and I want them to remember him the twins are only two and Davian is 11 so I want to keep pictures out so they don't forget all the precious moments they spent with him. Did your son have any children JoAnn?
At 5:16pm on March 27, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

JoAnn,  Thanks for telling me about the smaller weeping cherry tree variety.  When I looked them up, the ones I saw online were huge.  A 10-12 ft. tree would work perfectly in that spot under Todd's window.  Although I think about him every minute of every day, at times I inexplicably find myself shocked to realize that this is real, and not a horrible nightmare.  When this happens, it feels like it just hit me that Todd isn't here anymore, and I cry so hard I find it difficult to breathe.  Going to this website and talking with you helps more than seeing my new therapist.  Most of them just don't "get it", the complete and utter despair.  Time to look for a real grief therapist again. The one we saw from the hospice center for grief and healing was wonderful but, after one year, she has to let people find someone else because there are too many newly bereaved parents who need her too.  

Love and hugs to all,

Janet

At 1:02pm on March 26, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

It does sound as though the red maple tree was sad, too.  My son loved all living things, including trees.  When the weather gets warmer, I want to plant a small tree in front of his window.  I would plant a large tree like a weeping cherry tree (they're beautiful!), but there isn't that much space for it in that spot.  If there is a mini weeping cherry tree, that would be perfect.  How are you doing these days?  I find that coming to this website helps me a lot every day.  We're all going through the same trauma, and everyone's comments and book recommendations are a help.  If I can be of any help to anyone, it makes me feel better.

Hope you are having a peaceful day.  Love and hugs, Janet

At 3:25pm on March 25, 2011, Donna Flanary said…

Hi JoAnn... Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I pray that your day is going well.  Just know this ... your not alone.

It is through this grief support family that makes it alot easier.

At 4:22pm on March 17, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…
JoAnn,  I love that you planted a weeping cherry tree under Tyler's window.  What a wonderful idea!  Todd would love that...anything that might provide shade in front of the house, especially right under his window.  We have a large Maple tree that we planted in front of the living room many years ago and it shades the area beautifully, after all these many years.  Last year some birds made a nest there and I saw first the eggs, then the tiny birds when the were born!  These are the kinds of things that give me some happiness now.  Hope you are doing as well as can be expected.  Hugs, Janet
At 6:59pm on March 16, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Yes it is that picture is Andy with his Big Sister Gwen, I have four kids Gwen, Theejauna, Andy and Ricky their the loves of my life and to lose one at such a young age is tragic but I know he's in Heaven with my father telling each other hunting stories.................

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