JoAnn Brozowski's Comments

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At 7:14pm on March 15, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Thank you Joann they are the oldest Davian, then his little twins Justin and Janiah Makayla, jalen and chris he was a stay at home dad because of health problems but he loved all those children and took very good care of them I have the last picture he took with the twins the day before he passed.
At 7:50pm on March 14, 2011, Diane Hood said…
I had thought of sending my Daughter in law flowers hers and Andy Wedding Anniversary was this past Feb. 20 I really didn't want to make her sader then she is in that situation what do you do???????????????
At 7:08pm on March 14, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Hi Joann my son Andy was 30 and he had three children of his own and three step children his children were 11, and 2 yr. old twins his step children were 12,10,9 and he had a lovely wife thanks for asking and we are all in this together............
At 2:03pm on March 2, 2011, Karen Kloo said…

I hope things get easier for both of us, tomarrow is my daughter in laws 30 birthday and I just know my son would have taken the night off from work and would have done something special for her. It must be so hard for her. My birthday is the 9th and his fathers the 7th so this next week will be hard, we are having a get together sunday for all of our birthdays, our 1st without him. I am having a down day today, at least I worked for 5 hours it helps to not think most days. I have only been getting 15 hours a week due to cutting hours, I would rather work more.  Although I work in a grocery store, so many times I will see a young man with a small boy walk in and I do a double take, I swear it is my son, other times I see a parent with a child and just want to say hold them close and never let go.

At 2:03pm on March 2, 2011, Karen Kloo said…

I hope things get easier for both of us, tomarrow is my daughter in laws 30 birthday and I just know my son would have taken the night off from work and would have done something special for her. It must be so hard for her. My birthday is the 9th and his fathers the 7th so this next week will be hard, we are having a get together sunday for all of our birthdays, our 1st without him. I am having a down day today, at least I worked for 5 hours it helps to not think most days. I have only been getting 15 hours a week due to cutting hours, I would rather work more.  Although I work in a grocery store, so many times I will see a young man with a small boy walk in and I do a double take, I swear it is my son, other times I see a parent with a child and just want to say hold them close and never let go.

At 4:55am on March 2, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
Just checking in, dont want to bother you just hoping you are okay
At 2:51pm on February 28, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…
Hi JoAnn,

I just read your post to Teresa and Lindsay and it broke my heart because that is exactly how I feel. Not knowing IF I can live anymore.  My heart feels like it is physically breaking in half all of the time.  When people speak of a person who died "from a broken heart", I feel that will be me soon, and I welcome it.  We did everything you've done.  We first went to a grief counselor, then to an 8-week support group for parents who have lost adult children (while still seeing the grief counselor), read books and, for me, meds were prescribed.  The result....the same as yours.  Sometimes I actually feel as though I might be able to survive this, but other times, like the last 3 days in particular, the reality hits me hard, the shock, the horror, the devastation.  I feel as though I cannot stand this pain another minute.  My husband is in very much pain too, but he's determined not to let it get the best of him because our daughter still needs us very much.  She's been depressed over losing her only sibling, and wasn't working when this happened to Todd.  She's trying to get better.  My husband found a job training program for people interested in hospital work, and she has applied, and is 99% sure she's been accepted, judging from the feedback she received after her second interview.  He also found a group of Christian therapists (which is the only type of therapist she would consider), and she is very close to making an appointment.

This isn't very cheerful but I had to let you know that you've put my thoughts into words and  you are not alone.  

Love,

Janet

At 1:27pm on February 28, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
I know and I am angry that we have been put into this situation, when Jake was born I told everyone who never had a child the miracle of the whole thing, pregnancy, giving birth, the holding him, loving him a feeling you can never truely express.  well now I am at the other end of that, and I am thankful for people like you!!!
At 12:58pm on February 28, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
I would love to say you will be fine, but you are probably as sick and tired of hearing that as I am.  I am sure the way you feel is because of meeting her, she along with going into your sons room does bring everything right back up, not that it hasnt gone away.  My youngest son just stopped by, I feel for his hurt, I just keep saying I know Jon, what can I say to take away his pain, nothing, I cant take away my own.  My youngest son was always my pain in the butt child, not bad just needy, we have grown very close like jake and I were through all of this.  Meeting her might not be as bad as you think, maybe look at it this way, it is one more step needed to be taken, good or bad it will be done with
At 10:37am on February 28, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
Good luck with your meeting tonight with your therapist and your sons girlfriend.  I hope it helps you. Just remember, no one can help an addict or alcoholic if they do not want the help.  I knew for several years I had to quit drinking before I actually did something about it.  I got angry when my son died, I wondered why I bothered turning my life around just to have this happen to me.  I have thought about picking up with all of this but I know my son would be so disappointed in me.  He would not want me to ruin my life because of this. I am glad that because I was sober my son and I had a great relationship.
At 10:37am on February 28, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
Good luck with your meeting tonight with your therapist and your sons girlfriend.  I hope it helps you. Just remember, no one can help an addict or alcoholic if they do not want the help.  I knew for several years I had to quit drinking before I actually did something about it.  I got angry when my son died, I wondered why I bothered turning my life around just to have this happen to me.  I have thought about picking up with all of this but I know my son would be so disappointed in me.  He would not want me to ruin my life because of this. I am glad that because I was sober my son and I had a great relationship.
At 2:25pm on February 25, 2011, Cheryl Craft said…

JoAnn,

 

Thanks for your nice message and for the support. I could use all the friends and support I can get right now.

 

Cheryl

At 1:31pm on February 25, 2011, shannon churchill said…
Thank you JoAnn, I read all about your precious son and my heart goes out to you.    Tommy had just turned 23 in October.  
At 1:24pm on February 25, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
you were not stupid or naive, any addict including myself can hide it to an extent for quite awhile.  Jacob was into the drugs and drinking at an early age.  When he heard is girlfriend was pregnant he just stopped.  But I did notice in the end he was liking his beer more than I liked.  We all have issues and choose different ways to deal, unfortunately drinking and drugging SEEM to help. but in the end it only makes it worse
At 12:26pm on February 25, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
JoAnn I am very proud of my son.  I am sure getting together with your sons girlfriend will be good for you both you have a very special connection, your son.  Last night my daughter in law, grandson and my other son all went out to dinner.  We talked and laughed and told stories of Jake.  I regret that when Jake was alive he always tried to get me to go places with them and I always had a reason not to go, I dont like crowded places and I am more of a homebody.  It was very good for me because I have been very down the last 2 weeks.  My grandson just listens when we talk about Jake.  We always talk about him when we get together.  We try to let him know we miss daddy too,  we want him to remember his daddy.  I always ask him if he is okay and he always says yes. I try to do things and say daddy liked to do that, or remember when daddy did....  I have said since the begining this has to be harder on my daughter in law than myself, Jake had not lived with me for 8 years.  I would think, he is at work, or at school.  But he walked through their doors everynight.  I dont know if I would be like you, unable to go in his room or lock myself in  it smelling him and snuggling in his bed.  Either way it is (as my husband always says) bad bad bad!!  Good luck with your sons girlfriend I hope your meeting helps. Thank you for your kind words. I am a recovering alcoholic of 19 years and never did AA meetings they were not for me so I did not know if this site would help or hurt.  With people like you here I am sure it will be a positive thing for me
At 10:10am on February 25, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

Hi JoAnn,  Today, I have no dogs to walk, thankfully.  One person asked me but added that she's working only a few hours today, so it's no problem if I don't want to walk in the rain.  Your son sounds so thoughtful and sensitive...hearing how badly he felt about the bird he accidentally hit while riding his bicycle brought tears to my eyes.  A friend of Todd's spoke at his memorial service of how he would stop & buy cat food before coming to her house so the feral cats who lived near her house would have something good to eat.  When our cats got older and thin from being so finicky, I'd walk into the kitchen and, if they were eating, Todd would put his finger to his lips and point to them, saying softly "they're eating".  I got a kick out of how he didn't want them to get distracted and stop eating.

Today I have my day of solitude, at least for 4 hours while my husband is helping someone who needs a ride in town and someone to drive them home a few hours later.  He brought several books and a newspaper to read, not to mention his CD's from The Learning Center to listen to while he waits. I think the CD's are about British history, which he loves.

He has taken courses in everything from carpentry to cooking offered by the local vocational school.  Unfortunately, they're offered in the evening.  It's morning solitude I crave.  As you said, spring is coming and hopefully we'll all feel a little better.  I miss my son so much it physically hurts like a knife in my heart.  He and I were so much alike....I miss having a kindred spirit here, who always cheered me with his offbeat view of the world.  Even when he was home, I didn't feel a sense of wishing I were alone, because he hung out in his room with his video games or watching the Discovery Channel or making plans with his friends.

Well, now that my husband isn't here to distract me with interesting conversation, I'd better go do something, like organize the clutter.  Love, Janet  

At 4:05pm on February 24, 2011, shannon churchill said…
Thank you for your post JoAnn.   I am sorry we are here, but I am glad I found this sight.    Nobody knows about love until they have a child, or until they loose one.   My heart goes out to you.  God bless and know you will see him again.   
At 3:58pm on February 24, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

Hi JoAnn,  It's ironic that you didn't want a day home by yourself on Monday, the holiday.  That's what I crave these days.  I love my husband but, since he retired, he's around most of the time, except when doing errands.  He's very young for his age (like Todd) and needs something meaningful to do for at least a few hours a day.  He had a temporary part-time job last spring/summer and loved it because he could make his own hours and he met many people.  And he worked on it when he was at home, too.  He's hurting too, but doesn't show it very often.  This was making me angry until we talked about it and I could see the pain in his face.  We do talk about Todd often because he was so funny and we miss him so much.

I got home a little while ago from walking the dogs and was thinking how you mentioned what a great way it is to make a living.  I wouldn't want to do anything else, but this winter has been a difficult one with the cold and wind.  The snow is fun for all of the dogs but, right now, the trails are either icy, snowy (where you sink into the snow to your knees) or muddy.  When I get home, I need at least an hour on the sofa with my laptop and Snapple iced tea to recover.  But the dogs are comforting to me.  All animals are, they're so sweet, always happy and need us to look after them.  

When the weather was rainy or very cold & windy, I used to say to Todd, "I really don't feel like doing this today (walking the dogs)", he would always remind me that I always enjoyed it once I got outside with them and met up with friends with their dogs.  But now he's not here to remind me of all that's positive in life, and, since he's been gone, I don't feel like there are many positives in my life.  Sorry to go on.  I hope you're having as good a day as possible.  Love, Janet

At 1:37pm on February 24, 2011, Karen Kloo said…
I am lucky to have my grandson and my son called him mini me.  He is my son through and through, I am sorry for your loss, I remarried Aug 14th and my son was killed aug 31st, I went from the happiest day of my life to the worst.  I have two sons, I could not imagine loosing my only child.  my son was 17 when his girlfriend got pregnant.  He grew up overnight.  I was so proud of him.  I would like to say dont mourn every day because your son did not get married or have a family but that really does not sound like what I would like to say.  everything happens for a reason and why this terrible tragedy happened to both of us is unknown, I try to think that he is not working 50 hours a week and going to school 2 days a week to have a good future for his family.  I feel this was a big factor in his death, so while I can enjoy a grandchild, my son is no longer exhausted and stressed.  And he did provide for his family in death.  So having my grandson is a blessing, but  it is also a reminder of how hard my sons life was, and watching him struggle and not being able to help him was almost as hard as never seeing him again
At 9:48am on February 21, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

Hi JoAnn,  Dog walking is a great way to make a living, but since I've lost Todd, I feel weak & have so many aches & pains.  I know it's psychological, but that doesn't make it hurt less.  All of the people I know who do this work are far younger than I am, so I'm always pretending nothing hurts and I try to keep up with them, so they won't know exactly how old I am.  If they knew how old I was, they'd be offering assistance every time we did anything strenuous, like walking on uphill trails.  Thankfully, this even bothers some of the dog walkers in their 40's.  Today the snow is pretty & I don't have any dogs to walk because of the holiday, but a friend emailed that she is walking at Noon with her dogs & asked if I would be walking today.  I'm torn between having a day off & seeing my dog running & playing off leash in the snow in the woods.  I think the walk in the woods is winning.

Like you, I sometimes feel okay, then any little thing can have me doubled over in pain.  Seeing Todd's handwriting has done that to me too.  I'll see notes he has written & almost fall to the floor crying.  He was in the middle of doing so many things.  His room still looks the same: I'm not going to change it.  I think Todd felt the same way as Tyler did when, after college, he couldn't find a job, so he kept his job as a security guard until years later, when he went back to school and excelled in what he loved..working with computers.  A lack of confidence had kept him back, but once he found his niche, he was happy.

It must be difficult to have to go back every day to the place where your world changed forever.  When I talk about Todd here with you, I sometimes forget the reality of him being gone forever.  One of his friends, a girl, told me that he will never be gone as long as he lives in our hearts and minds.  But I so wish I could hear his voice and see him again.   Love, Janet     

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