Hi Marina, Janie here. How are you doing? I haven't been on line for awhile. Just trying too keep up but lost site of who and what I wrote. I've been doing ok. I'm really ok, however I still hide some of my feelings. Everyone has moved on. We will with the help of God, but still we have our weak moments.
Love to you Janie
Those are beautiful thoughts. I am not there yet. I look at it this way. Its a roller coaster ride and I am not at the controls. Someday I may be, but not today. I take Chad with me every where I go as well. God Bless you and your son and all your loved ones. Do you have any other children besides your beloved Mijo who will always be with you. Lisa
Thank you Marina. These days are so hard. Not sure I'll ever be "okay" again; but you know that. Just can't believe I lost him to this life. I believe with my whole heart that I will be with Chad again because the love we share is so strong. But for now I am trying to help his three devastated siblings, my husband and myself without a smile, hug or advice from our beloved son and brother, Chad Arthur Holbrook. I love that kid, Marina, I just love him so much. Lisa
Hi Marina, Today is one of those days. It was really a rough one and I don't know what set me off. I haven't been feeling good, and just started crying I miss Rich and my mom so bad. My mom always seemed to make me feel better, now they are both gone. My heart just hurts with lonelyness. Not many people realize how bad it can still get even if it is 25 months Rich is gone. God I wish He would make things better for us moms. We should not have to hide how we feel and most of the time I don't. Lately though I'm getting vibes that no one wants to see me cry over him anymore. Everyone has moved on. I'm so depressed this last week that I am hiding my feelings and pain from those around me. I know my husband knows, he just hugs and tells me Rich is in a better place. I know that but am
missing him so much. Tell me about mijo. What was he like. Prayers and Hugs. Love Janie
Hi Dear Friend, You know some of my days have been pretty good. I thank God everyday for those. The days that are rough are usually the days that I forget to say goodmorning to Our Lord and Rich. I get some of those days, that I feel sorry for myself, and my mind just doesn't work right. Is it me because I'm getting old (62) or do alot of our sisters in this group forget things? I've always wondered about that.In the beginning I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even now I feel that if I were to get a job,
I would be fired. Because my memory is only on what I have been through with Rich. None of us will ever forget those last days, eventhough it's been 2 yrs. It's still like yesterday. You asked what I do.
I either light his candle and pray and talk to him or just sit by myself and think of him. It does pass as time goes on. The bad days aren't as often. The boys would want us to start our new normal lives without them and be happy with what we have now.
They are waiting patiently for our time to be with them. Honey, take care and keep praying for that peaceful feeling. It'll come. Hugs to you and prayers
Hi Marina, hope to find you doing ok. It's been awhile since we wrote. Sometimes I don't remember who I wrote or what I said. By the time I re-read everything I'm tired. So now that I have your attention I 'm just letting you know I haven't forgotten about you you're still in my prayers. Love to you.
I love to talk about Chad. Chad was born November 24, 1990 at 7:45am. He weighed 8lbs. 14.5 ounces and was 21 inches long. He had extremely blonde hair and the blues of eyes. Chad was 18 years old when he died in a car accident on 9/4/09. He would have turned 19 on 11/24/09. We did celebrate his birthday and released 19 baloons (some with messages on them from "us", his family) to the sky. Things he loved to do here .... he was an awesome athlete. He played sports all his life. In high school he was a three-season athlete (football, basketball, and baseball). Basketball was his favorite. He was a starter on the 2007 superbowl team for his school Blackstone Valley Tech. He was a starter in every sport. He wrote in a senior journal that "I love sports. In my life there is nothing I'd rather do. Nothing is more important to me than sports, EXCEPT FAMILY." He was always humble about his athletic ability, never got a big head. Chad had very quick reflexes and would be on the floor more often than not during a basketball game. He was not afraid. Chad's basketball number (#5) was retired at a ceremony at his high school. Many, many people attended. He loved Jeff Gordon like I did. His favorite number was 24. He was very handsome (I have pictures on my page) ... but handsome on the inside as well.
We were honored to find that journal and to know that family was so important to him. I knew that already. Chad was simple, uncomplicated with a tremendous sense of humour. He loved to smile. He had many, many friends. Chad made a difference in the lives of others by not judging people and by listening to them. Chad and I were very close. He also loved his dad, his brother and two sisters. He was a fabulous son, a wonderful brother, and a loyal friend.
I am honored to be his mom forever. Thanks for asking about details about Chad. I could talk about him forever. Love, Lisa
I do remember the love, every second of every day; I feel overwhelmed right now by the pain of losing Chad in this physical life. I never thought I would ever be here when one of my children wasn't. He was supposed to say goodbye to me, not the other way around. You know, I am talking to God and to Chad. Asking them both to help me and my family as we struggle through something that is so much bigger than all of us. Marina, I just want my son back. I know that is impossible, but I think it will take years to get to a place of peace. Please continue to write. Lisa
Glad to hear from you Marina. You sound like you're doing ok. I guess I just had a bad week. I know our
good Lord is with me and blessing all of us in our time of sorrow. In time I guess we all realize that the kids are the happiest because there is no more pain and sadness. They are just waiting for us to get ourselves together and celebrate their lives, the time we had from God with our sons. I also know that my hard days will pass, and I will move on. Never forget always remember because our prayers keep us close to them. I too go to church now, I really didn't before, but since Rich died, my faith is stronger now than ever. My beliefs are stronger, and
this all brings me a little more peace at heart. Stay strong as I will and someday we will meet in heaven.
Take care, hugs
Hi Marina, how are things going? I'm trying to do ok, how are you? For some reason these last 2 weeks have been kind of tough. I have been praying and asked The Lord to stay by my side and keep me strong. Lent starts Wednesday, So I'll pray more. I know that He hears me alot of things I've asked for help with have worked out ok. So God does hear us.
I agree with you He is the only one to get us through this. Honey, I pray for everyone of our sisters in this
painful group. I'll continue to pray for you and your Mijo. Sometimes I get all of you girls mixed up, when I write. But if repeating myself still helps others, so be it. Love to you. Janie
Hi Marina, thanks for keeping in touch. I don't work
I'm retired, early retirement. so I understand not everyone has time like I do. I am patient though. Are you doing ok? It sounds like your kids will keep you busy, and with working, you don't have too much time to yourself. Saturday, I'm going to a fund raiser
for another mom on legacy, who lives in Wisconsin
they are trying to raise money for a marker for her daughter's grave. Her daughter was murdered in her own home last October. She was only 19. I'm sorry for those that haven't gotten closure. I do pray for everyone on this site and those that haven't found it
yet. So sad that the number keeps getting higher.
I know that God has been listening when I talk. Alot of my prayers have been answered. He does hear us.
My faith has never been stronger than it is now.
I still don't connect with anyone named Paula.
Stay in touch, God be with you, Love Janie
Marina, I will stay in touch, and I will wear pink on Valentines Day. I am at work and am unable to give a long reply right now, but I will write back and tell you my story. I think you are important to me. I think Chad sees it that way. Thank you for your prayers and concern. Lisa
Hi Marina, how are you doing? Thankyou for writing me that when you think of Rich, he tells you to tell me to say hi to Paula. As of now I don't recall anyone
named Paula. Are you sure thats the right name? I'm
not doubting you maybe its someone I don't remember. I hope that you're doing ok, Next time you write tell me about your son Mijo, and about yourself. Thanks, I'll write later in the week. Take care of yourself. Friends, Hugs Janie
When I read your reply, I truly felt that my son had sent me a sign. All of the people lived so far away, California, Texas, New Jersey. Then you replied stating you were from "Holbrook" Mass. As our last name is Holbrook, I know this is a sign from Chad. I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Mijo. You are so right ... a son NEVER dies to his mom and their love is a bond that death cannot break. I would love to learn more about you and your son. My home email is email@example.com. Thank you for reaching out. These are very dark days without my blonde haired, blue eyed boy. Lisa Delete Comment
Hi Marina, I too wait for the day I get to see Joey, and I pray that Mijo will be with him, it is reassuring to think they are together! I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better, I to have good days and It feels good... I never stop missing him and loving him and wondering and I know you dont either, It is that we must live until it is our time to be with our Babies, and we dont know how long that will be, so we cant be depressed all the time, it isnt healthy.
love to you and Mijo so very much!
Hi Marina, how are you doing? I still feel the peacefullness since Rich's anniversery. Sometimes I feel a little guilty. I don't know how to explain it. I do and always will miss Rich but I'm not dwelling on any of it anymore. I can smile more than I used to. How and what are you feeling when you say you've noticed changes, that your moving on? Write whenever you can. I'm usually on line at night. Take care and God Bless you.