Hi Theresa, thank you for your answer and kind words. Sorry if I don't write in the right place, I signed up on this website only yesterday and I still have to figure it out how it works. No, no, no, I am not suicidal!!! I didn't share my thoughts because I want to get any attention. I am ok (sort of), just comparing my life with others around me brings me many questions and makes me bitter sometimes. I missed out so much and I lost hope that somehow years can bring back those losses. I am ok, started to study a few months ago, set up my own small business. But I sense that inside my heart is cold and without any passion as it was for most of my life. Maybe this is because of my age, I don't know. I was always passionate changing the world, bringing hope to others but I am not anymore. Maybe I am just burnt out. Thank you for asking. It is really nice to hear some comforting words from people who understand grief and pain. May God bless you!
Thanks! The only consolation I have is that there is some life after death but it is not the same. There will be no hugs from our loved one. The sad thing is that sometimes people think that they can run from their problems and try to end it all thinking this life is the end. It is not. There is an afterlife and there will be a heaven and a outer darkness. I pray our loved ones find heave and the angels lift them up. I am sorry we have to hurt because our loved children left before us. I wish we could bring them back and start all over but there just isn't a way to do that. Hugs and prayers. Bonnie
Hi I set my profile to private and comments to be approved. I get an email when someone attempts to post and click approve. This is just a precaution. Sorry about the confusion. My daughter died 2 years ago at 22 she was hit by a tractor trailer. Her car broke down late at night on the highway she managed to get car to side of road but got out to wave down help sadly the trucker never saw her but he felt the impact and pulled over. She was dragged to death. Suffice it to say the casket was closed. It is still a shock she was 22 born in 1988. I guess it is one day at a time. This is hard to deal with. Bonnie
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry about your son too. I guess it has been the first year. Some days are better than others. With the holidays so close it is hard to celebrate but we must try to remember the good times and hold this in our heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Bonnie
I haven't been on this site for awhile, but I came on it today and you had left a comment on my page, so I followed your page and see your having the first anniversery tommorrow. My heart is aching for you. It's a tough day. I don't have any expert advice to give you. I lost my brother 15 years ago to suicide and my son a little over 2 years ago. I dealt with both those days differently. Just do whatever you need to do to get through the day, but be sure Your Safe. With my brother, I went to his grave and cried all day. With my son, I did whatever I had to do to keep busy until I could go to sleep and wake up on another day. I don't know how your beliefs are, but I will be praying for you.
I was just reading the Grief Wheel. Pretty on the money. Some the steps we go forward and then a little backward. As far as confusion, I still don't have my mind back fully. I am in another world of thought a lot of times during the day. Sometimes when I get home (and I am driving) I don't even remember driving home. Pretty scary. When I am taking care of my 5 yr old grandson I MAKE myself stay focused and paying attention to the moment. I am at two years and still have the confusion.
I am glad you advised Martin the same as me. I tell you, men really hold in their feelings and it does affect the heart. Poor Martin was so close to his son (as was my husband) and then he has two little girls he is raising also. Very hard to grieve and be a Dad at the same time. I know he will get through as he is strong but such a sensitive man. I am glad we have him and Jeff in our site as we get a males perspective of grief.
Take care and your boy looked so full of life. Hopefully the coming year finds more peace and comfort for us as for our lost boys.
Thank you so much Theresa. The day before his anniversary, the 21st was traumatic but the day of,the 22 went okay. Doesn't make sense.. I was alone in the even. of both days as my hubby works 2nd shift but I had people checking in on me. I have a wonderful friend in my pastor and he tells me not to hestitate to call if I need him. Didn't get to go to his grave until yesterday. My husband and I took 8 long stemmed yellow roses and placed them on Chuck's grave. I was very blessed this season to receive a call from one of Chuck's friends who hadnt heard of his tragedy. When we talked she couldn't believe that he committed suicide.She knew his rather well when he worked at this one place and said how strong he was and how he helped her thru she and her husband's difficulities. She called me to find out where he is buried and she and her husband visited him yesterday . She wants to keep in contact with us. Chuck didnt realize how much he impacted others. I know he is looking down on all of us.BLessings to all.LOve Jackie
Thanks Theresa - I am trying to start praying again, I have always had a strong belief but just lost it when my son died, this month is very hard on all of us,and im trying to find a group support that I can actually go to this site is wonderful but I need people around me that understands also. Thanks for writing and caring this site has helped me so much