I have just come across this story today. I am so sorry for your loss and would like to leave you with one thing: Psalms 37:10,11 which reads: "And just a little while longer, and the wicked one will be no more; And you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be. But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, And they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace"
I feel what you are saying... so well I can remember that morning that my son was murdered for no reason should that have happen.. I woke up that morning weeping for no reason and started to just stay home that morning but because I felt that my job would be in trouble I went on, I tell you I cried all the way to work, 20minutes of driving. I prayed that God would show me what was ahead and the smile of my son face with his beautiful smile was what I saw and I began to pray that God would take care of him and keep him from all hurt and danger. When I got there I could not move out of my car for crying again. I finally got it together and went in and sat at my desk I tell you it was not an hour and I was up an in the bathroom crying again, it was going to be a short day for me because of a dental appointment so I stuck it out. Everyone wanted to know what was wrong but I didn't know. Crying to the dental office and thru the treatment I had to get to my neighborhood meeting and yes the weeping started all over again and around 8:05pm I could not control it any longer so I excused myself and went home, showered and went to bed. Just as I seem to have fallen asleep the phone rang and I heard my husband say OH! NO! Sitting up in the bed not being able to move for a moment everything went thru my mind. I heard him say Eric and I could not sit there any longer I took the phone from him to hear Eric's wife say that Eric was dead.... I thought that she was going to say that he had been taken to the hospital, had an accident anything but he was dead. Daybreak was when we heard the news. Eric had been murdered... My day turned back to night. I could not see how this could have happened to my Eric, my son. He was not a violent person; he was a loving person that did whatever he could for anyone. Not my Eric no one could take his life, but it had happen and there was nothing I could do my son was gone forever, and we found out that it was around 9:06pm when he was murdered so God was trying to prepare me all the time, I just could not believe what had happen. The hurt was there for keeps it seem that I could not get through this and I too got the looks from some of my co-worker that made me feel that felt there had been enough time for me to have gotten over his death but I hope they never know the grief of the heart of a mother to lose a child, you never get over it you just take one day at a time. I prayed for strength to hold on until God could bring justice and for his help in my understanding why he did not bring Eric back to me. He let me know that he was with Eric and that Eric was ready to spend eternity with him this world had taken him through things that he did not want to come back to and he was ready to let God take control of them. He wrote on his board at his job before he left that evening Let Go Let God.
God also let me know that Vengeance was his and if I trust him he would make it alright. He is doing just what he said. Its been almost 4yrs now and we just got word that there has been 3 indictments so far in Eric's murder and I am believing that everyone that had anything to do with his murder will have justice served on them, and that each day they live they will face fact that they took the life of someone so loving and full of life that he would do whatever it took to make others happy and feel good. I don't want their life because it not mine to take, life is given by God and no person has the right to take it. So whatever justice is for them I pray that it is delivered but I never want them to forget what they have done to not only Eric but his family and the people that loved him so much and also denying the people that never got the chance to meet him the blessing of knowing him. God has blessed our family with a grandson by our oldest daughter whom she named after his uncle and in so many ways he's like him. We see images of Eric all the time in him, things he say and do you would not believe. Yes I too go to the cemetery to chat, it helps to have some private time trying to cope, I realize that it’s just his body there but it's the last place I left him and I need that time sometimes. His good memories and sprit will always be in my heart and his soul I know is with the Lord. So Daisy, cry if you must but don't give up on God bring Justice if he is doing it for us he will do it for you. You just keep the faith and let him do the work. He knows all that were involved and was there with your brother so they can't go without being brought to justice.
I was truely touched by your story. Daisy no matter how sad you are keep in mind that you were the best sister to him. Like you said you partially raised him. Im sure he loved you so much, and i can see you loved him alot too. He didnt deserve what happened to him and i hope the other person responsible pays up in there life. Although hes not here for you to look after just remember that hes up there..and its his turn to watch over you and the rest of your guys family. Dont just think of him as your brother now, think of him as both your brother and your guardian angel. Its hard for me to realize one of my favorite relatives is gone too, and im going to admit i was in denial for the longest time until [like you] i started having dreams of her telling me it was going to be okay and that where ever there was an obstacle in mine or my other families life that she would take care of it. I sometimes wake up and actually think her and my grandma are still here but sadly they arent. But they are here, my aunt and grandma, and your brother..in spirit. We cant see them but 24/7 they are right beside us making sure no harm is done. Like i said they are our gaurdian angels..Sure we can cry but they would want us to be strong and happy. He would want you to stay strong like the amazing sister you were raising both him and your own child..Thanks for your condolences and you still have mine. =]
Im really sorry for your loss of your brother, its really depressing when the young go way before their time. Your brother passed away a month after my aunt passed unexpectidly...A DAY AFTER BOTH HERS AND MY BIRTHDAY. You are in my prayers..
My name is Shantrell. My mother-in-law is Elaine Banks Phillips who is often on this site. I want to thank you for giving her words of encouragement. I read about your brother. My heart goes out to you and your family. Just like my mother-in-law hurt over the lost of Kris. He was more of a brother than a brother-in-law. Like some people say a brother from another mother. So you can say I to have lost a sibling. If you ever need to talk I'm here. I will keep you and your family in my prayer. Hope to hear from you soon.
I hope this has been a good day for you. I have been really busy and can't wait for some down time. Enough about me. How are you? I hope today finds you better than yesterday. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope to hear from you soon.
At 2:51pm on June 1st, 2008, Elaine Banks Phillips said…
Dsiay I might have responed 2 times to you. At 2:48pm on June 1st, 2008, Elaine Banks Phillips said…
Daisy I lost a brother but my oldest brother who took the place of my dad after his death. My brother died from diabeties not violent. But it still hurts. Speaking of a dream my son Kris who was killed in a car accident 2yrs ago had a dream of my dead brother,uncle, and my father standing at the foot of a bridge. He stated my other brother was with him,he turned and said oh look at uncle Wayne,PaPa and grandma waving and talking to us. My brother told him I don't see nor hear them. Kris told me this dream,my comments was you better stop answering the dead boy. Not the next day but (3) days later my son Kris was killed instantly in the car accident. I don't know if this was a sign for him. I said to myself alright Ella leave my child alone. This was my mother name. When my mother and father died I use to get very angry to see my parents neighbors still living and was much older than my parents. To me Death brings you to a different level of thinking and feelings. I acepted my 1st child,parents and brother death, but this last death did it. I don't know why and how this son death took me to the level that I had a Brain Aneurysym. I couldn't sleep at night,crying,taking sleeping pills that was not helping at all. I'm still at night can't sleep,up all night,losing weight,gaining weight. I tell everyone how my heart still aches. I pray and ask God to let me see my son again only if it just in a dream. I have not dreamed of my son since his death. everyone dreams of Kris but me. So I am taking this one day at a time,praying and asking God to heal my heartache.
God Bless you for your words of kindness and the pain that you have suffered yourself.....Wow.......it's incredible how much pain one person can withstand and still have the strength to pass on to others in need. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Daisy,thanks so much for your kind words of expressions. Daisy you know somthing,on this web site just sitting here reading and listening to everyone else on how they cope with or not handling their love one death to well have given me some way to feel like I am not alone with heartache and pain. I know God had a reason for Kris to be with him. Like the front of Kris tee shirts that we all purchase had on it,GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES. This was a creation of my sister Loraine. You know I know better than to question God,for this is my 2nd child I had to give back to God. My sister Loraine told me look at it this way God look down and said I need this young man up here to help me. You know this put a smile on my face,but it ran across my mind,you know I needed that young man here with me to. Than I look up toward heaven and I stated just kidding. Daisy you know Kris was the role model for the entire men side of the family. Kris was the one to keep everyone together,even though he was the youngest. You could go to Kris with a problem,he would sat and listen. Trust me no one else would know what your problem was not if it had to told by Kris. He had a smile that would just knock you off your feet. All of his friends,schoolmate,family,co-worker and teachers would say boy he keeps a big smile on his face at all times. Just like you see him smiling on this picture,this is how he lived. You would never know if he had a problem or not. Everyone use to call Kris the hook up man. Kris knew auto mechanic,like oil changes,spark plugs,brake jobs,he would service your sterio,computer,refrigerator,aircondtion,TV, VCR just about a all around man. If you would have meet Kris you would have loved him that is just the kind of person he was. Daisy I miss my son so much. Daisy in Feb. of 2006,I took seriously ill,when I open my eyes Kris was sitting on my bed with his head down whispering in my ear. It was like he woke me up from the dead saying,moma you can't leave us now,his tears rolling down on me. when I opened my eyes he was crying wiping my tears aways. Than the next month Kris killed in this fatal car accident. Sometimes I feel like I wonder if he ask God to take him? I am crying now but I would like for you to view Kris Legacy Connect Memorial site that I put together.(http://wemissyouKrisjp.legacy.com/lmw/Homepageaspx ) Daisy Keep praying with me." This is my family"
Hey Daisy, you always seem to have the right words to say. Thank you for your kind words about Robert and my Mom. My Mom was a very beautiful and intelligent lady, and, I'm proud to be her son. Mom and Robert were the two most important and influential people in my life. I miss them both dearly. Thanks again for your kind words, Daisy. Where's your profile pic, by the way?