Hi Jan,I thank you for the gracious words of encouragement,it may seem strange but some people are geared for pain and heartache and these are the times you have too look inside and trust God,I know after all the things that have happened to me God has too be close by.Life has been tough at times I've had to endure some hard pains but God has helped me too stand so that I may help others to stand,I pray that your pain eases soon and then you can truly see what has happened and you can regroup take a deep breath & know that you can make it.God Bless you is our prayer!
Hi Jan,thanks for the kind words & your gracious heart,I'm thankful for going thru all of the death and sickness for they have made me a lot stronger had I not seen all of the trials and tribulations cause I've seen so many people fall by the way-side when smaller adversity came along.Jan I can tell you have a good heart and this journey can be hard at times but you can make it out of the heart wrenching situation that has a grip on all of us but I keep my eyes on the Lord & trust him with all of my heart as I know he's a guide that never leads me in the wrong direction even though the road may look rough and the valley's may be low I know that in the deepest valley he's there with you and I and on the rocky road we tread he's there with us so hold on a little while longer and you'll see clearer it takes time but it will clear up for you and your family.There are many nights I cry & thee are many nights I laugh because not every day is rough and not every night is long,Ihave committed my life to him that holds life in the palm of his hands and your life and mine and all that pertain to us is in his hand so please don't give up on God,he has not left you even in the toughest times he's right there.Be Blessed.
Hi Jan,I read your wall as you said you lost your everything I can identify,my brother, mom,my dad,& sister got shot in the head while she was asleep and my baby brother passed april of 2009 of cancer,when we speak of death they all have a heart wrenching pull on us regardless of who they are,we expect our parents to go before we do but you don't expect your child to go before you do,but death at any rate we have the sad task of having to bury someone we love very much.
Ok, Jan, thanks for replying back. I understand completely about having a LOT to do, since I now have my 91 y.o. mom to care for. I'm the only child, so I guess that's a blessing & a curse, isn't it? Anyway, take your time & I'll send you mail from my address so you have my e-mail address. Remember, take care of YOU, too, ok?
I read your post a couple of days ago and I felt your anguish. It has stayed with me over the past few days and come back to me in the oddest places, even while walking down the street on the way home from the grocery store. I was thinking about what you said about all the guilt you feel at being the black sheep of the family. It got me thinking about my own guilt and regrets.
No matter what kind of relationship we had with our parents many of us probably have some doubts about what we could have done, or should have done. I sure do. And I was very close to Mom. Still I am wracked by guilt—I could have done much better with career choices, tried harder, accomplished more, made her happier, healthier. That guilt, I am finding is one of the hardest parts of this grieving journey that we are all on. It’s so hard not to have regrets about dreams that won’t come to pass. And they keep playing over and over and over in my mind. Jan, I always thought there would be more time to get things right!
My brother and sister had a more strenuous relationship with Mom, but I know she loved and cared and worried about them equally. She talked to me all the time about trying to mend their lives, find solutions for their problems. She never really ever did fix their lives. Still, their bond was never entirely broken--especially in the end. Love cuts through all that earthly baggage.
I wish my Mom had super-stars for children, because that’s what she deserved. She was a super-star Mom who deserved to be reaped with all of the comforts and luxuries, peace of mind and joy that life can bring.
But I know she loved all of us even though I’m sure we disappointed her many times. I guess all we can do now is do our best, try to find our way. And to dedicate our efforts to the people we’ve lost.
Jan, I hope you will come to feel better soon. It is very, very hard to lose both of your parents. The loss of the second one brings back memories of losing the first. When my mom died, I felt a lot of confusing things, but one of them was guilt - the feeling that maybe I could have or should have done more for her, been a better daughter, etc. This is really a common feeling, so don't think that you were such a bad child. Of course we all make lots of mistakes growing up and as adults toward our parents, but we can't go back and change the errors, just learn from them. Your mom and dad both knew that you cared about them and depended on them in many ways. They loved you despite the mistakes you made and they made. Losing someone makes you realize that life is precious, so you can cherish the precious times that you did have with your parents and cherish the times you have now with your remaining family. Make the most of your interactions with your folks (and your friends too) - be there for them, spend time with them. If you have disagreements, downplay them and try to emphasize the postive things. Whatever you have in common, rejoice in those things. This will help you honor your parents' memories and will improve your relationships with your family now. Also, it will comfort you. May God bless and console you as you continue to live your life.
Jan, I think your parents know exactly how much you loved them and you said it your self unconditional love. There is nothing to me more special than a mothers love, I lost my mom too and she was everthing to me. My mom passed in 6/03 and my father passed in 1/08 so I feel your pain, your parents made mistakes in their own lives there only wish for you is that you have a happy beautiful life, everytime someone close to me dies and we just lost my husbands mom 1/16/10 I try and take something away as what can I do to make the time I am here better. It sounds like you loved your parents very much. Remember we are all human!! Live your life and have fun. They can see you. Linda
Jan, My sympathy to you. I lost my dad 10-21-09 and can't imagine losing my mom, ever, although I know it will happen someday. Its not easy being the best child or parent, and no one can claim to always do the best or be the best. I think that grieving an unresolved relationship adds an element of regret that might seem unsurmountable. I believe in getting support wherever it helps you as an individual, so that you can make sense of all the emotions and continue on your own journey in life. This forum might be helpful for some, some might find support in faith or spirituality, some might have other people in their lives who can help, some might seek professional therapy, and ultimately, all of the above may help. All therapy is not the same, some therapists might be more helpful for certain situations and individuals, and it may take time to develop good working trust with a therapist. No matter what, resolving grief is a process that takes time, and it can be hard work. I wish you peace in this process. A friend told me that the grief she feels since her father's death has come in waves. I have felt that way, too. Sometimes the grief seems way too heavy, but trust that you'll find a happy memory or thought that will keep you going. Know that you will probably continue to feel these waves, be good to yourself when your grief is heaviest.