Nancy McKinney's Comments

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At 2:23pm on January 26, 2011, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…

Nancy,

I'm sorry you're having a bad day.  Your husbands reaction sounds a lot like my husbands too.  He says it worries him when I cry so much.  Well I'm sorry, my daughter just died less than two months ago, I think I'll be doing a lot of crying.  I'm home alone all day and that's when I do most of my crying.  Of course I cry at night too.  Now that I think about it, I cry a lot. :-)  My brother died when I was 15, my mom said she cried in the shower.  I do that too. She couldn't remember and asked my dad the other day if she cried much in the beginning when my brother died and he told her, all the time.  As a teenager I don't remember that, of course I was not home much at the time.  I think it's normal to cry and to think about it nonstop.  Autumn and I spent so much time together, especially with her being in the hospital all the time, that it's got to be different for us moms than for the dads.  Don't you think?  My husband is very affectionate and will hold me when I cry, but I try not to do it much anymore because I know it bothers him. I've got to admit, that makes me a little resentful.  I hope your husband thinks about it some and has a change of heart and will be there for you physically, it's important for you.

Also, I love the poem you posted.

Keep your head up and I'm sending hugs your way.

Terri

At 9:43am on January 25, 2011, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…

Nancy,

Thank you so much for your response to my posting on the main wall.  I really appreciate it. 

I'm so sorry for your loss too.  What a beautiful girl.

Autumn was also my only daughter and was born with health issues.  That is part of the reason I'm having a hard time with the autopsy results.  Autumn had nine surgeries in her life and was in the hospital over 30 times.  Originally they said it was the flu and knowing that is upsetting after all the fighting she had to do throughout her life. It just seems so ironic she would die from the flu (if that's what it was) when she had so many more major things through out her life.

Anyway, I'm sorry for going on, I just want you to know your response made me feel better and I appreciate it.

At 5:54pm on January 21, 2011, Melinda Ellen Guinn said…
Pretty littke girl. She looks like you too. I'm so sorry. 
At 5:54pm on January 21, 2011, Melinda Ellen Guinn said…
Pretty littke girl. She looks like you too. I'm so sorry. 
At 12:25pm on January 12, 2011, Donna Chatterton said…

Nancy,My heartfelt sympathy to you & your family.I lost my only 2 children seven months apart. Leigh was the baby.She died of a brain hemorage do to high blood pressure.Leigh was no bigger than a minute.She took good care of herself.Leigh died at her fiance home.Her future mother in law found her.I couldn't go to her because the police were called and they had to make sure there was no fowl play.I never got to say good bye to her.The next time I saw My Leigh was at het wake five days after she passed.Leigh was 34. My Dawn was a single mother of two daughters.Bryonna & Devyn.Dawn died of complications of gastric bypass surgery,which she had 9yrs prior to her death.Dawn died of malnutrision!If Dawn weighed only 70lbs when she passed.We knew we were loosing her,but it didn't make her death ant easier. Dawn was 38.Friday Jan 14 is her birthday. I just want you to know I know how you feel and in plain english it SUCKS.Foe me it hasn't gotten any easier.Leigh will be gone 3yrs come Aug. and Dawn will be gone 2yrs come March. People say I am so strong and I take offense to that because to me it sounds like their saying I'm cold! I'm far from STRONG I'm only surviving.I miss them so much ,I still cry everyday for them.I know I have her daughters but that is not the same as having my daughters.

I'm sorry for going on for so long.

 

At 12:17pm on January 12, 2011, Tami said…
Nancy, Its ok to cry! that is why we have tear ducts! I think it is a great release, just think how you would feel if you didnt cry! I do most of my crying in the shower, that way no one sees me and I can let it all out! I know how you feel seeing all of her things packed away, I have all of my 18 year old sons things in those plastic bins in the hallway leading into my bedroom, I cant believe that all of his things fit in 3 32 gallon bins.... I cant let my husband take them and put them in storage, I tell him I have to see them, if he moves them I know and I get upset, I dont know why I am so obsessed with those bins, I think it is my way of hanging on. Your daughter is beautiful, she looks liks a mommys girl. Please know that we are all here for you, you can say whatever you want to say here, you can come here and cry all day if you need to, we will all help eachother. Much love to you and know that you are not alone....
At 12:17pm on January 12, 2011, Tami said…
Nancy, Its ok to cry! that is why we have tear ducts! I think it is a great release, just think how you would feel if you didnt cry! I do most of my crying in the shower, that way no one sees me and I can let it all out! I know how you feel seeing all of her things packed away, I have all of my 18 year old sons things in those plastic bins in the hallway leading into my bedroom, I cant believe that all of his things fit in 3 32 gallon bins.... I cant let my husband take them and put them in storage, I tell him I have to see them, if he moves them I know and I get upset, I dont know why I am so obsessed with those bins, I think it is my way of hanging on. Your daughter is beautiful, she looks liks a mommys girl. Please know that we are all here for you, you can say whatever you want to say here, you can come here and cry all day if you need to, we will all help eachother. Much love to you and know that you are not alone....
At 11:57am on January 2, 2011, valerie moore said…
Nancy,  your daughter is absolutely beautiful.  i too lost my only child, a son, 1 yr and 4 mon ago, its seems like it doesnt get better, but i have many friends on this site and we all comfort each other and we are all here to help each other during bad times and good ones as well.  we are glad you came here and hope you find some peace and love here.   hugs,  valerie.
At 11:57am on January 2, 2011, valerie moore said…
Nancy,  your daughter is absolutely beautiful.  i too lost my only child, a son, 1 yr and 4 mon ago, its seems like it doesnt get better, but i have many friends on this site and we all comfort each other and we are all here to help each other during bad times and good ones as well.  we are glad you came here and hope you find some peace and love here.   hugs,  valerie.
At 12:57am on January 1, 2011, Lisa Halsey said…

Nancy I know how you feel I feel so empty with out my son Daniel who passed away Nov.16th 2008 he was 21 yrs old he was killed in a car accident due to texting and driving he was my world he was my first born my best friend, i still have another son Micheal who is 18 now if it wasn't for him i don't think i could live my life i know God has his plan for our children and they are with him i know God took your daughter because he didn't want her to suffer any more but why my son he wasn't suffering or sick i could probably would of understood i don't know.I thank God everyday that my son did not suffer his car left the road because he took his eye off the road to text his girlfriend and he hit a 9ft tree stump flipped his suv he was ejected and the car flipped on top of him one of the spings from the window from his back window and hit him in the back of the head so he died instantly didn't feel pain i think his life flashed in front of him and God and his angels caught him so i guess he wanted to be with God Daniel did completed his work here on earth i don't think he wanted to hurt me or his family Daniel was the most caring most lovable young man that made a good impact on everyone and i was so honored to be his mom and my love for him will never die like his love for me will never die.  The night before he died he called me he was at work he never called me when he was at work we talked everyday he would call me before he went to work of after but that night he called me when he was at work to tell me that he loved me and that he would see me soon. He was away at college in a different state he was a football player on a scholorship he was sapose to come home for Thanksgiving break he said mom I love you and i will see you later, and that was it i will never forget that night his last voice and the last i love you mommy. I am here for you if you need to talk Lisa Daniel's mom

At 7:38am on December 31, 2010, Janet - Todd's Mom said…

Nancy, I understand your feelings exactly because I lost my only son to pneumonia that his doctor didn't diagnose in June of '09.  He was rushed to the ER only days after seeing this doctor, who wouldn't give him antibiotics
because she didn't feel as though he was "that sick".  In the hospital, they said he had acute respiratory distress syndrome and put him on a ventilator.  Only 5 days later he died because all of his organs had failed.  We're still in shock, pain, disbelief 18 months later.  We didn't put up a tree in the house, but we did bring one to the cemetery for him, as well as a battery-operated flickering candle that's solar powered so it only goes on at night. 

All of the feelings you described sound very familiar to me.  Even though I have a wonderful husband and a grown daughter, I feel like my life is over.  Todd was the one who was always in a good mood, easy-going, helpful, intelligent, kind and always make us laugh when we argued, so we would stop.  Since he loved animals so much, especially cats, we have brought him many little animals, the type that people put in their gardens.  Tonight we
will spend New Years' Eve with his friends, the same ones that he did
for the past 15 years.  They bought him a memorial candle and light it
when they get together, and I bring a picture of him, wanting to include
him.  His friends are wonderful people who I got to know really well
during the time he was in the hospital, as they were there almost round
the clock.  They have children of their own now, and Todd was Godfather
to two of them.  

Just know that we all share the pain you are going through and wish you a peaceful new year, as best you can.  Hugs to you and everyone here, Janet 

At 7:10am on November 6, 2010, Amelia R Chavez said…
Nancy I 'am so sorry for the loss of your daughter,this will be the second year without my oldest son Johnny he was 36.I too had a hard time with the holidays and still having,you do what you feel don't let anyone tell you different.The first year we didn't celebrate but we did the outside lights on the house because my son always loved to be the first on the block and thats all we did no tree nor gifts,we just couldn't and this year will be the same. I feel that we hurt more than our husbands,we gave birth to them and spent more time with our babies,you cry when you want to they used to tell me don't cry in front of the other kids,I couldn't help it out of no where i couldn't control myself ,so you grief and cry and anger will also come i just wanted to scream and punch in a wall and still have all this feelings,I am here for you as well as the rest of them.Take Care.
At 10:40am on November 4, 2010, Shirley Gutierrez said…
Dearest Nancy,
I am so sorry for you & I can feel your pain. I have lost 2 of my 3 daughters in the past 16 months. They both died of cancer. Last year was our first Christmas without my youngest, Lisa & of course it was heartbreaking but I still had 2 other daughters at that time & 2 grandchildren who were also devastated. My grandaughter wrote a beautiful poem for her deceased aunt. We all cried & lit a candle for Lisa. This year we will spend the first Christmas without my oldest daughter, Linda also but we will get through it. Lisa & Linda both loved Christmas & we will miss them terribly but we go on for the rest of the family. One reason....... Lisa & Linda would want us to. We were & are very strong women & I imagine you are also.
You have our deepest sympathy & we all understand your grief.
Love, Shirley
At 6:31pm on November 3, 2010, karen said…
nancy, i dont know how to get in touch with donna, she too, emailed me...to donna, im so sorry about your loss...it really doesnt get easier, there are times when i think of the funny times that we had as well as the bad times...as i turn into the cemetary, think to myself, wow, i would never had thought that in order to visit my daughter, i would have to come here...my dad was creamated, and he is buried over her heart...on halloween, i bought a pumpkin and made a funny face on it with markers...i sat on my blanket and had fun knowing that i was with both of them...people who have not gone thru what we have losing a child (loved one) cannot phanthom the loss. they think that after awhile we can/should move on...i laugh at that...i hope no one ever has to go thru a loss sooo great...i have this poem about how a child/loved one tells the family that even though they are not with us on earth to spend the holidays...they are celebrating it in heaven...of course it is a tear jerker, but it also has comfort knowing that near or far...we are together in heart and memory. this is a special thing that i share with my dad and daughter on the holidays...and no one can take that away from me....
At 6:17pm on November 3, 2010, karen said…
hi nancy, i lost my daughter november 23 2005, it was the nite before thanksgiving....i know how hard it is to celebrate the holidays...christmas was my daughters favorite holiday...instead of trying to forget and not celebrate, i celebrate christmas to the fullest to rember all the christmas's in the past that i was able to have with her...by no means it isnt easy...but it eases the pain to remember and keep her in my heart...i can feel her presence as well as my dad's (who passed away a month to the day ) ...i rember one christmas eve, i put on alvin and the chipmunk christmas songs....and i was frosting cut outs...she came home from work so excited about christmas...helped frost some and ate some...i will never forget that...this is one of many memories that keeps me going...i hope this helps if only for a bit...to not only celebrate christmas but also celebrate her life during christmas...god bless you.
At 6:17pm on November 3, 2010, karen said…
hi nancy, i lost my daughter november 23 2005, it was the nite before thanksgiving....i know how hard it is to celebrate the holidays...christmas was my daughters favorite holiday...instead of trying to forget and not celebrate, i celebrate christmas to the fullest to rember all the christmas's in the past that i was able to have with her...by no means it isnt easy...but it eases the pain to remember and keep her in my heart...i can feel her presence as well as my dad's (who passed away a month to the day ) ...i rember one christmas eve, i put on alvin and the chipmunk christmas songs....and i was frosting cut outs...she came home from work so excited about christmas...helped frost some and ate some...i will never forget that...this is one of many memories that keeps me going...i hope this helps if only for a bit...to not only celebrate christmas but also celebrate her life during christmas...god bless you.

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