Mary Ann Squires (Macs)'s Comments

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At 7:56am on October 12, 2012, Tami said…
Hi Mary Ann, I am going way back to when I started this site and seeing how parents are coping, I hope that you are doing well.

At 7:50pm on April 12, 2011, Ronda Johnston said…
Thanks for writing Mary Ann, Good to hear from you.... I am so very sorry to hear about your 2 friends who past,   wow I don't know what I would do if I lost someone else close to me right now... so sorry friend!!!!  I'm glad your keeping busy, it seems like when I'm busy my mind still gravitates tord Sean, I don't think I can ever stop thinking about him. I wanted to ask you if your on facebook??  I am, if you are I would like to be friends with you on fb.... let me know????  lets please keep in touch.  God Bless u & your family. write soon. Love u Ronda
At 11:03pm on April 5, 2011, Ronda Johnston said…
Hello Mary Ann, It's been a while since we have spoke last, just wondering how u are??  How is your family??  I'm just about the same, living day by day that's about it.... Still so lonely without Sean, missing him every minute of the day!!!!!   I'm sure u feel the same.  let me know how everything is ,okay? Hug's to u friend, love Ronda
At 8:13pm on March 14, 2011, Paula G, Jimmy's Mother said…
Hello Mary Ann, I lost my son December 7, 2010.  Life has not been the same since.  Everyday is a struggle.  Today would have been his 44th birthday.  How old was your son?  We all can stand together and take strength from each other.  I truly understand and I will put you in my prayers.  "hugs"  Paula
At 12:27am on March 14, 2011, lorelie elkshoulder said…


Hi how are you doing? I am coming up on my Jimmy's birthday April 28th and I find myself slipping into the deep abyss. I miss my son, I hate my husband and the drinking and mean things he says. I don't seem to have the energy to move forward without him even tho my son would have loved for me to leave him. I heard my son today. I was sitting in the living room and I heard him say "Mom" I know I heard it and it made me cry as does everything else. I hope and wish for you to be getting by ok I think about you often,

Your friend


At 5:53pm on February 28, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Hi Mary sorry I haven't got back with you my daughter and grandsons were visiting this weekend.  And yes I got a sign the other day I was in my closet and I have a lot of Andy momentos on the shelve in there, well I was getting my clothes for the day and this Teddy Bear that has been in there since mving here started playing Jingle Bells and this Bear you have to squeeze it's hand to make it play, well when I picked it up one of his medals he recieved in High School Football fell right in front of me, I truly believe that was a sign. What I really miss is he would call me at least two or three times a week just to say What's popping Mama he always seemed Happy and I truley miss that. His Wife and children are all settled in their new home she had to move he passed in the house and she just could not bear being there any longer so I'm happy for them, she sends me pictures of their 2 yr. old twins weekly, I really want to see them but I don't have the spirit to go visit there without him there, Oh I didn't mention I live in another City so I'm still working on that I have one son left and three daughters and they all live there in Michigan so it's going to take some finding peace well you have a good day..................
At 10:36pm on February 27, 2011, Jackie Jones said…
i also lost my mom too colon cancer a little over year ago and was still trying to get over that grief as well when this happened.  so overwhelming all of this.  thank god there is this site and that i have so many friends and family that care about me as i could not imagine if there was no support network on how i would be doing now as i am barely doing as it is.
At 10:33pm on February 27, 2011, Jackie Jones said…
hi, it so hard to sum up a life into a few words.  My son was a caring funny and independent stubborn teenager.  He had a passion for cooking, and was looking forward to being an executive chef and owning his restaurant some day.  he loved to skateboard that was his escape from his everyday problems.  He had impacted a lot lives i found out after he died i have so many notes from other teenagers he went to school with, it was overwhelming and amazing on how many people he touched.  but he also had been in trouble with having posession of marijuana and a duii last may.  so he was on probation.  even with this trouble he was on track to graduate and was accepted to the art institute of portland culinary 4 yr degree program as long as he got his diploma he was in.  i am still waiting on the autopsy results.  they think he may have got confused with his prescription medicaiton and taken too much.  he was taking medication for anxiety and back pain.  it just hurts so bad everyday i dont know how we do get through each sometimes.  i try not to feel that i could of some prevented this from happening, but it is hard not too. 
At 12:04pm on February 24, 2011, Kaye said…

Hi Mary Anne:


Sorry I haven't returned your e-mail.  My dad wound up back in the hospital on December 26 and hasn't been home since.  He is in a nursing home.  It is awful.  I haven't had time to even grieve my own son at the year anniversary which was on December 23.  His name was Paul Gary Fortenberry.  My computer is in the shope so I am at the library using their computer.  Thanks for your kind words and I will keep in touch when I get my computer back which should e early next week.  Take care.

At 6:44pm on February 20, 2011, valerie moore said…
hi mary ann.  i am surviving as we all are.  we are all on this journey that none of would have ever imagined we would be on.  but i do find comfort here with a few special people.  how is life going for you??? are you working?  i am a telephone operator.  i stepped out of my career, several years ago ( claims adjuster) due to stress.  after work, i just come home/have no reliable friends.  i just want to shelter myself and i live with my husband and mother in law.  i have found a great church and that is helping somewhat////   thinking of you macs,  take care and keep in touch,  love, valerie
At 1:07pm on February 20, 2011, Terri Kuta said…
Be Careful as soon as my daughter went in and put memorial for jonathan facebook canceled his account who was his friends before can write on his page but he can't get anymore friends and we can't go on to his site, I have contacted them and they said that is their policy when someone dies.
At 10:56am on February 20, 2011, Linda said…
MaryAnn....I'm not sure about the facebook pages, I do know that on myspace my daughter, Jennie had her own and after she died my other daughter,  Julie, went onto Jennie's and changed the name from Jennifer Johnston to In Memory of Jennifer Johnston and the part that you write a little something about yourself, Julie left what Jennie had but added a new beginning to it to let people know that she is gone now.  I love it, I have put so many pictures on it and yes, I will go on and add comments just like some of her friends will do.  I know how you feel, it's like you want to hold on to any and everything that belonged to our children and want everyone not to forget them.  I doubt this will help but was just a thought. Not sure if you can do that on facebook.  If I find out anything I will let you know.   Take care...Linda, Jennifer's mom
At 4:38pm on February 2, 2011, lorelie elkshoulder said…

Hi Macs,

Well today is my husband (not my son's dad) and my 3rd anniversary. I really doubt we'll ever make it to 4. It's not his son that's gone forever...He just doesn't get it. He expects me to be who I was and that will never happen again. I'll never be that person again.I try to put one foot in front of the other I really do, but there is this heaviness. I thought about a medium but I'm so vulnerable right now it would be just my luck to get taken advantage of.

Well, I hope you are doing well. My therapist says at about year 4 the grief starts to walk beside you instead of you carrying it...I'm at 20 mos and I'm definately carrying it


At 8:45pm on February 1, 2011, Diane Hood said…
Hi mary ann I was just reading some of the comments on your page I have not had a dream with my Andy in it since his passing what about you do your son come to you in your dreams........ Maybe it's just to soon well keep in touch............Diane
At 11:14am on January 29, 2011, Diane Hood said…
I  got your message and thanks it's been almost two months since I lost my Andy he was 30, had a beautiful personality and loved his family he had 6 children three of which were step children and they loved him so much, I think of him when I first wake in the morning and I think of him before I close my eyes at night I just need to know will this hurt ever get better I'm sure it will never leave me, I miss his calls he would call me at least once or twice a week, and with me not living in the same city as him I think If I had been there he would not have did what he did, he shot himself but I guess that's the way it was meant to be............................
At 5:37pm on January 28, 2011, Jane said…

Hi Maryann,

My name is Jane and I just read your comment on Rondas page, Be patient the sign from Logan will come I know it will. I lost my son Kyle on June 20 2010 Kyles friends kept telling me about dreams they had and I was so Jealous. I needed to hear from Kyle BADLY. When Kyle was 17 years old Just out of the blue he told me "Mom, I know Im not going to live to be an old man. I have this feeling I will die young." Of course I was upset and asked why would he say such a thing he told me "I dont know I just feel it"  I told him "Kyle dont talk like that If anything ever happened to you it would destroy me" He then said " When I die IF there is a way, I will find it and let you know I', ok". Every night I prayed I would have a dream or some kind of sign from him Finally on the six month mark of his passing I had the dream.  I didn't remember it right away but when I did it hit me like a ton of bricks. In my dream Kyle and I were standing face to face, he put his arms around me and mine around him and we just sttod in silence and held each other. Im only 5'3" Kyle was 6'1" so he had a way of just engulfing me when he gave me a hug. Thats all that was it but it was such a comfort. There have been a few signs after through other ppl and little things that happen that make me wonder if its another sign from him.... It will come to you I am sure.

He is with you honey trust me. I know how hard this is. I have always considered myself a strong and independant woman, but losing Kyle knocked me down hard. its been a struggle every second of everyday. I remind myself of what Kyle would want for me and live for that. Hang in there girl you arenot alone. I am on facebook and my personal email is  would love to get to know you better.

Much love to you


At 8:58am on January 20, 2011, Susan - Donny's Mom said…

Sending my thoughts to you on the yr anniversary which is now Logan's Angel Birthday date. 

Everytime I see his smiling face I cannot believe how much he looks like the son of one of our dear friends.  And they came from MN.   They could almost be twins.

What a great smile Logan has....great looking son. 

I am so glad you did make that trip to Vietnam and shared such special time and memories with Logan. 

Again, my thoughts are with you and your family today.

Susan   Donny's Mom

At 1:16pm on January 14, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…
Hi Mary Ann,  Thank you for telling me the story of what happened to your son.  So often I read posts here and feel bad for the pain people are in, but don't know what happened to their child.  Not that it makes a difference...the pain of losing a child, no matter how old they are or the circumstances of their death, is the most horrible thing that can happen to a person.  My husband, daughter and I went to the national conference of Compassionate Friends last July, and I can't say enough good things about it.  Like you said, it helps to talk about your son and what an amazing young man he was.  I feel the same way about my son.  It's like our sons are right here with us when we're on this board because I'm looking at their photos as I write. How are you doing now that the holidays are over?  Sending hugs your way and hopes for a better day, Janet
At 6:38pm on January 1, 2011, valerie moore said…

dear macs,  i hope you had a nice evening out ... i had to work today so i was in bed quite early,  i normally am in bed around 7,  i take my sleeping meds and i just get away from pain and anguish.  yes, sometimes i think i cant make it,, or why would i want to.,it truly is a crappy life when you lose a child.  i definately would suspect that logan and dusty are having their way in heaven... at least we know they are safe.. hoping you had somewhat of a new year day... i just take 1 day at a time...

love you,,  your friend, valerie

At 1:00am on December 28, 2010, Ronda Johnston said…
Hello Mary Ann,  How are you? I just wanted to touch base with you & wondered how your doing?  How was your Holiday?  Mine... well  we didn't celebrate Christmas I did buy our daughter a couple gifts but no tree was up or not 1 decoration... I just couldn't do it this yr, it was very quiet, didn't go anywhere & no one came over, I even woke up at 12 noon on Christmas day.   So u said your not receiving any signs?  well I'm not either & I wish I would receive something, I do dream of Sean but would love signs also.  Let me know how your doing Mary Ann would love to hear from you, Take care.  Hugs to u,  God Bless.   Ronda

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