Christy's Comments

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At 8:55pm on June 10, 2011, Linda G. said…: Christy, People not in our "club" would say thank goodness it is Friday, but to me the weekend is just another day to try to get through. Even though your email is upsetting because Larry set it up, at least you have all those reminders.
It might not work, but when another collector calls you, just tell them there was not estate. That is what I did when my Mama died and the hospital and doctors called me. (I took care of their copays and stuff) The woman at the hospital told me she would take care of her bills and write them off and I never heard another word from them.
I agree Sept is the distant future when you are just living 1 day at a time. But I feel I need something as I sometimes just want to scream "what am I going to do with the rest of my life?" I have got to get up and do something.
I can't remember if I told you what I did with Neal's PJ's. I found a lady in Florida who makes Teddy Bears out of clothing. We emailed back and forth and I finally sent her 6 pair of Neal's PJ's, one for each of my sons and grandsons and one for me. She made the bears and sent them back to me. I am really pleased with them. She embroidered "POP" on the bottom of the bears foot and on his back she smbroidered his full name, DOB and DOD. Neal's birthday is this Sunday and I am going to give each of the boys a bear. I hope they like them. That is one thing I feel good about doing with his clothes. I have not touched any of his other things though.
How long does it take you to drive to Lake Norman? Maybe we could find a half way point between where you live and I live and meet sometime. Take care and maybe next week will be a better week for us. Hugs

At 8:43am on June 9, 2011, MaggieP said…: Thank you Christy!

I noticed that all of your messages to me say Request Sent! Does that mean that you have requested to be my friend and I am ignoring it? I looked for a request on my page, but don't see it. I see everybody on this site growing and changing. I try to look at things in a positive light because being negative can be damaging to me. When I am home alone at night, looking at my Dave's picture on the computer...looking right at me, I don't feel so positive. It makes me cry! I miss him so much! I cannot allow myself to wallow in self pity for very long. I do allow myself to cry, feel sorry for myself, feel alone, lost, and all the other feelings everyone here is feeling for a period of time, and then I try to do something positive to get back on track. I do manipulate the circumstances in a positive way, because it makes my life easier. We spend our whole life growing and changing. This change in my life forces me to become an independent person which means more growing and changing in a new direction. I would also gladly have remained ignorant of these new ways, but I, like you, had no choice. I guess the choice would have been made many many years before we got into a relationship with wonderful people. I believe that it is far better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. (Shakespeare?) Maggie

At 11:41pm on June 8, 2011, Deb said…: Christy, Yes, thank you - my birthday is this coming Saturday. It is just so very different to experience these "special days" without my guy! Seems that they are not as special anymore. Junior and I had always been close - it was so hard to watch him over the one-year period lose so much weight due to the cancer. He began at about 205 lbs. in April 2008, and weighed about 150 lbs. when he passed away in June 2009. Christy, I am so sorry for your loss - and even that it was an unexpected "accident". . I just cannot imagine your feelings! I know how I feel . . but thank God Junior and I had at least a month to sit/lie and talk about things--nothing was left unsaid! For that, I thank God every day!! I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. I would have had it no other way!! I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that your husband was younger (38 as opposed to 68) -- you two had so much to which to look forward!

Christy, I was told by one of my friends that God's plan is not always what we expect or want, and that other doors will open in our future. Stay strong, continue to believe in God's plan. It does take time, but do things in your time, Christy. No one knows how or what you are feeling unless they have walked in your shoes. Thank you for the birthday wishes. You don't know how much your kind words mean!! May God bless and keep you. I also hope that you are filled with God's peace and love . . it will get a little easier with time, hon. Again, thank you for your message. Keep in touch.

At 11:41pm on June 8, 2011, Deb said…: Christy, Yes, thank you - my birthday is this coming Saturday. It is just so very different to experience these "special days" without my guy! Seems that they are not as special anymore. Junior and I had always been close - it was so hard to watch him over the one-year period lose so much weight due to the cancer. He began at about 205 lbs. in April 2008, and weighed about 150 lbs. when he passed away in June 2009. Christy, I am so sorry for your loss - and even that it was an unexpected "accident". . I just cannot imagine your feelings! I know how I feel . . but thank God Junior and I had at least a month to sit/lie and talk about things--nothing was left unsaid! For that, I thank God every day!! I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. I would have had it no other way!! I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that your husband was younger (38 as opposed to 68) -- you two had so much to which to look forward!

Christy, I was told by one of my friends that God's plan is not always what we expect or want, and that other doors will open in our future. Stay strong, continue to believe in God's plan. It does take time, but do things in your time, Christy. No one knows how or what you are feeling unless they have walked in your shoes. Thank you for the birthday wishes. You don't know how much your kind words mean!! May God bless and keep you. I also hope that you are filled with God's peace and love . . it will get a little easier with time, hon. Again, thank you for your message. Keep in touch.

At 9:59pm on June 8, 2011, Deb said…: Hi Christy, Thank you so very much for your posts. I love your stories about your hubby loving to eat - just as did my Junior! I know that the children miss him, too. When I lost my Dad and my Mom, I thought there would not be a loss to compare to those. . .gees, was I wrong!! I have so missed my Junior and continue to do so...this is just a rough time of year for me. His birthday was 5/24 - he passed away on 6/20, and this year they are having a surprise birthday party for our son-in-law on 6/20!! My guy actually passed away on his birthday on Fathers' Day weekend. Please know that I keep you and your children in my prayers always. We are all still trying to absorb this new "normal" in our lives . . thank God He provides for us!! Take care!! Keep in touch!

At 9:03am on June 8, 2011, MaggieP said…: Christy, I am really enjoying being by myself. It is the first time in my life that I have been totally alone. I am discovering that it is ok to be alone. Of course, I would have prefered to have Dave by my side, but that is not possible. I am not looking, nor am I ready to have a relationship with another man. It would feel totally wrong.

Maggie

At 9:02pm on June 2, 2011, Sheryl McCormick said…: Thanks Christy - they prayers are very much appreciated. I am really asking God to do a miracle. I have to admit though that one of the first thoughts I had when Dave died suddenly was that he was there (in Heaven) to be part of Michaela's welcoming committee. She loved her Papa Dave and he loved her too. I hope God will strengthen and heal her though!

At 8:40pm on June 1, 2011, Sheryl McCormick said…: PS my daughter in law's name is Michelle not Michael :-)

At 8:39pm on June 1, 2011, Sheryl McCormick said…: Thanks for praying for Michaela - she came home yesterday with a stomach feeding tube. The doctors told my son Dave and daughter in law Michael that she is going to continue to have problems with pneumonia resurfacing and have re-admissions to the hopsital. They said soon they wll need to do a tracheotomy and have her on a vent 24 hours a day. This is heartbreaking and very difficult to deal with since my husband died only 6 months ago. I don't understand a lot of this stuff but know I must continue to trust God even though it doesn't seem fair or make sense. I know you can understand and likely do the same.

Sheryl

At 11:19am on May 27, 2011, Linda G. said…: Hey Christy, As far as I know I will be home this weekend. I really don't have any plans as of now. The kids have not said anything so I suggest anything as I am not good company. I too am a spur of the moment person. If you get to your brothers this weekend let me know and if you can we'll meet somewhere. I guess I am lucky that I don't have an outside job that I have to go to everyday. I just work from my home. I don't think I could go to a job everyday as I am the same as you, having to fight to just get out of bed and get dressed. I hope since your post to me you have had better days. I will keep a better check on our post to see what your plans are for this weekend. Hugs, Linda

At 5:59am on May 26, 2011, Cynthia Clements said…: Hi Christy, I am doing ok. I went with my Mother in law last month to the accident site. It was hard to be there knowing that Gene died there. We have been selling ducks for the Gene Clements Memorial Lucky Ducky Derby. It is going well we have raised over $5000. dollars so far and still have one more day st sell ducks before the race Sat. I am praying for you and will be sure to let you know when I come through there. I will be comming through in June sometime. Hope things are better for you. It has been 7 months and its still just as bad as when I found out about Gene. I don't think it will ever get any better. Hugs and Prayers to you.

At 1:25am on May 21, 2011, Carol Kayser said…: Christy, thanks so much for your kind words, they mean so much to me. I am breathing in the good right now! I am practicing to relax, one small step at a time. My daughters and I are going on a short trip next week which I am looking forward to, just having some downtime with them without the complications of my emotions, just the fun ones! You are so intuitive Christy, I think the surgery sent my emotions into overload, I really just wanted to be with my husband.

I can see you getting stronger you know, I know that your faith and your strength will give you courage to keep moving ahead.

I am blessed to know you, if even from afar.

Hugs,

Carol

At 12:13am on May 20, 2011, Carol Kayser said…: Hi Christy, just reading all these posts and oh my, sorry you were in the hospital, I hope you are on the road to recovery. I was just at my first session of bereavement group this evening, not sure if it is right for me, but will see. However the other two ladies there, interestingly, each said things you have talked about in your recent post! One said "it sucks" to be alone, and the other said she felt like your description of being a zombie...just going thru the motions and "why am I still here"? We talked about things people say and how hurtful they can be, whether they meant it or not.

I was in hospital too for some long awaited surgery, still home recouperating. I think it heightened my anxiety because I sure haven't been doing well with my relationships with my kids, apparently I am creating anxiety for my daughter who is expecting, I don't mean to but somehow I am having feelings of being anxious about this birth of my grandchild and what it represents. My daughter keeps saying the little one will fill the huge gap from losing her dad, such expectations placed on this little one. I know my life will change again, maybe I am scared.

Just so many feelings and emotions and as you say, losing half of ourselves, literally! Never to be replaced in our hearts and in our souls, and who can understand that kind of loss unless they have experienced it. Not that we wish that on another person, but

sometimes unless a person has walked in those shoes they have no way of comprehending.

I really hope you are feeling better Christy ~

God Bless,

Carol

At 9:08pm on May 19, 2011, Sheryl McCormick said…: I was reading some of the posts to you and noticed you had been in the hospital - are you doing better now? I'll be praying for you too.

At 9:05pm on May 19, 2011, Sheryl McCormick said…: Thank you Christy - I really appreciate you! You always say the right thing to encourage me. It has been terribly painful to watch Michaela suffer and I know my son and daughter in law are exhausted emotionally and physically. I am trying to help as much as I can with their older two children and going back and forth to Ann Arbor (UOM) as much as possible to see my grand-daughter. Your prayers are needed and appreciated. We need them that is for sure. Sometimes I feel abandoned and so alone with all of this pain yet I know in my head God is there and cares - my heart is broken though.

At 9:50am on May 11, 2011, Linda G. said…: Christy I am so sorry you had a terrible day on Mother's Day. Sometimes kids just don't think. That's no excuse, but at least they came in the evening to celebrate the day. I did not know you had been in the hospital. Hope you are well now. Sorry I did not know about. Being alone sucks! Both of my kids are grown and out on their own with their families, so I am here all alone. But I really don't think I could deal with it if I had children at home to take care of. I can barely take care of myself now, so I don't know what I would do if I had children to take care of at home. I admire all of you who have children to take care of during this terrible, terrible time we are in. Neal and I had 40 years and 8 months together. I am sorry you only had 8 years with your love. But I think that it doesn't matter how many years you had together, whether it be 1 year of 50 years, it your spouse was the love of your life and the only one for you, no amount of years together would have been enough. I tried the other day to think of things I have to be thankful for and one of them was that I had the 40 years with Neal. But somehow it did not make me happy, because I wanted more years with him. You and all the people here are always in my prayers. Hugs!

At 8:27am on May 9, 2011, Linda G. said…: Christy, I hope you also had a Happy Mother's Day. Yes I did see both of my sons and the 3 grandsons. It was a nice day, as I tried all day to keep thinking about how lucky Neal and I are to have had such wonderful sons. I know I had a part in making them as good as they are, but I also know that they mirrow their Daddy in what he taught them. Not by telling them things, but by his actions. They both do some of the same things for their spouses that Neal always did for me. I am very proud of both of them.

I thought about my mother in law yesterday. I wondered if she even thought that she was missing one of her children. Probably not. As long as she was the center of attention yesterday would have been all she cared about. I always used to get a card, have Neal sign it and send it to her on Mother's day, but last year was the last time I ever have to do that again and I will not waste anymore thought on her.

I have been having some really bad days. There for a while I had not cried a lot. I figured the medication I am on was keeping me from crying. But here lately I cry at everything again. It is like I am starting over 6 months ago. Maybe that is how grief works, back and forth. I have quit pretending that Neal is just gone somewhere and coming back home. Maybe reality has set in and that is why I feel so bad. I know it is permanent. I keep trying to think about the good things, like I was lucky to have had over 40 years with the love of my life when lots of people never have that. We had 2 wonderful sons together, we love each other dearly and were just meant for each other. But those things don't help when I miss him so much. I go back to the doctor tomorrow and I will see if this is normal or if he needs to change my medication. I really do appreciate you commenting on my post as it helps and makes my post more personal.

Hope you have a good day and look forward to seeing you if you get up this way. HUGS

At 9:43am on May 6, 2011, Kathy King Kates said…: Christy, its still not letting me send private inbox messages to anyone here on Legacy. Do you have facebook or a regular e-mail i can send too? It lets me receive to my inbox so feel free to send the info there, I just can't answer there. So strange. I will try to report and see if they can fix the problem.. Just don't want to write some stuff for everyone so this is so weird. Hope you are feeling better.

At 6:47pm on May 4, 2011, Kathy King Kates said…: Oh Christy, so sorry about your injury. Wow I can't believe it. So much STUFF. I am glad you are healing and will keep you in prayer. I don't know if you saw but I lost an aunt & cousin over in the Alabama disaster last week. We are driving to PA Friday to see my brother and then will be driving back to Alabama next weekend for the memorial for my aunt & cousin. It will be so hard returning there after all with my dad and stuff. They are at the same funeral home. Hardest is this aunt was with me every day that last week of my dad's life and with us at the funeral and all. It is hard knowing now she and her baby son (same age and friend of my baby brother who has pancreatic cancer) are now with dad. Their home was flattened as most of Sand Mountain where they lived. I will again be thinking of you as we drive thru Covington. Take care. Hugs

At 12:54pm on April 28, 2011, Carol Kayser said…: Hello Christy, I have just read your post about new relationships in response to others. Each person is different yes, but it is hard to understand sometimes, that some people need to be with someone very soon after their spouse is gone. I will always remember this quite older couple who lived next door to my parents as I was growing up. She was so sweet and passed away very quickly. She always doted on her husband and could be seen running all over the place. He was very quiet and didn't quite have her pace. Well it would have made your head spin how quickly he

remarried! It was quite shocking. He married a single friends of both theirs. He just couldn't function at all by himself. I have always thought men would get remarried very quickly, more so than women. My hubby Jack and I actually talked about this...well he more than me, he would say, "you should get married again, any guy would be lucky to have you"! To that I would say, "hush", "don't say that"! Then we would laugh. My mother-in-law lives in California in a mobile home park, she is a widow, and there are so many women in the park alone, very few men. Sometimes though, people remarry very quickly too because in their previous relationships were caregivers and they just want someone to take care of, and each other. The people in the park are quite used to that! But for younger people, wow, that is so hard Christy. I think that as others have said, to trust in God that if someone were to come into one's life, you would know in your 'heart of hearts' that it was right and good. The love that we have experienced can never be transcended, just different in a new time and place, if that were the case.

God Bless,

Carol