Hi Renee,

Thank you for the friend request. I lost my son Kyle June 20 2010 the day afterNatashas passing. I am so sorry to you for haveing to suffer twice. This site has been a tremendous sorce of comfort. We all know what each other is feeling and we all understand and support one another. My heart goes out to you and the rest of your family. My son was almost a father, his girlfriend suffered a miscarriage, My son was devastated he wanted to be the father he never had. I know how hard it is to try to find positive things in the middle of grief but you will always have a piece of him in your grand daughter.

I still long to see my kyle, this has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. Kyles 20th birthday will be March 19, then of course the one year anniversary of his passing in June.  I wanted to die with him, I truley didn't think I could survive wthout him. We find the way somehow. I do everything I can to keep his memory going. I vow he will never be forgotten. Im planning a memorial on the one yr mark. Im donating a wooden bench to the highschool he attended (He was one week shy of graduation)  he is next to a park where he had his favorite hang out spot. I choose wood so his frineds could carve in the bench if they wanted too.

Kyle does not have any marker of any kind as I had him creamated and I keep him home with me. I couldnt bare to put him in the ground. so this gives his friends a place to go and remember him. It really helps me.

Thank you again to requesting my friendship and I look forward to getting to know you.

My much love and comfort to you Renee

Jane

Renee:

I truly understand your loss my father passed away augut 8th 2010 and my son was killed in an auto accident november 19, 2010 my father was expected but to have 2 at such a short period of time does take a toll on anyone.  This site has really helped me alot and Im sure it will help you also

Terri  Jonathan's mom

im so sorry to hear about your both loses. i lost my daughter on november 23, 2005 and my dad on dec. 23, 2005. it doesnt get any easier, everything especially holidays and birthdays. i miss them both as you do. please continue to contact me.

karen

I am glad to be your friend.  I wish that there was something I could really do other than tell you how truly sorry I am. 

It will be two years for us on Jan 16.  It makes me so sad that I cannot stop crying.  Our son should be here with us. . .

I hope you have some good friends nearby.  I use the word "friend" so carefully now.  I hope you have some good friends to support you and make you feel safe.

There are so many truly special people here who can put wisdom into their writing.  I wish i could be like them.

Just remember how many people care.

Phils Mamma

Diane Dillon in NC

Dear Renee,

I do not write often but wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am.  The loss of "2". . .There are no words that I can say.  I know how hard Christmas was. ..and to think that this is how it will be forever. . .that there is nothing I can ever do.  Please know again that there are so many dear people here that truly care.

I certainly care.

Phils Mamma in NC

Diane Dillon

Thank you Renee for thinking of me today.  We just got home from a full xmas day with family and friends.  We have been blessed with a big strong family and many friends that have been by my side for the last two weeks knowing how this xmas would be hard.  But we survived and at the table blessing my husband had the strength to talk about my Donny, I so wish I could have but I cannot stop the tears....I was so glad he did and we remembered all our people who left us even before Donny.  he has a full family with him where ever he is now.  His oldest daughter was with us all day and tomorrow the younger sisters fly in from Idaho for a week so I am really looking forward to seeing them again.  They left in July and this is the longest I have ever gone without seeing and being with them.

Thanks again for your kind words.....makes my stomach just turn every time I see that word, "methadone"....so many young lives stolen by that dangerous powerful illegal drug.....so sad.

Hugs to you and your family too.

Dear Renee

I am so sorry for both of your losses, I can not even imagine the pain, I only know the pain of losing my son last year.  I know and understand how hard it is to pretend your going to be okay because in the real world we are not.  I have turned my life to god, and maybe if I would of done so a long time ago I might still have my son, my prayers go out to you, I too have a grandson, who I see my son in him everyday its bitter sweet, he is my world, I live for him and god.  This is all still fresh, and it will take a long time before you even start to heal, but what I have learned is this what my son would want for me to unhappy everyday, the pain will always be there, but be kind to yourself, no one will ever understand the pain, we are in a different world.  My mom told me I might never be okay, and I am okay with that, but everything I try to do or accomplish is in memory of my son, a fund raiser which I haven't done, my grandson's BMX team, I try to take something from my son and use it to keep his memory alive.  Its okay to cry and its okay to feel the way you do, but be kind to yourself, we will see them in heaven and that is what I look forward to.

karen

As Parents...WE...hold the "bag of life" of all that is, it is handed down from generation to generation...we teach to our children what we have been taught...Love, righteousness, sound foundation, gods teachings, and, sadly, but rightly so...we hold the bag of our families mis-fortunes...for our loved ones...sorting it out...the latter...is sometimes, and especially now, is the most absolute hardest thing imaginable, to lose your child...it is...to-say-the least...too heavy to bear, there are no words that I can say to describe my loss...but I would not place that "bag" with anybody else...trying to make sense of it...would, and is...driving me to utter destruction...hence, I just pray to my god...and have to try to believe he has the blueprint that makes it all make some kind of sense...accountability...is just...  

Dear Renee, what an unfortunate loss for both of your young people.  They are beautiful together in that picture.  I too lost my son to an accidental OD.  He was on strong pain pills from a broken neck 10 years prior, then a Dr. prescribed anti depression pills as he was going through a mean, nasty divorce.

Then somehow methadone also got mixed together.  We all don't know where the methadone came from but probably from a "friend" which is so sad.  He also went to sleep on Christmas Eve 2009 and never worke up.  He left 3 young teenage daughters and a huge loving family.  Our family is devasted and still working towards some kind of recovery.  And I too feel the pain, anger and every other negative emotion.  This should not have happened to your family or mine.  All preventable and so sad.

At least we have this website to share feelings and know that other families know the pain we re all going through.  Again, my sympathy goes out from my heart to your heart.

Rene,

I want to say my heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your loss, we all understand your pain, it is so hard, you can always come here and write what ever you need to,, you don't have to put a front, if you are sad mad or want to talk about good memories we are here day and night, I lost my 18 daughter 3 years ago when she slip and drownedva bath tub, and I just stop pretending she was in collage.

How old were they? They are a very cute couple, could you tell me a little about them? Are you going to take care of her daughter? I was not able to take care of my other daughters children she lost it, and was put away for two years when her sister died, so my grand kids had to go up north. again you can talk to us day and night, try to stay strong for your grandaughter, hugs Melissa

Renee I am here for you to cry with. the tears just pour as we think about this horrible tragedy. I am not good most of the time but i have to function and go on with life. He My Morgan would want that as he would go on with life if i had passed. Passing is the saddest thing on this earth and you and I are in this together. though we would rather it be someone else. there was so much life in my son. if i could gather that life and incorporate it into me i would let him live till i am gone. i am very sad and very lonely and very sad without his (mom) you know how they say it.. life is not the same nor ever will be you and i know that.. take care and we can write though sometimes there is hardly anything to say we can still write. carrie L

Hello Renee, I'm sorry I didn't read your blog quite right... I didn't know your son's girlfriend passed, omg I'm so sorry.   Do u have custody of Rainy??  I have been feeling heartache since my son passed june14th this yr it's been a HORRIFYING 6  months, I feel like I'm living a NIGHTMARE, MY LIFE HAS CHANGED & I KNOW I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN.   I just can't believe my son is gone, My son's death was accidental also, we haven't even gotten his autopsy or death certificate yet, but were heard from the guy Sean was with,  he told us  they wanted to get high & took a couple different pills & a few of them & my son passed out & never woke up again, The guy told us Sean aspirated.... My baby is gone.   I know we all are hurting & I pray every night for all of us to get just a lil stronger every day.   Please Renee write anytime, please tell me a lil about Donovan & I will do the same. bye for now your friend Ronda

Dear Renee - My heart goes out to you on the loss of both your son and daughter-in-law.  They were both beautiful.  I lost my son at age 24 on January 26th.  He died from diflouroethane toxicity from huffing computer duster.  I was the one who found him.  He was my only child.  I cannot believe how many drug and alcohol related deaths I read on here every day for beautiful people in their 20's and 30's.  Tyler never had a drug problem before this.  None of his friends did drugs.  I think that's why he used what he did .  I know Tyler would never ever want to leave us and his friends and girlfriend.  But one mistake and there is no going back.  Yes, there are so many emotions that swirl around us at this time.  I feel like they never stop.  That isn't counting the brutal pain we feel every minute.  But I am so happy that you have a grandchild to hold on to.  We have nothing.  Keep in touch.

JoAnn

Always Tyler's Mother

Dear renee, I truly am so sorry for all the pain you must be going through. What a tremendous loss you have.  What a handsome fun loving young man Donovan looks like.  My Logan was also a fun loving guy, always wanted to make sure everyone was having a good time. He was smart, witty and would light up the room whenever he walked in. Logan too had addicitions that he was fighting to overcome but it had such a strong hold on him.  He just got a new job in Siagon, Vietnam where he was living for a little over a year. He told the staff he was going to whoop it up one last time before buckleing down to the new job. When he didn't show up tp work, they found him in his hotel room. My husband and I had just taken my mothers cremains down to TX to be buried next to my father, we returned on Oct. 25 and on Oct. 27 we got the phone call from the embassy that our Logan had passed away on the 26th. It has only been about 6 weeks but it seems like it was just yesterday. We are here to comfort each other, to help each other struggle through this horrible nightmare. It has helped me and I want to help anyone by just being here for them and listening to them. Please tell me more about your son and Natasha and there little daughter. Logan was my only child, I hate the thought that I will never become a grandmother, somethings are just not meant to be.  Big hugs sent your way, Macs