Judy's Comments

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At 7:15pm on July 9, 2011, Gerry Fiden said…: My Dear Friend Judy,

I hope this finds you well and in a better place.

We received news the other day that Robert Jones accepted a plea deal.

Sentencing will be on July 28th. I have mixed feelings about the deal. He had a choice of 15 years in prison and 10 probation or 10 in prison and 15 probation. He choose the later of the two. It was noted if he so much as crosses the street wrong he is back in prison to serve the term.

I will rest easier after I hear the judge say the words and he is behind bars.

We wil be able to face him and tell him how we feel. This will be the second hardest thing I will have to do..the first was burying my son.

Let me know how yoiu are ...you are as always in my prayers.

Gerry

At 11:58pm on April 9, 2011, Bethany said…: Hello Judy, I have to tell you Compassionate friends is a support group specifically for grieving parents. It is an emotional group, while we are grieving our own children, I listen to the stories of their children and I cant help but grieve for them too. The stories and pain are so intense, how can I not go and support them in their time of grieving as well. It feels very strangly comforting in a way knowing I am not the only person who has lost a child....but I feel that I bring a possitive to the group. I deeply believe in my Lord and the Trinity. I always try to add this to my sharing during the group. It is not religiously based, but I feel maybe others may feel as though their children have made there way into Gods arms. I also like to pray for each and every child and family as I listen to there stories. I pray for peace and Goids love to ascend on them all....as I do for the ppl of this website and our children... God Bless you and peace to your family

At 12:29am on April 9, 2011, Bethany said…: Hello Judy,

Is'nt t funny how so many of us feel our children? I think of an invisible umbilical cord that connects our spirits. We will always be connected to our wonderful children. I used to scratch Marks back too. He loved it. Mamas boy for sure! Somedays I feel angry, I was venting my anger....Somedays I just miss him and am sad...I slip in and out of depressions. I never ever experienced depression until now.... It does not leave. Some days are worse than others.. I find though I do not wish to keep the same company. My tatse in friends has changed. I want fellowship with others who are on same level as I am. Losing a child puts us in a different pace, category, frame of mind. And only others like us can understand this.. Thank you for you kind words... Peace be with you , and Gods blessings upon your family..

Bethany

At 6:23pm on April 8, 2011, Carrie L said…: Hi Judy Yes i guess i am alive that is about all. IT is haunting and very disturbing and most of all very very sad. where do you live we are in KY it is very lonely. I am very sad had a major break down a few days ago he asked what was wrong i didn't even answer... it is horrendous i am so sorry for our loss... our beautiful boys forever. love to you carrie

At 9:08am on December 19, 2010, Carrie L said…: Judy thanks for writing I believe you are right whether that choice will end living for us or the choice to go on. there are some people like yourself who it has been a few years and still the grief and sadness are horific just like mine the constant what ifs whishes.... wants... there is so much to say but yet not much to say either. how can we change this we cannot. but somehow just the sadness shared helps a tiny bit. Carrie L

At 5:46pm on December 14, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi judy thanks for writing this site is of some help but i don't feel like people write back a lot of times. it is sad to read all the stories and some don't have stories or they have been deleted.. but you know why we all are here. as we approach your bad and good dates i wish you peace and love like the christmas songs... i feel for all of us and wish none of us could feel this pain. it is not a good thing but it has happened to us and our children. my friend told me if i think that i am going to be sad forever i will be and i agree but he has no idea what i am going through that is why this site is so nice we know all of us has that idea what the rest of us are going through. love to you and your family happy holidays as happy as possible without our beautiful sons... love to us and to them they deserved more time. and so did we.. carrie L

At 7:45am on December 7, 2010, Carrie L said…: Judy hello i am here with you sorry for both of us. don't have a lot to say this morning but the thoughts are there all the time and my life is at a standstill also. i was having my own problems before this happened and do feel a lot of guilt. i think it is normal for we think we have forever. take care thinking of all of us and our beautiful children. wish we had a memorial. wondering what to do on the anniversary. i am thinking going to church then to his best friends.. i really don't want to believe it but it is true carrie alL

At 7:30am on December 7, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi Judy just wanted you to know another of us is here. I am on this site and my friend asked is that helping you. and i cry. they haven't a clue as to how we feel. and yes it helps it is constructive grieving. if there is such a thing of course it hurts to write and to read but it is not blank like all our other grieving when we see all the people who remind us of our loved one. constantly. this is concrete.. we have lost our loved one here and we feel this horrific pain and all the thoughts our mind takes us to.. well i want you to know you are not alone and i feel not alone here. but very alone elsewhere... carrie L

At 6:48pm on November 1, 2010, Lisa Halsey said…: It will be Nov. 16th it will be 2yrs since he has been gone. And I know i will be very hard for me and my family. my family is in CA so they R not here my inlaws feel like i should get over it my husband and i went off on them and i said when u lose a child then U can tell me something see my boys are their step grandchildren i said if you lost your real granchildren they have 2 it would be a whole differint story i see were we stand. They also told me that every time i go to Daniels grave he not there he is every where i said i don't care he doesn't even have a headstone yet i also told them i should of shiped him off to CA with his real family is mine so i have no more resect for them at all my husband is on my side to my husband those are his kids. so we have been fighting with them for the last 2 yrs I know my son is angry at them for saying these things to us I just want to cry because my son was always there for them thanks for listing to me lets keep in touch Lisa Daniels mom here what my beautiful son looks like

At 6:48pm on November 1, 2010, Lisa Halsey said…: It will be Nov. 16th it will be 2yrs since he has been gone. And I know i will be very hard for me and my family. my family is in CA so they R not here my inlaws feel like i should get over it my husband and i went off on them and i said when u lose a child then U can tell me something see my boys are their step grandchildren i said if you lost your real granchildren they have 2 it would be a whole differint story i see were we stand. They also told me that every time i go to Daniels grave he not there he is every where i said i don't care he doesn't even have a headstone yet i also told them i should of shiped him off to CA with his real family is mine so i have no more resect for them at all my husband is on my side to my husband those are his kids. so we have been fighting with them for the last 2 yrs I know my son is angry at them for saying these things to us I just want to cry because my son was always there for them thanks for listing to me lets keep in touch Lisa Daniels mom here what my beautiful son looks like

At 11:31pm on October 21, 2010, Gerry Fiden said…: Judy,

As I'm sure you know, my son was also killed by a drunk driver. The man who killed Ric also said he was not driving the car, even though there were witnesses. Apparently this is common procedure. So sad that the families who lost their children are victimized, not horrible enough to have lost our children, now we suffer through this. My heart goes out to you. I was told it could take as long as 4 years for my sons case to go to trial, that was at least 3 months ago. I have gotten no response sense then. they are prolonging the trial I feel because hr will get 4 years anyway because of Leandras Law . Let's talk further.
Take care,
Gerry

At 7:13pm on October 20, 2010, angela said…: HELLO jUDY SORRY IT HAS TAKEN SO LONG TO WRITE BACK IN A STATE OF LOST IN WHAT REAL AND WHATS NOT. Im back for how long i dont know summer was so hard on me i slept alot and just woke up and its oct omg im a sick person that cant get over losing her chld

At 9:38pm on July 14, 2010, Melissa said…: Judy, Thanks so much for your reply to my initial "blog". My computer does not seem to want to cooperate this evening. I would like to contact you tomorrow if possible. Thanks so much. Melissa

At 9:01pm on July 14, 2010, Melissa said…: Dear Judy, Unbelievably, you are the first person to encourage me to talk about my grief. My doctors have wanted me to, of course, but counselors are few and far between. This week has been a little difficult for me as my oldest granddaughter would have been 13 on Friday. Thank you so much for caring enough to reply to my initial "blog". Sincerely, Melissa

At 3:02pm on May 11, 2010, Judy said…: Hi Gerry,
Funny thing is, I think the boy does have remorse, but he's in such denial about what happened and can't admit that he's the cause of my son's death. Worse for him in the long run, because if he doesn't deal with it honestly he will never have a chance for a decent life. I'm sorry to hear you won't be going to FL, I know how disappointed you must be. In the absence of being able to attend a grief meeting, this site is probably the next best thing, and I'm here anytime you want to talk/write. I tried some Griefshare meetings, but found I wasn't quite ready for the rawness of my emotions with others. I just received four new books that I ordered off Amazon, and I'm hoping they'll help. Hopefully one of them will help me figure out how I can possibly move on from this, and live a happy, healthy life. It still is too much to imagine at this point. It's wonderful that you feel your son's presence with you constantly. I feel Jack, too, when I'm open to it so maybe I still resist it because this is not the way I want it to be. I'll pray to be more open to God's light and to Jack's light. And I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Gerry. Take care. Judy

At 10:18pm on May 10, 2010, Gerry Fiden said…: Judy,

Glad to hear you hired an attorney,at least if nothing else,you will be in the loop. So sad that this boy has no remorse,sadder that the court process takes so long.If prayers were all we needed to see justice served this would be over for both our families.
I still struggle to get the courts advocate to keep me informed about the hearings. So tired,disgusted and want to scream. As I told them just a quick e-mail to say nothing happened, and another hearing was scheduled is better than just nothing.

Every day is a challenge and I still feel so helpless. Because of circumstances at work I have not been to a grief support meeting in several months,and I really need to attend one every so often. It helps to be able to let these feelings out,cry, and talk to others who understand how I feel.
My son is with me every moment of every day,that much I am sure of,otherwise I would not be able to get through another day. Will not be going to Fl. this month and can't even talk about it,just so many ups and downs and disappointments.

Love and hugs,
Gerry

At 10:32pm on May 8, 2010, Gerry Fiden said…: Hello my friend,
Hope you are doing well. Anything new with your sons case? Nothing here on my end. Just doing my best to get through tomorrow. I am working so for part of the day I will have to keep it together. All I really want to do is stay home and cry,but I promised my son a smile tomorrow,because I know he would want that.

God bless you Judy..take care
Gerry

At 1:51pm on May 5, 2010, Mae Walker said…: Hi Judy, thank you for sharing your story with me. Tim was my only son and only child. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I have ask God many times, why not me instead of Tim. Tim was stuck and killed by lightning which God controls. He was in his own back yard after taking off for a day because he had been working so hard. He died at 2:50 on June 8, 2004. I got the message on my phone when I got home from work at 5:30. I am still so angry that Tim is gone. Sometimes I wonder why God takes the good ones and leaves the bad ones behind. Mother's Day is coming up and I know that it is a bad day for both of us. I can't go to church because all I do is cry and I don't like other people to see me cry. I will go to the beach where we spread his ashes a year after he died. At least there, I feel a little closer to him. Please take care of yourself and know that you are in my prayers. Not sure that God is listening to me because of me still being angry at him, but I do talk with him daily.

At 6:44pm on April 12, 2010, Joy Stahl said…: Our son died 4 years ago on Feb.12 2006.He was 30 years old,but he had a birthday on the 23rd.He is 35 now.He will always be young and handsome.Miss him so much!!!!! We will never get ove rthe grief,but we are learning to live with it.Thanks for asking.

At 5:35pm on April 6, 2010, Joy Stahl said…: Thank you for the poem,my son was also killed in a car accident.he also is never gone from our thoughts.