Donna Padilla's Comments

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At 12:38pm on September 14, 2017, denise said…
Hello Donna
I'm Denise. I have suffered loss of a loved on due to a tragedy. It's been difficult but time. Real friends. Coping skills have helped m so much
At 5:38am on April 18, 2012, Suzanne Sellier said…

I don't know you Donna, but Margo (bless her heart) referred me to your page. The 2 suicides in my family have become secondary to the loss of the rest of my family. Where we used to be close, communication with my mother is now limited to the weather, and my 4 surviving older brothers simply have never talked about anything deep. Everyone acts like this is a cold we must get over. Carol was my only sister, my Big sister. She was bipolar depressive and she struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. She was sober for many years, actively involved in AA. Overall she was brilliant, fun, extremely funny, and much loved by many. But she succumbed to her demons in the end. My father,who was her ally, also struggled with addiction, he committed suicide 3 years ago. Now I have lost my father, and my sister, my confidante. I live outside Paris (France), 10,000 miles from home. My mother (79) and I have come to loggerheads over my desire we share information. Not only does she not share, but I get the impression she has made a pact wit hmy bros. not to tell me anything. I know this because mom and my brother called my best friend, told her things, and swore her to secrecy. I wanted us to draw together and support one another but now I have been completely alienated. Decisions are being made, Carol's belongings given away to strangers (mom gave Carol's ashes to her roomate 3 states away, without telling anyone). In all, I realize I have lost my whole family in one go. Where my relationship with Carol was unique and special, I am now being treated as a nosy, hysterical woman. How does one cope?

At 3:54am on December 24, 2011, Margo powell said…
Hi Donna, Just wanted to commend you on your site. It has brought many good people together to support and comfort one another.

If anything really positive comes out of losing a loved to suicide it seems to be a much stronger faith in God. A common thread I recognize in the postings is the sense that we are incapable to handle such losses without God. Fortunately, we can always depend on Him to carry us when our own
strength fails us. Never did we imagine anything could be so painful. The refiners fire is hot but produces something of great beauty in the end. I see each of the people posting to your site as really beautiful souls that are surviving life's greatest challenges. It sounds like you are strong and have come through this last year with a renewed perspective we can all glean from Blessings to you, Donna and each of the wonderful souls who visit this site. Wishing you all a peaceful, meaningful Christmas. Christ died that man might live and have everlasting life. What wonderful knowledge to possess!! Glory Hallelujah! Much Love and Aloha, Margo
At 12:47pm on December 20, 2011, Jan Jefferson said…

Hi Donna, thanks for the invite...I'de like to send you comfort throughout your days on this horrific journey we all travel...God Grant Us Peace...

At 11:49pm on July 21, 2011, Dianne said…
To those of you who have lost loved ones to suicide and blame yourself.  I was 15 years old when I lost my father to suicide.  I was suppose to enjoy life that week, because it was going to be my Sweet 16 birthday that Friday.  Well, it was the Monday after Easter.  My birthday was going to be that coming Friday.  I couldn't wait. I woke up on Monday and all I could hear was arguing between my mother and dad. I was scared to say anything, thinking that if I keep my mouth shut things would become quiet.  But it did not, so as I walked in the living room, I saw a gun and my mother holding on to the gun and my father trying to get it from her.  As my mother kept refusing to give it to him, I hollered out loud for her to give him the gun.  I was tired of the hollering, so I figured what I said the arguing would stop.  But as my mother eased her grip off the gun, my father snatched it up and went out the door.  I watched him as he went into the backyard and load the gun and pull the trigger.  Why didn't I stop him by banging on the window or hollering out like I did at the living room table.  But I didn't.  It's March 31, the Friday after Easter Sunday and it's my birthday.  I was supposed to feel like Sweet 16, but yet I was feeling like "DIRT" going to my father's funeral on my birthday, when I was supposed to be Sweet 16.  To all of you who feel like you're still blaming yourself after one year, 10 years, 16 years, -- well here's a girl that blamed herself from the age of 15 to her 50's.  And in between that time when I was 47 years old, my mother died and there went another "It's my fault" "I blame myself" behavior on top of my guilt over my father.  So I was a complete mess.  But it wasn't until I gave it to God that the guilt and shame left and I came into the understanding of God's incredible love for me, that there was no blame or guilt on my part.  And there's no guilt on your part either. Trust God and Hold on.
At 1:41pm on June 10, 2011, Kate Forsman said…
New to this group. Just want to say hi for now
At 1:41pm on June 10, 2011, Kate Forsman said…
New to this group. Just want to say hi for now
At 6:46pm on May 27, 2011, geri wise said…
My grand daughter shot her self at the age of 17. Its almost been 2 months and it feels like yesterday. I brought her home from the hospital. She was our world and now we are empty.Why did she do it? there were notes but they have not returned them to us or her cell phone.
At 6:46pm on May 27, 2011, geri wise said…
My grand daughter shot her self at the age of 17. Its almost been 2 months and it feels like yesterday. I brought her home from the hospital. She was our world and now we are empty.Why did she do it? there were notes but they have not returned them to us or her cell phone.
At 8:30pm on July 28, 2010, Teri Wilkinson said…
My husband took his life 3 months after we were married. Our 1st anniv. is coming on Aug. 1. I am so alone and have not accepted the fact that he is gone. I love him so much and miss him more and more everyday. We have a 6yr old little girl. She is his world. I have a hard time trying to understand how he could leave the 2 of us. I know he has been strugleing with depression due to being ill. I found out after the fact that he was not ill at all. I am so angry. But not at him. I don't feel anything but hurt and love toward my husband. I don't know how to deal with this and I have no one to talk to..I am so lost and don't think I will ever find my-self again.
At 10:11pm on June 16, 2010, Dawn said…
I can't do this, it hurts too bad.
At 5:20pm on May 9, 2010, Macky Smith said…
I READ THESE STORIES AND WANT TO ASK "WHY?" I ONLY KNOW THE DATE MY SON ENDED HIS LIFE-DECEMBER 29, 2008. NOBODY EVEN TOLD ME THAT HE WAS MISSING, THEN ACUSED ME OF NOT TAKING TIME OUT OF MY BUSY LIFE TO LOOK FOR HIM. ONE OF HIS COUSINS LITERALLY STOLE HIS COLLECTIONS, FROM THE CHURCH, AND A STORE HE LIKED TO SHOP AT. I DID GET THE THE MONEY FROM HIS FRIENDS AT THE LAKE HE LOVED TO BE AT. SHE TOOK THE FLOWERS AND WHEN I CALLED OR THE CARDS--SO WE COULD SEND THANK YOU NOTES--SHE CALLED THE STATE POLICE AND REPORTED ME AS HARRESSING HER. I WOULD HAVE MADE COPIES. I GOT A FLOWER. AT THE FUNERAL HOME (SHE WASN'T INVITED) SHE WAS TRYING TO LIST WHO HE WAS PRECEDED IN DEATH BY--SHE DIDN'T KNOW MY MOM AND DAD'S NAME--THAT IS WHEN I FIGURE OUT THEY WEREN'T GOING TO BE LISTED. I DIDN'T LOOSE MY COOL,BU MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE. I AM SO THANKFUL I FOUND YOU ALL! IT HELPS TO TALK ABOUT MIKE, IT SEEMS LIKE PEOPLE GET TIRED OF IT. I HAVE BEEN TOLD, MORE THAN ONCE TO "GET OVER IT"! UNTIL THEY HAVE WALKED IN OUR SHOES--THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS LIKE AND HOW BAD IT HURTS! WHEN MY DAYS GET REALLY BAD--I LISTEN TO COUNTRY GOSPEL MUSIC, ESPECIALLY "GONE AWAY WITH A FRIEND". A FAVORITE MEMORY IS WHEN WE WOULD TALK ON THE PHONE, HE ALWAYS SAID "SEE YA, LOVE YA BUD, BYE" MY REPLY WAS THAT I AM NOT YOUR BUD, I AM YOUR MOM, HE SAID "BUT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE BUD!" THAT IS ON HIS STONE, NOT BYE THOUGH--I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN. HE IS "GONE AWAY WITH A FRIEND!!"
At 6:51pm on May 7, 2010, Suzi Kelly said…
My sisters son committed suicise on may 28th She is having a terrible time please HELP me find her some one to talk to
At 2:13am on April 28, 2010, Donna said…

Thank you for this honorable outlet to attempt some hope for peace in us all. I am not looking for pity by telling my story but I am searching for less of my soul to ache so deeply. My brother hung himself 1 month, 3 weeks and four days ago living with me and I was the last person to see him and the first one to find him. He didnt do drugs or alcohol and please dont think I judge anyone by that statement. I know they use drugs to try and cope with something that eventually eats them up or whichever unique situation you had to try to cope with. I know you have probably asked yourselves as "Survivors of Suicide: what we missed, how could we not know especially if you were very close to him/her/them, how could we have changed it, what did we do wrong, and why weren't we enough to keep "all of those that are now gone but not forgotten". These questions add even more guilt to me because my mom shot herself 10 years ago and I wasnt even in the same state as my family for the last six years before she died. I went into the US Army at 17 and lived nowhere near her. She was my best friend and so much a part of my soul; none of us ever saw it coming. The thought had never even entered my mind at 23 for one of my family members to go in such a tragic and tortured way. I think we will always have questions and not enough answers.
I hope and pray each and every person left behind by family or friends can somehow learn to have peace and understanding about these tradegies that we were left to make some sense of, learn how to "forgive" and still have the motivation to get out of bed yourself. I can honestly say I dont think the ones that are gone had any idea how much they were really loved and how they forever changed our lives in that last choice they made. They are gone and we are left to pick up the pieces.
At 1:02pm on April 18, 2010, Juanita said…
almost 2 years my husband committed suicide with me
trying to pull the gun away. He died in my arms as I lowered him to the floor. Just can't get over it.
At 7:51pm on April 5, 2010, tammy said…
Today, I learned of another suicide, a co-worker's 23 y/0 daughter. Last Feb 2009 my 27 y/0 old nephew killed himself. He was my brother's only child. 6 months ago, the suicide of my husband's secretaries' son who was 22. And the suicide attempt of my husband's co-worker's 19 y/0 college son. What is happening to this age group? So vibrant, so much to live for, very loving families. I am so puzzled with what is going on with these 20 somethings. Are times harder now? Are there more pressures now? Has God been replaced by the evil in our lives and the temptation of the enemy pervails over these young souls? If any 20 somethings out there can help me, please........ why, why, why?
At 9:34am on March 30, 2010, Heather 33 said…
I am happy to have found this group.
At 12:40pm on March 18, 2010, racheal said…
my dad killed him self two yrs ago...i almost feel like being punched in the face sometimes would feel better everyday then feeling this way lonely dealing everyday with feelings wantin to blam everyone but him and letting it engulf my life with turmoil.....but i am in just the beginning people tell me......
At 1:41pm on March 16, 2010, Donna Padilla said…
Happy 53rd Birthday my sweet Nicolas. I miss you more today than anything in the world. There was so much left unsaid and undone between us. One day we will meet again and finish what we began. You're always with me in my heart, no matter where I go, no matter what I'm doing; your love is always with me. Thank you for loving me! Te amo Mi Amor, Donna
At 5:12pm on February 21, 2010, Cathy E. said…
I am glad to have found this site & I will join the suicide's survivors group. Thanks.

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