my son was murdered by someone i had a relationship with,thank you for the information..i have started to contact the nj senators.i know that it will not be easy but my son deserves this as do all the other children who have been murdered and justice was not really served
Gerry, thank you so much for going to Chase's website and for signing the guest book, it really means a lot to me and you lifted my spirits today! I too am so sorry about the loss of your gorgeous son! May God continue to give you strength to get through each and every day until we reunite with our sons for eternity in Heaven. God bless you! Annette Walters
Hi Gerry-I'll be thinking of you on the 19th of April and hope for some progress. This whole system is mind-boggling; all decisions seem to be made to ensure a fair trial for the defendant and to preclude cause for appeal down the road. I'm beginning to think that all drunk driving cases that involve a death should be handled the same way, and that is that the driver should not be allowed out on bond. This would ensure the case coming to trial within 5 months, providing the victim with some sense of justice being served and providing the defendant with some much-needed time for reflection. I think the court overlooks the influence of its actions on the victims, and the defendants can fool themselves into thinking that their life can return to normal. They are trying to suppress all of the blood alcohol evidence now, and are still saying he wasn't the driver. Did you know that a witness can't attempt to say that a person was driving fast based on how loud the car was? Speed was a major factor in this accident, but Virginia courts only allow it into evidence if the speed can be proved by a black box or a radar. Common sense and reasonableness seem to have no place. Speed can be determined by many other methods, but Virginia doesn't allow it in criminal cases.
Did you ever go own to Florida to the accident site? If you did, did it go okay?
How are you, my friend? For us, court continues to proceed at a snail's pace. We had a pre-trial motions hearing today, part of which had to be continued to May 17. Can you believe we're still in pre-trial phase? How go things with your son's court case?
Well we made it through our son's 40th birthday. Thought of him all day long. We took his 3 daughters and our daughter to his favorite place where we would have all celebrated his special birthday. It does make it easier when we do this healing all together. Thank goodness we live close by and see each other every week. The girls are going to counseling and it seems to be bringing them back to their happy spirits as they laugh and talk together. So sad to lose a father at 13, 15 and 17. We will try and fill that void but really no one can.
One thing that helped me through the day yesterday was reading all the postings from friends and family on my son's Facebook page. We are not alone in missing him.
Like you said, doesn't matter how old they were, they are our sons and daughters and we miss them.
Hi Gerry, I can completely understand your need to go to the place of the accident, where your son took his last breath, and I hope you'll find some comfort in it. The scene of Jack's accident was on private property, and the owners are beautiful people. The man is a minister and, in the beginning, anytime they saw me out there they'd come out to comfort me and provide details. They were there within seconds of the accident, and it does give me great comfort to know that they were with him and praying for him. They started a prayer chain on line and gave us a prayer bracelet. The other amazing thing is that the wife told me after Jack's funeral that the day after the accident she had been outside on her patio meditating and saw an eagle fly from the marsh area in her backyard. She went out front to see it some more and it landed in the tree out front - the tree the car crashed into. She said she had never seen an eagle there before. She was so moved by it because we had chosen "Eagle's Wings" as one of the songs and a reading from Isaiah (40 I believe) about getting strength from God and that he will lift you on wings of eagles. God works in beautiful ways, doesn't He?
Dear Gerry, I think I like going to Jack's grave because putting new flowers there, or cleaning it off, or changing the knickknacks is something I can do for him; something to tend to for him. Could you have a small memorial somewhere in your garden honoring Ric that you could tend to?
I started going to GriefShare meetings last week, and really liked it. I felt I was finally ready to talk openly about my feelings to others who were suffering a loss, and want to listen to their heartache too. I was happy to find that the program includes God's presence in our lives and our grief. The times I'm the lowest, my faith is at its lowest but when I get on the other side of those bad days, I know that He is with me, and has been from the beginning. Do you ever have feelings like this?
I love your story about the balloons, especially the monkey one! For Jack's angel day anniversary, I wanted to buy roses to break apart and spread the petals on his grave. I was trying to decide the color to get when I went to visit his grave the day before. It was right around sunset, and his grave looks directly onto the sunset sky (a neat thing in itself because he was really into sunsets). Anyway, that evening, the sunset sky was orange, deep pink and yellow. When I went to the store to look for roses, guess what colors they had? That's right, I bought 3 dozen orange, pink and yellow roses that we lovingly broke apart to blanket his grave. It was beautiful. Yes, they are with us. Take care.
Hi Gerry, I have been thinking about you and saw your post about Ric's birthday and angel day being yesterday. These are both incredibly hard days, and having them on the same day makes it that much harder so I hope you're doing okay. It was very hard on me when I had to acknowledge those dates for Jack in December and I had quite a setback. But, the good news, is I'm doing better now. Those darkest times are filled with so much questioning and anger and sadness and frustration, but I think they start us on our path toward answers. When the light begins to dawn, that's when I seem to feel Jack the strongest, almost like a verification that I'm on the right path. My prayer is for Ric's light to shine through you. Take care. Judy
today will be hard for you, but you will make it ..i just wanted you to know i am thinking about you, and ric today. i lit a candle, and will say a prayer for you, and your precious son..god bless you..tammy E
my sons birthday is monday the 1st oh how hard it is and his 12 year old daughter is having a hard time,it is so much harder this year,he passed oct.3rd 08 i believe i have just woke up. It is just not real not my baby even though he was 31he was the one with the bib heart the one with the blue eyes with that smile and laugh not my baby why not me, i miss him and its getting worse oh how i dont even no how i go on with such pain that no one understands unless they have loss there baby there is nothing like it. My mom passed june 20th 08 and i thought that was bad which it was,but nothing like a child hoe blessed she was to have all 4 of her children there for here,just the way i wanted it my 3 kids there now there will be two but my baby will be waiting on me in heaven and i will get that big hug he new how to give. Justins mom pam bryan
Hi Gerry, My name is Debra Bennett and i lost a 17yrold daughter in june 2003, so finally i started going ro a group called compassionate friends where i live in Binghamton Ny, so we attended the candle lightning ceremony.It was wonderful and going to the group really helps me cause i still have alot of anger of the loss of my daughter.I think it helped my other daughter.
You're actually miles ahead of me as far as MADD goes. I'd only recently looked at the website and saw the legal link and read that and then recommended it to you as far as the process you might be looking at since the info seemed very accurate. That's all I've done up to this point.
My daughter is 10 and was truly the apple of Jack's eye. There was a 10 year age difference between them and from the moment she was born he considered her to be a miracle and that was how he always treated her. She has lost something that can't be replaced, but I have gotten the distinct feeling that he is with her.
I also have an eighteen year old son who had to learn at 6am on his 18th birthday that his brother had been killed. Jack was his role model and they were best friends as well as brothers. Many of Jack's friends have been great, staying in touch with Ben and trying to help fill that empty space. I worry the most about him because I think he is still in complete denial. I know Jack's watching out for him and that gives me some comfort, but I worry about when this will hit Ben and how he'll handle it. I've got a wonderful angel story to tell you about the two of them whenever you're up for it. Jack took the role of big brother to heart and was always there for his siblings to give advice or to encourage. Ben credits much of his success to Jack saying that his encouragement meant so much more because it was from a peer instead of a parent who a kid expects to say nothing but good things. He was amazing in that respect.
I'm confused with the witness situation in your son's case. The one mom you've spoken about; is she Nancy and her son Justin? It does sound like the little girl who was in the car with her father/driver(?) will be key and no doubt that will come with its own set of issues.
I'm thinking about you.
Thanks a lot for your message. There's so much tragedy in the world and we who have experienced it are sisters/brothers in grief. We're so lucky to have this site to share our feelings, but my heart breaks every time a new person posts. I'm trying really hard to make myself do some things; the house has really suffered since Jack died as I've only been doing what's absolutely necessary to keep it livable. It's been really nice here in Virginia so I've been working out in the yard some and going for walks every morning after I get my daughter off to school. I was asked to do an audit this week (I'm an accountant), but still don't feel up for that sort of thing. Maybe next year.....
I was curious when you wrote that you had contacted MADD; what types of services do they provide? We've never contacted anyone there, but they did call us and send us some literature right after the accident. Was the driver of the vehicle that killed your son arrested at the scene or was it a hit and run? I just don't get this common defense of not being the driver and how successful it is. Too many people have learned not to take responsibility and I don't see how they can look themselves in the mirror. It's a sad commentary on today's society and, unfortunately, I feel our system of justice plays right into it.
No news in our case and won't expect any until maybe the week before 12/15. That's how things always seem to go.