Gerry Fiden's Comments

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At 2:11pm on November 8, 2009, Judy said…
Hi Gerry,
My thoughts are with you on your son's 2 month Angel Day. I know the helplessness you're feeling, and I'm sorry.
What are the developments in the case?
Take care,
Judy
At 5:31pm on November 6, 2009, Lisa Sabia said…
Gerry,
I'm so glad you listened to the song. As I said, it lifts me up. I blast the volume as I sing along. People in other cars must think I'm nuts LOL. I too attend a special Christmas candelight service at my gf church, for the loss of a child (she lost her 18 year old daughter five years ago. I attended her GriefShare group before starting my own. Her son was best friend's with Mario. He was a paul bearer. Amazing how God brings us together. I also met another very dear friend through that group, who lost her 18 year old son last year. It helps being close to people who can understand our hurt and share the same Faith in a God of HOPE. Only someone who has lost a child can grasp what we all experience. I'm curious, is the candelight service at a Lutheren church on Reserve Rd? There is another song, written by Steven Curtis Chapman called With Hope. Go to google to read the lyrics. It's beautiful. He wrote the song for a friend who lost someone. Then tragically not long after he lost his little girl in a tragic family accident. He's a Christian singer and songwriter. Mario's guestbook is still on line at www.buffalonews.com last name, Sabia, if you would like to see pictures of him. Keeping you and everyone here in my thoughts and prayers.
Ric and Mario "Smiling Down"
God Bless, Lisa
At 4:15pm on November 6, 2009, Gerry Fiden said…
Dear Lisa,

First let me say thank you for telling me about SMILING DOWN. I listened, read the words,cried and then felt good in my heart. I have met wonderful understaning people on this site as well as in my community. The grief counselor I spoke to has grief meetings at a church near me in Amherst and has sent info. There are having a CANDLELIGHT SERVICE on the 2nd of Dec. at another church that sounds like something every mother who lost a child may want to attend. Let me know if you know of it and are interested. I will write more later, as I am on my to work. I will hold you in my prayers.
Gerry
At 5:53pm on November 4, 2009, Lisa Sabia said…
Dear Gerry,
I just saw your post. First I would like to give you a great big ((HUG)). I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your son Ric. What a handsome young man.
My son, Mario also had beautiful blue eyes. Everyone who met him would comment on his eyes, Everyone.
I'm glad your involved in a support group. That's very important. The group I co-lead, GriefShare, is held at my church, Full Gospel Tabernacle on Southwestern Blvd in Orchard Park, Monday evenings 7-9 pm. We would love to have you join us. ((Gerry))
We have 5 participents in the group, who have lost adult children. Faith is such a vital part of getting through something like this. Without my Faith & Hope in my Lord and Savior Jesus, I probably would not be here. His grace and strength carry me every single day. No matter how awful things seem, He is ALWAYS with you. Lean on Him. He will be your strength, your comfort, your hope and your peace.
He will NEVER leave you or forsake you. I understand as a mom, the guilt you feel but Gerry you had no control over what happened. The what if's will drive you insane. Ric is now " Safe In The Arms Of Jesus " Your son is watching over you, his wife and his precious children. Ric's, smiling down. I know this is all so "raw" right now. Please contact me via e-mail
lasabia@verizon.net I would like to give you my phone number. You mentioned you lived near me, I'm curious where. There is a song I would like you to listen to it's called Smiling Down by Pillar. Listen to the words, envision Ric singing them to you. You can find it on youtube. This song is playing on Mario's, My Space page. Whenever I'm sad, I BLAST it in the car LOL. the link to GriefShare is www.griefshare.org
I have met some wonderful people and made several friendships with people I met through this group. It has truly been a blessing in my life. So much so, I felt in my heart, God wanted me to start this in my church. He opened the door and I flew through it.
God Bless you and your family. May He grant you, strength for the day, comfort for the tears, light for the way and may His peace which surpasses all understanding, cover you each and every day.
((Lisa))
At 1:58pm on November 3, 2009, Judy said…
Dear Gerry,
I loved your sentiment that our son's will speak to God on our behalf. When Jack first died,I had the inexplicable sense that I was being guided and lifted by a hand that was not my own. It was a feeling I'll never forget and I'm grateful for it and, yes, I like to think that Jack played a part in it. That is beautiful, thank you.
I ordered the marker, signed and paid for, and I am happy. I like your idea of putting some of Ric's ashes in a charm, and why don't you place the others in a small urn with some special pictures and maybe a candle. We have a neighbor who understood Jack's love of the outdoors and carved a beautiful candleholder out of cedar with a sandalwood-scented candle. Very natural, very masculine, just like Jack was. I have that with a picture of Jack and a plate my daughter made for him, and it's special to me.
God does work in mysterious ways, and I thank him for bringing us together. You have helped me in a way that's hard to explain. Talk to you soon.
Take care,
Judy
At 8:32am on November 2, 2009, Judy said…
Hi Gerry,
I'm glad FL has a victim advocate program. Your daughter-in-law will be given information as it is available, but it is a very slow process. It's hard to grieve with this aspect hanging in the balance, but it's one of those things out of our control.
I am going to try to do some things around the house today; I've been pretty much of a basket case the last month or so, and it's beginning to show in my surroundings. I'll pray for energy today and for renewed strength.
My son and both of my husband's parents were recognized in a beautiful ceremony at church yesterday for All Saints' Day. The magnitude of what we've gone through in a little over a year's time overwhelms me at times. In fifteen months we lost one of my husband's closest friends, my husband's father, my grandmother, Jack and most recently my husband's mother. All things we have no control over, but have to learn to accept. But it's hard, and as our minister pointed out yesterday, even Jesus saw the difficulty and sadness in death and he knew the promise of eternal life. When you love someone, it's hard when they are no longer here, plain and simple.
Take care,
Judy
At 12:05pm on October 31, 2009, Judy said…
Hi Gerry,
I know what you mean about faith. Until now, I've always had a simplicit, happy faith without thinking too much of the main promise of Christianity which is eternal life. My worst days are when I'm in the state of mind that I'm not sure if I'll see my son again. I have to admit I've been given many signs that there is life after death mostly from Jack and also from my father and other dear relatives. My counselor says I should take those as a gift, my answers if you will, yet I still hesitate. I do have an incredible support system in place; my husband, my entire family, his entire family and many friends, but with the exception of my husband I don't feel I can relate all my feelings to the rest because they can't quite relate (nor do I want them to ever have to). That's what I like about this site, is that I know those who are on it are experiencing the same feelings I have.
On the book, "A Grace Disguised," I gave you the wrong name on the author; it is Jerry Sittser. Sorry about that-I was writing to you late last night and the book was in our room where my husband was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him.
Please don't let our case bring you down. You have two major things going for you: 1) He's not out on bond and 2) there was an eyewitness who saw the accident occur and can identify him as the driver. In our case, witnesses were out within seconds, but the defense can still say that was enough time for the real driver to get away. Crazy, I know. Another thought I had is that in Virginia they have a Victim/Witness office associated with the Commonwealth's Attorney's office. We are considered the victims in this case since our son can't speak for himself, and the office does an incredible job of keeping us informed. If Florida has this program, maybe you will be allowed a similar status. It's nice to not only get the information, but they also keep us in a separate part of the building until the case is heard so we don't have to interact with the defense. As the defendant is someone my son knew who is refusing to take responsibility it rubs salt into the wound so I'm grateful we don't have to see him. I've tried to put myself in his shoes, but there's no excusing it; he's just out to save his own skin with no regard for his actions and what they've done and are doing to the family. Take care. Judy
At 10:49pm on October 30, 2009, Judy said…
Hi Gerry,
I just wrote you a long note, but think I posted it to my own comment page! There are so many threads on this site I can't figure it all out. Anyway, I invite you to go on my page and read it. Judy
At 10:39am on October 25, 2009, sue ferrante said…
hi gerry, yes my great grandaughter died tues. sat. at 2;00 we laid her to rest, kattie was 7 weeks old she was born with her heart on the right side upside, she got a heart( from a baby that was adused or died of sids) went they tried to put the heart where it belong the good lung was in the way and they couldn't move it so the heart laid on kattie chest a machine was keeping her alive, she got an infection in her bood and her heart a machine was keeping her alive, they put kattie in her in her mothers arms and took her off the machines within a few seconds she took her last breath wth family all around her.
At 7:40pm on October 23, 2009, sue ferrante said…
hi gerry, my name is Sue from Michigan my son was also killed by a drunk drive who happen to be is friend I also went to school with is mother, Tony got a new truck for chritmas he had been drinking I said myself why did Carlos get in the car? but he did , tony was going around 90-100 miles an hour speed linit was 25 he hit a tree and flip into a creek, my son was killed instenty took police a couple of hours to get his body out of the car. had to be a close casket couldn't fix my son up , my son loved to dance always making someone laugh loved to always be around his friends. Carlos' has been gone 13 years and there isn't a day I don't think of him sometimes I feel him around me, I'll tellhim ,"don't see you but I feel you" take care Sue
At 10:30pm on October 13, 2009, Judy said…
Hi Gerry,
I'm not sure if you'll get this since I usually post to the wall, but I wanted you to now I'm thinking of you. My son's trial is supposed to start in two weeks; a jury trial in the Circuit Court. The date had been continued twice already, but I'm thinking 10/27 might go on as planned as we haven't heard anything. The defendant in the case is expected at this time to plead not guilty. A very common defense in these types of cases is for the defendant to say he wasn't driving if there are no other witnesses. I am glad to hear that the defendant in your son's case has no bond in light of the fact that he's a repeat offender. Take care. Judy
At 12:13pm on October 10, 2009, Gerry Fiden said…
Leslie
My son had the most beautiful shade of "tourquoise"eyes. His oldest daughter has blue and the youngest brown. My mom had green cat color eyes... mine are brown but Ric's are definately tourquoise.
I cancelled my conversation for today, as some are telling me it may hurt our case if I speak to the witness. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel helpless. I got news that he is pleading not guilty.
One step forward with the bail, then one step back.I am having a really bad day today, sorry if I bring you down.
Gerry
At 9:27am on October 10, 2009, Leslie L. Fiorda said…
hi gerry...your son is very handsome; are his eyes blue? Very, very nice looking young man!
I am sorry hun, about what you are about to go through,( talking w/the boys) But it is something you have to do. As a Mother, I had to know everything. I met with the man who got to my son first, he called 911...twice. The second time after 45 min., they said they were lost. And I went to talk to the surgeon who tried in vain to save my son. There were just things I needed to know. I also went to see him, when I finely could, no make-up, I had to see {as his Mother} just exactly what he went through. I went in by myself. Ken, the mortision (spelled wrong), asked if I wanted him to go in with me...I said no. And I took about 3 steps and almost collasped. Ken was right behind me and caught me. He was a blessing. I think the reality of my son lying there, and knowing he was never going to get up again, hit me so hard. I knew then, as I examined him, looking at all of his boo-boo's; that he wasn't there. He really wasn't there anymore. I knew "this was the vessel" I help create, for Jordan to live on the Earth. I stay'd with him every day. They open'd early for me and closed late for me. I knew after that time, I would only have pics.. and memories; everything one demintional.
Anyway, Gerry, take it slow. When you think of questions to ask them, write them down...make a list. I did. Also...My Jordan's birthday is on September 11,...yeah 9-11. Take care, I have to go to my uncles funeral today. My prayers are with you...
.....Leslie
At 12:52am on October 10, 2009, Leslie L. Fiorda said…
Hi Gerry, Leslie here...Im not sure how we are supposed to "add friends", on this site. Every time I try to add any one it gives me an "error" message. But I know if you click on the name at the top of the letter "LESLIE" ,it should bring you to my page.
Oh.. you asked about writing back; don't work too hard trying to write every single one of us back, unless you feel up to it, and you need to keep busy.
I read every one of the letters that come through, I think we all do. It may be a bit overwhelming right now. But if you'd like to, my email is luvdablues@roadrunner.com
I am keeping you in my prayers, and praying for Gods peace to be with you. I am only an email away.
At 11:47am on September 22, 2009, Gerry Fiden said…
The last thing I want to be is a part of this group,but I am. Two weeks ago today my son and only child was killed by a drunk driver. It was 7:22 a.m.,he was on his way to work. That day was the worst day of my life. The monster who killed my son had 3 times over the limit of alcohol in his system. He dragged my baby's body 180 ft before he stopped the car, then proceeded to walk away, holding the hand of his 8year old girlfriends daughter who he was driving to school. He threw a containter of what police believe to be liquor alone side the road as he fled. He was caught and is in a Fl. jail where this happened. This monster had priors in Maryland where he did bodily harm while drunk. He broke parole and fled to Fl. where he killed my son. My sons death was untimely and horrific, and should not have happened.
I don't need to tell any of you how heartbroken I am,nor of the hole in my heart. You all know how I feel. My son will never see his oldest daughter graduate in May,he will never hear his youngest daughter sing again. His girls were his life. We are all devasted and miss him so. My son was 43 years old, he lived only half his life. As his mom, I have asked God everyday for these last 2 weeks, why him, why not me. Perhaps someday I will know the answer. I don't know how to say goodbye to him, because he is in my heart and always will be, so I won't say goodbye. I will say until I see you again remember how much I love you.
I pray for all of you and the children you lost.May we all in time find the peace we need to survive the most horrible loss that anyone can go through, that of loosing your child. Please pray for my son Eric (Ric) and his children.
I ask all mothers to support MADD in behalf of my son and other children whose life was taken prematurely by a drunk driver.
With a heavy heart, Gerry

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