havent heard from you---today my son has been gone 15 years--sometimes I feel like he wasnt even born, and wonder what he looks like ---carlos was 23 when he died and nowhes 38 hard to believe but to me he will always be 23
jenny my name is SUE FERRANTE from wyandotte its been a long time since I have been on here I lost a son his name is CARLOS he was 23 JAN 24 he will be gone 15 years and it doesnt seem like it its like "w here has the time gone but I am hanging in there hope your doing good as can be expected you live close
Hi Jenny, I was having a terrible day on Friday at work all by myself,really hard. I am in Public Relations and had comments from customers on the phone and live. They can sense it in voice and apperance. **The best thing that happened in all recent times is that out of desperacy I went to John Edward, I had many difficulties in getteing there then they did not accept credit card, the only ATM ih the building did not work. had to get my car croos the road to another hotel, pull the cash from the ATM, came back and we finally enetered 25 minuets late. Had seating way in the back far, last 3 rows. Despite all this I was lucky enought to be chosen and Jasmin came to us. All very positive comments and comments and those only her would know, Incredible stuff. I feel much lighter in every aspect and recomend you at least visit his website at www.johnedward.net ,,, I was left totally amazed and now have proof positive that they do in fact communicate. I wish you would make it to one of his functions when you can. Your whole outlokk will be changed. I feel very lucky. *I would love to be your friend and you are always welcomed to e-mail me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. I also am on Facebook but, not so frequently. Also you can look her on Legacy, Jasmin Ivonne Corona 9/17/09, Miami Herald. Good Luck to you on this journey and we are all fighting a very hard battle but, remember I am on your team, only wishing I could help you more. Roberto.
Thank you- it is a pain in the heart that is horrible. I think if I feel really terrible today maybe tomorrow I will feel a little better. I go through the days in a daze.I keep thinking he will come in the door or call and say "How are you,Mom?" I don't want to go on but I have another son who is 42 and two grandchildren. You'd think that would make me happy but my heart just aches. I is amazing to read how much heartache people are going through. I am tring to look at one day at a time. thank you for responding. Linda Kohls
Hi Jenny, when you have 3 or 4 kids like we do it is really impossible. We are not Super People or Bionic. We do the best we can and yes, there's always something that stays in the back of your head about one of them or the other as dedicated as we may be as parents. I see we are similar because we beat ourselves up over issues of could have, would have, Etc. I just dont want you to beat yourself up too much and who's to say it would not have happened anyway, no matter what we did ? My prayers and thoughts are really with you and I think you should know I read your story about John at least 5 times last night and shed some tears. What a hard battle we have ahead of us ! We will help each other thrugh Jenny, I'll be here; Robert.
Jenny thanks for your comments. What you wrote is totally correct and I am talking to my wife more and more each day. She understands and is also there for me although I only started opening up within the last week or so. I read what you wrote herein about John and I am so sorry for your loss. I guess it does not matter much if it's sudden or expected, illness or accident or whichever way. We are in the same boat when we loose one of our kids. I think you did what any of us would of done. I cant tell you how many times among our 4 kids we put one or more of them to bed with that feeling in the back of our minds but, just continued about our business. I pray for John and for you. My kids are all grown up now but, you have younger ones depending and counting on you. I hope you will overcome, God Bless. Robert.
Jenny I understand what you are saying about John coming to you I prayed for Gregory to come to me and it wasnt right away but he did and oh what a blessing it was we held hands and he told me he was ok and he had a smile on his face and he was sooooooo handsome , So yes he will come
oh I got a place a 3 br condo !!! thank you Jesus
Jenny I think its normal for we parents to feel some guilt . As Lisa said its survivors guilt
I know that the guilt I have I will probably carry to the grave with me , keep me in your prayers as I am praying for you and your family
Everything you are feeling is okay. Even the best mom or dad out there will find somethings to feel guilty over. Siblings do the same thing. Its called "surviors guilt". I have a feeling if John could whisper in your ear he would say "you were and are a good mom; i always felt your love". That is what life is all about.
My son Chad is the second of my four kids. I always would say it goes: girl, boy, boy, girl. I would die for any of those kids. I love them that much. Chad and I shared a very special bond though. That is just a fact.
Losing him at 18 on 9/4/09 stopped my world dead in its tracks. For my husband and kids as well. We all move through each day toward a better tomorrow. Don't know when that will be. It is agony without my Chad.
I am not sure but I know someday I am going to reach for something more than this ever present despair. For the sake of my husband, kids, and so very importantly, for the sake of Chad and his specialness I will someday hope to make a difference in others lives as he did and continues to do in mine.
Every day without Chad is something I never thought I could have survived. I say, "Why Chad?". I will go in his place any time so he can have his life back. That decision is not mine to make. I have seen signs, they are not enough right now, but I know I will be with my son again. Death in this life will not have the last word. I can't wait to be with him again. I will, however, finish this life first. Chad wouldn't have it any other way. I will not be a quitter for his sake. He never was a quitter. Thinking of you. Lisa (Chad's mom)
Hi Jenny, I'm glad to hear that you also got through the rough beginning as far as thinking as I did about My son that maybe this was done by him on purpose. Only after we drove ourselves completley nuts with Guilt and all of the What If's we finally sort through "that part" of the puzzle - through review and evidence and then one day it just hits you "Thank God That he Did Not Commit Suicde" It really does help ease the self blames that just seemed to consume me. I feel Extreamley deeply for All of us on here but like I said before now that I know what it felt like when I was convinced that my son took his own life I believe that it is even harder for the survivors of suicide. I Hope that you have a Good Night. Cindy
Please don't let guilt you could have done something rule your heart and emotions. Remember, the wonderful times with John...hold tight to them when negative thoughts of what I could have done run through your head. I cannot ease the why's or should of...but I know to be a mother to a son is the greatest gift on earth. I wouldn't take back any lessons we both learned together. The one thing I would have done which was not in my power is to take his cancer...but that was not at all what would be. Remember, love for life...with the 2 boys you still have, hold them, love them, and be their place to unload when the pressure does come in their lives. It is not uncommom for children to give into peer pressure, we as parents just need to assure them, we are here and keep them busy with the good things of life. Jenny, you will get through this loss but give yourself time...I have to allow myself to go through so many things in order to work through grief myself. My faith is absolute and without it I would lose my mind.
God bless you honey...I am so sorry you lost your precious son...Mary
Hi Jenny, I want to start off by saying that I feel for you. Our Sons where taken in two differnt ways but they are still gone. Unfourtunitly I had the Very Un-Pleasant experiance of first beliving that My son had comitted suiced on an Interstate hwy. (until I read the police report and I know different now.) But what I am saying is that I felt Extreame Guilt because I felt that I should have been better able to "know" that he was sad and felt that I should have reconised the signs and I didn't - It is a Devestating thought. (I am Not saying that I think your son commited suiced though). I do have to say being a mother who was Convinced that My son took his life from suiced even though I was Not involved in the chain of events that took place it made me review our whole life together. I really found myself Only thinking about the times that I got frustrated with him Over and Over to "get a Job" and other normal things that we are responable for teaching our kids. All of those things that I was supossed to do to help My son now in my mind became the thoughts that I was "a Mean Mother" "No wonder he did this" "I took him to consoling for years - Maybe I should have taken him more?" "I wish that I would have in some way changed the course of the day" On and On - Guilt - Guilt and More Guilt.. One thing that I was told that helped me was what one person said to me. "Cindy - You were only disaplening your child - we all do it and it is neccesary." I also was one day thinking that a Good Mother or Good Father could have jumped over the moon and feel that they still did not jump high enough. My main point is that I experienced thinking that I felt that I should have done something more and I should have been "able to Know more of what to look for and "I" could have avoided this. I am Now lucky enough to know that My son did not take his own life and the reason that I feel for you so Much is that there is Nothing worse that can happen then when you lose a child but I feel (being on both sides now) that a person that thinks even maybe that their son or daughter comitted suicde at least in My experiance I felt it was "10 times harder" to deal with then now knowing that he was hit by a man that make a statement at seane that he had taken his eyes off of the road and when he looked up there was a man standing there with his hands in front of him which in a weird way was a Relief to me. I now know for sure that he did not go out on to the Highway chest out like bring it on. I hope you understand that point that I am trying to make. Mainly - I totally feel for you. I mean My god. I couldn't count the amount of times that My son went to sleep after school from like you said a late night in their room texting, watching Tv, playing video games ect.... I have to say - I also have been watching more ghost shows for the same reason. Hopeing that something on there will "reasure" me that I will someday see My only Son Danny again one day. It does get confusing though because it seems that no matter what Country that they are filming in - they have more times than not had a general feeling that those taken too soon, suddenly and tragicly do not make it to the light because they are confused anout what happened?? and it worries me because of how my son was killed. I wouldn't want him wondering up and down the Interstate Highway in search of what ever it is they are searching for?? It actually scares the heck out of me to think that. I have also thought that I wish that I could afford a medium just to see if they could really connect with my son. I feel that I would know if they were just coming off the top with things or really helping us make a connection that could be comforting for both me and My son. I don't know if all that is true but I would Love to give it a shot. I know it's hard to stop thinking that "you should have known" but you know as well as Everyone else knows - if you had a crystal ball that would be the Only way to have "seen the future" and had you "known" for sure what was even going on at the time - - the out come would have Not been the same. Unfourtunitley we Only know things for sure or have a better understanding when we have had a "past" experience. The past is 20/20 the Future is Uncertain. ((((((((((HUG-JENNY))))))))))
I am so sorry for all the pain you've been through. I lost my stepfather in May, 2007, then my husband in December, 2007. I didn't think anything could hurt any more than that, but I never dreamed my son would go before me. I hope we can all draw strength from each other and learn from each other in this group.
That is a very heart-wrenching story and my heart goes out to you. John sounds like the typical teenager - out there experimenting but a good person who loved deeply. I know you miss him a lot. I hope you continue with the therapy. I had to go through three therapist before I found the right one. I found the therapist was the only one I could be brutally honest with and tell her how I felt. I had my share of guilt too over my son Ryan. He was 18 when he died in a skateboarding accident. I also went through the pot smoking with him at 16 and 17, school problems, etc. He was just starting to turn things around when he died. I struggled with all the arguments and wasted time fighting with him. It took me a while to get over that. I feel so badly for you and the circumstances of John's death. It must be very hard to cope with. Hang in there and be sure to keep posting here. It's so good for us to all have each other. Blessings.
jenny,my son had a reaction to the drug methadone,he also had a case of pnemonia, ambien sleeping aid, and a small amt of alcohol..his girlfriend was there that mornign, and knew something wasn't quite right with him, but she went to work anyway..if she would have watched him or called 911 he would still be here today, this all could have been prevented..i did not know the extent of his using pain pills..we as americans have to do something about all the pain meds that are being over prescribed to so many people nation wide..i have talked to alot of parente whose sons haved died from pain meds....alot of horrible bad doctors out there...it will take a long time for us to even begin to forgive or heal from this if ever...i am sorry to hear about your precious son, and if you need to talk please do...legacy is a very good grief site, we are not alone...take care, and bless you every day...tammy e