thank you and happy birthday to your son Robby, its hard to say "happy" because to reach that point again may never happen living with what we are, but I believe he is happy and wants you to be to.  Words, I know, but some days its all we have to get us through, ya know. There are people out there that think this can never happen to them, that their child or loved one will never be torn from them for whatever reason, and yes I may of been that person before this happened to me, you never want to think it can, but it does, it does.  The pain is always there, hidden so well behind that smile I smack on my face, but one look into my boys eyes and I know they would not survive without me so I have to do what I can to survive, just survive, by the grace of God....

thank you and happy birthday to your son Robby, its hard to say "happy" because to reach that point again may never happen living with what we are, but I believe he is happy and wants you to be to.  Words, I know, but some days its all we have to get us through, ya know. There are people out there that think this can never happen to them, that their child or loved one will never be torn from them for whatever reason, and yes I may of been that person before this happened to me, you never want to think it can, but it does, it does.  The pain is always there, hidden so well behind that smile I smack on my face, but one look into my boys eyes and I know they would not survive without me so I have to do what I can to survive, just survive, by the grace of God....

Hi Tammy,  I know exactly how you feel. It just doesn't seem to matter, the time. Believe me when I say though, if you really try, it will lessen, the pain. It took about 3 years for me to finally get some of those bad feeling to where I could handle it better.  I was very angry for a very long time. Even and especially at God.  I know now, He was my best friend through it all. When others grew weary of me talking all the time about it, I found a great listener in Christ.  He was always there for me.  But it sure took time for me to adjust.  None of us are the same, however, and the time line is different too.  I am glad you have a pastor to talk with. I did too and I also got professional help through my work. It helped a lot knowing I had someone who would listen to me and give me some advice. They gave me hope and that is very necessary.  It will be 22 years ago, and I still have some very hard days, especially his anniv. date and his Birthday (next month). I know this is normal, and I now can deal with it much better. You will get there Tammy.  Have faith in yourself. Don't get down on yourself. Know that these things we go through are normal.  We are not alone. If you would like I can send you my email address and we could correspond more.  I don't mind if you don't.  I don't know how long ago you wrote to me so I'm not sure when you will get this either.   I will keep you in my prayers and anytime you want to talk, let me know.  Smile with those sweet memories and hold on tight during the rough spots.  We'll get there.  Lots of Hugs.....Carol

Hi Tammy, Thanks for checking in. Like you, the sadness is very intense. I cry all the time. I love talking to Morgan. I always tell her to say hi to Robby, Chad, Philip and the other children. I'm glad you get to spend time with your grandson. Thats nice. You need to hug him and give him kisses all the time. Me and my family are just trying to get by, day to day. I wish you and your family peace. Please take care. Larry

Live FOR your son.You know he would be devastated to see you brought to your knees. Be STRONG, the Lord wil give u strength. Do something in his memory that you'll be proud of. I have a cross to bear and it's weighing me down.

Candace turned 30 on 2/11/10. She passed 4/09/10. She was still a child. She loves her family VERY much. Her dad is an alcoholic but he's been sober for about 25 yrs. He met a woman in the same predicament. They married and now support each other. I'm going to put some pics of her on a cd so i can upload them here. I already have her kids,husband and myself on here.

Hi Tammy, I too read your post on the main page and haven't seen you lately.
Glad you are doing as good as can be.
Like Tammy says below some days/weeks are easier than some and then those "sad days" hit from out of nowhere and sideswipe us and here come raw emotions. I was at a wedding this last week end with very good friends and it was after dinner someone made an innocent comment and I became a crying mess. I felt so bad but there was nothing I could do. I think in the back of my mind I knew the groom was 39 yrs old, just like my Donny when he passed. I think it finally hit me.....
But I am one of the lucky ones as we got to see Donny get married, have 3 children and have a basically good marriage for 15 years. Then all hell broke loose and the unhappiness came from his wife.....
I regained my composure and thank goodness everyone at the table were close friends of mine, they all understood and just gave me hugs....they all know there is not a thing anyone can do but be there for those moments.
Glad to see you back on here.....keep your sons memory alive along with all the rest of us Moms.
Hugs to you today.

Hi Tammy, I too read your post on the main page and haven't seen you lately.
Glad you are doing as good as can be.
Like Tammy says below some days/weeks are easier than some and then those "sad days" hit from out of nowhere and sideswipe us and here come raw emotions. I was at a wedding this last week end with very good friends and it was after dinner someone made an innocent comment and I became a crying mess. I felt so bad but there was nothing I could do. I think in the back of my mind I knew the groom was 39 yrs old, just like my Donny when he passed. I think it finally hit me.....
But I am one of the lucky ones as we got to see Donny get married, have 3 children and have a basically good marriage for 15 years. Then all hell broke loose and the unhappiness came from his wife.....
I regained my composure and thank goodness everyone at the table were close friends of mine, they all understood and just gave me hugs....they all know there is not a thing anyone can do but be there for those moments.
Glad to see you back on here.....keep your sons memory alive along with all the rest of us Moms.
Hugs to you today.

Tammy, I saw your post on the wall and you are absolutely right. We need to be able to remember the good times so we can get through the bad. I'm so thankful for this group. I don't get online a lot lately but I pray for all of you to have peace and good days. I know how much I miss my son and everyone seems to think that just because we've passed the year mark or all the "first's" that we should be ok now. Some days are easier and there are those days that just really grip your heart. They kinda sideswipe you, catch you off-guard. I got an email from my ex-mother-in-law asking permission for her Pastor to put Jon's baptism on You-Tube. It, like anything else to do with Jon, was bittersweet. I will cherish that video. Someone commented that it was a long or slow entry(into the baptismal)but to me, it was a chance to see him alive again and that beautiful smile. Blessings,Kathy

Tammy, I saw your post on the wall and you are absolutely right. We need to be able to remember the good times so we can get through the bad. I'm so thankful for this group. I don't get online a lot lately but I pray for all of you to have peace and good days. I know how much I miss my son and everyone seems to think that just because we've passed the year mark or all the "first's" that we should be ok now. Some days are easier and there are those days that just really grip your heart. They kinda sideswipe you, catch you off-guard. I got an email from my ex-mother-in-law asking permission for her Pastor to put Jon's baptism on You-Tube. It, like anything else to do with Jon, was bittersweet. I will cherish that video. Someone commented that it was a long or slow entry(into the baptismal)but to me, it was a chance to see him alive again and that beautiful smile. Blessings,Kathy

Thank you Tami! Over the phone sounds great! I won't be able to call him until I have the funds. I need to pay my Dad off first for paying for Candace's funeral.

Thank you so much Tami! The good thing is I don't have regrets w/Candace. I miss her so muc! I can still hear her saying "MOM?" when I answered the phone. It was always a question. I miss my 30 yr oldBaby SOO much. I should've moved w/her. That's why i moved to NV. I thought she would go back to her family. What if she didn't and we got along famously? Regrets!

Thank you so much Tami! The good thing is I don't have regrets w/Candace. I miss her so muc! I can still hear her saying "MOM?" when I answered the phone. It was always a question. I miss my 30 yr oldBaby SOO much. I should've moved w/her. That's why i moved to NV. I thought she would go back to her family. What if she didn't and we got along famously? Regrets!

Tammi Egberts:What is the phone # of your psychic? That sounds great if she could do it over the phone! I am disabled and don't drive. That would be SO helpful if I coukd hear from my 30 yr old Baby!!!!

Beautifully and very well stated, Tami. Thank you for being there for us.
Ann

Beautifully and very well stated, Tami. Thank you for being there for us.
Ann

Tammy, Your grief timeline is just about right. As I said, it doesn't go away, we just have to get through it. The Compassionate Friends (TCF) isn't for everyone. I always said it kinda makes you face things right on and sometimes you're not ready for that. As time goes on you may find it more rewarding to you. Other people try to help, but soon cannot understand why we still hurt. We do and hope they never have to find out the way we did.

I too became angry at God. How could He have done this to me. For a long while I couldn't even talk to Him. But again with time! My mom said to me, "What if Steven lived and wasn't normal" I said I could have handled that better than his death" She said, "but could he." I thought and thought about that and began to realize. God didn't do this. By human error (the doctor) he grew progressively ill. Only God knew what would be in store for all of us. He couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore and took him home where he would be whole and happy again. He knew I would survive. (I didn't at the time but He did) Believe me, it all takes time. You probably get tired of hearing that, I know I did, but it's true and it is healing.

He has another Brother and I have found great peace in doting on his children. I had a dr. tell me it is hard too because I was caught in the middle of Steve's nurchering ( I just know that is spelled wrong) and it left a big gap. It was sometime later when his brother married and had children. So I decided to teach Sunday School. It was hard at first but found it helped immensely.

I am running out of char. to write more so I will go now.

Take Care Tammy, I would like to keep writing to you if that is ok. I will keep praying for you and your family. Carol