Marsha I just wanted to pass along an article I hope you find helpful. You can read it on line at   http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/w20131215/facing-loss-of-mate/

  ps   I don't always hv access to a Computer,  so it might take me

a few days to respond to you & our discussions   I ususally go to the Library   or McDonalds  where they have  "free"   Wifi    today I'm using the computer at the Clubhouse where I've been House sitting but   I leave this afternoon   thank you for friending me so we can talk.....    Dyan    desertdove

Hi  Helen...   also  here is my  e mail address: 

                                            deedeesmit@hotmail.com

Have a blessed day......

    Dyan aka  desertdove 

Helen,

Thank you for worrying about me. I too, torment myself with thoughts of what if's and I should have. It's been 9 weeks for me and it seems it is getting harder. I still can't believe that he's really gone and I will never see him again. There are times that I wish it had been me, instead of him.

I found another site, Widowed Village which has helped me a lot. There is always somebody in the chat room and they are all very nice and understand just what I am going through. I even found a few girls from my area and hope to meet up with them one day soon. I don't know if it will ever happen, though.

My daughter keeps saying that she lost both of us because I'm not the same person that I was before. I don't think that I will ever be that person again. I miss my husband so very much. I hate this house now. He loved it so much and was so proud when he was able to buy me my own home. This is the first home that we ever owned.

Please take care of yourself and I promise that I will keep in touch more often.

Helen, Thank you for thinking of me. I know what you are saying about time. It will be 8 weeks, this coming Monday and I cry more now than in the beginning. I went for a haircut today in the place that we both went. That was difficult. The girl who cuts my hair, lost her husband the same way. He was only 44.  She, at least, was very understanding.  I guess, it's true that you have to walk in our shoes. I haven't really been out that much. Friends invite me to dinner but I refuse. I feel as if my life has been turned upside down. I really don't like this "new life". I think of you often, Helen and I hope that you are doing OK. I will keep in touch.

Helen, I lost both my parents and my husband within a short time of each other.  With no regrets,I was caregiver for them all and I too worked full time while doing all of this.   However eventually I had to retire when my husband became too ill and I could no longer juggle and  I was 56.  As I did, you too have hit a brick wall at 200 hundred miles an hour!  You go from having not a second to yourself to not knowing what to do with yourself because of all the time you seem to have now.  

My husband was my life, we had no children and I have no family to speak of so I AM ALONE!  I was so bad when he passed, in June, 2011,  I stayed in bed for days and only got up to feed and let my dogs out.  The difference between us, I knew I was headed in the wrong direction and sought help, and to date  I am still in counseling.  

I studied members of Alcoholic Anonymous  and why it worked for some and not others.  It all came down to 2 issues  1-you need to realize you have a problem 2 - you need to seek help and stay with it.  That is why AA is on going process because it is HARD. 

You need to believe in yourself to get to the other side of grief.  You need to listen to your psychologist and shun others who give you false hopes until you are capable of fulling comprehending what others are telling you.  You need to filter out facts from fiction.

In order for YOU to move forward you need to be willing to let go of grief. I am not telling you to forget I am telling you to let go. Talk to your psychologist and not your psychic one is a professional and the other is not.  Ask yourself if you were very ill would you seek a doctor trained in the profession to help you or would you ask a non professions grasping on magic?  

Helen, like a coin all have 2 sides to a story. But you need to look at each side of the story to come to a hypothesis. Only you can help yourself and only if you are willing to help yourself.  

You are in my prayers.  Hugs, Jane P 

Helen, I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. But grief is overwhelming, it can over power us, over come us and take over our lives! And yes unless you have walked in our shoes you do not understand, nor do you know what we are going through.  Your friend meant well in sending you a card welcoming the new year. She is looking for the old Helen and that Helen no longer exists.  Our grief truly is a baby step process so take one day as a new beginning.  Someone once suggested for me to come up with a list of things for me to do, such as, get up, brush your teeth, take a shower make breakfast.....and as you accomplish things on the list add something else to the list.  The list is to prove your accomplishments.  Try it it just may get you going.  It helped me to move forward and yes there are those days I fall backwards but I am trying.  I wish you peace.  Jane P