KRISTI, I AM SAD FOR ALL OF US WHO HAVE LOST A CHILD. ITS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANY HUMAN BEING. I SAW ON YOUR SITE, THAT YOUR SONS BIRTHDAY IS APPROACHING. MY SON PAST AWAY LAST AUG 28 . DRUG OVERDOSE. HIS BIRTHDAY WAS THIS PAST JUNE 28-FIRST ONE SINCE HIS PASSING. I WAS AS DIFFICULT AS I IMAGINED THAT IT WOULD BE. I HAD A SMALL CAKE WITH IS NAME ON IT, CANDLE AND STARTED UP A SMALL PLANT THAT I CAN HOPEFULLY NURTURE ON MY SONS BEHALF. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU. VALERIE
Thank you for writing back so soon. Yes we live in a small community. It sounds kind of familiar. Aidan's friends still come over and we are connected on facebook. My husband seems OK but I keep a close eye on him. I don't like leaving him alone, not because I worry he would hurt himself but just because I don't want him to get lonely. We talk about Aidan a lot. I have been going to counselling but he hasn't. I wish we had a support group here but we don't. I would like to see a compassionate friends chapter open here. There are enough bereaved parents to do it but someone has to be willing to start one. I fine that I don't want to socialize unless I am with friends that I can talk openly about Aidan as if he were still with us( and I think he is spiritually) I do talk to him and although I haven't heard his voice I have gotten signs that suggest he hears me and responds. It is hard to get past the memory of the trauma. As time goes on that has settled somewhat and I remember the rest of his life but it really makes me sad to think of him. It is like a deep deep ache. Do you see the boy who shot your son? What is that like for you? Does it affect you still to see him or does that get easier? Do you have a memorial page for you son. I do, It is Aidan Neary.
I read some of your posts and am going through some similar experiences. My son Aidan was shot and killed by a "friend" He ws 14 at the time and the boy who shot him was 15. He had gone over to this boy''s house after school with 3 other boy's to download some music off itunes. When there the boy took guns out. He was playing with a 44 magnum. He first put the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger then aimed it at Aidan and pulled the trigger. Aidan was across the room leaving. the bullet went through Aidan and hit another boy. We went through a criminal trial. The boy who shot Aidan was sentenced to 2 years in a juvenile facility which is right next to where I work. It has been 18 months and he is already going out on passes. He came to church a few weeks ago. I could not believe it when I looked out and saw him in the congregation. My whole body went into shock. I was so angry. The thought of having to see him in my community and not having my Aidan with me is so painful. Our family's life is so devestated by this loss. Aidan was such a beautiful boy. He was a cancer survivor too and so wise for his young age. He was the kind of person who could light up a room. The whole community mourned deeply when he died. His best friend was there with him and is traumatized. The other boy who was shot lived and is doing OK but has a bullet in his spine that was not able to be removed. He is traumatized. My husband is so sad without his son. He was our only son. We have a daughter who is going off to college in the Fall. She took a year off after graduating from high school because she didn't want to leave us after losing Aidan. They were very close.
Sorry to say so much but what you said about your feelings toward your son's killer really reminded me of my situation. No one else can really understand who hasn't gone through it. There was no excuse for what that boy did. He knew the risk he was taking. Right before he killed Aidan, Aidan took all the bullets out of the gun and was leaving the room. That boy put one bullet back in. His excuse was that he thought there were 2 empty chambers and he miscounted. He said it was an accident. I wanted to scream when I heard that. There is something seriously wrong with a boy who would do that.
I had better stop for now. Take Care, Mary
Your story was just like mine..we felt the need to blame the hospital because since my aunts death was so unexpected the autopsy showed that the medication they gave her OVERDOSED her..but we still do not know how her body shut down to a medicine that was supposed to help someone on life support. Im really sorry for your 16 year old son, even though i never met you or him im sure he was a great son/kid. I am also really sorry to hear your problem with the police and the whole situation with you or your family bieng denied access to say goodbye to your loving son. It has been almost 6 years since my aunt passed away and i always pray and dream if i could just go back in time and help her and if not atleast say goodbye. Your son didnt deserve what happened to him, and i hope that the 'other kid' gets his punishment in his life..but keep in mind that your son just like my aunt is watching over both you and i making sure no harm is done to us. You are in my prayers and you have all my condolences.
hi everyone,i am on and off here.but i go on the page that everyone writes on when i get one from someone.than i can read them.i have a rough time for tomorrow and the next day,i dont celebrate my birthday much any more.but you all have a nice christmas and god bless you.kristi
It's been awhile since your last post. I just thought about you and hope that you are doing well. I shared some scriptures with a lady today who lost her 19 year old daughter. Then I thought maybe they would encourage you too. Since I said I didn't want to overwhelm you with the Bible, I'll just leave the references and you can look them up in your own copy of the Bible if you want to: Psalm 34:18; Psalm 55:22; 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4; 2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17. I pray that these bring you some comfort and that you are getting along fine.
VERONICA,YES HE WAS A GOOD MAN HE ALWAYS JOKES AROUND AND EVERY THING,I WILL NOT BE ATTENDING HIS FUNERAL AS I WANT TO REMEMBER HIM THE WAY HE WAS,THATS WHAT I DO I GO SEE THE FAMILY AND IF THEY ARE GOOD FRIENDS I USUALLY WANT TO REMEBER THEM THE WAY THEY ARE.MY FRIENDS SAY I AM STRONG BUT I DONT FEEL STRONG.MY DAD EVEN SAID THAT YESTERDAY THAT I MUST BE STRONG TO DO THAT AND I SAID NO BUT I NEEDED TO SEE HER BECAUSE I WENT THROU THE SAME THING ALMOST.THANKS
I'm at a loss for words. I was shocked to hear about your friend. I am so sorry. When we lose someone, people say that it helps to focus not on their death, but on the good memories. You've probably heard that a hundred times, but I think it really works. Especially so in the case of your friend. He must have been going through something very difficult to have taken such a final step. I'm sure that he was a good person. And if that's so, hold on to that. Don't let anyone tell you differently just because he took his own life. We can only presume to really know what moves someone to do that, but that doesn't mean that they are a bad person. I pray that you have the strength to endure this and continue to comfort others as you already do.
THANK YOU VERONICA FOR YOUR CONDOLENCES.IT HAS BEEN HARD BECAUSE HAS BEEN ALMOST 2 YEARS AND NOW SUNDAY MY FRIEND SHOT HISSELF SO IT BROUGHT ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT BACK INTO MY LIFE,JUST WHEN I WAS STARTING TO GET BACK TO NORMAL THINGS KEEP COMING UP.THANKS YOU FOR THE SCRIPTURES,JUST DONT DO THE SCRIPTURES ALL THE TIME WERE I WOULD GET OVERWELMED.BUT THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT WHILE I AM TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE LOSS OF MY FRIEND NOW.YES HE SHOT HIS SELF AND HE DID IT IN THE MOUTH SO IT IS REALLY STRESSFUL FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your son. I read your post and was moved by your expressions. It’s very loving to encourage others while dealing with your own loss. In your original post you said that you were having difficulty forgiving God for taking your son. When my grandfather lost his fight with cancer I was heartbroken. Although I can empathize with you, I cannot say that I know truly how you feel, having lost someone so young.
In any case, for those of us who believe in God it can be hard to reconcile how a God of love (1 John 4:8) can allow our loved ones to die. When going through this difficult time, some friends shared a scripture with me that shed light on this. 1 John 3:8 says, in part, that Jesus was made manifest to "break up the works of the Devil." One of those works is death. I was surprised to learn that the Bible does not teach that death is a natural part of life or that God intended for humans to die. In fact, 1 Corinthians 15:26 tells us that death is our enemy. If it were a natural part of life, would not God have created us better equipped to handle such a loss? As it stands though, we never truly get over the pains of death. But we are not without hope.
In that same chapter of 1 Corinthians, verse 57 says that God has given us "the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!" Jesus spoke of this victory at John 5:28, 29: "Do not marvel at this because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out..." This is the hope that the Bible offers us. I hope that I have not overwhelmed you with Scriptures, but I really believe that God's Word is the only source of true comfort and it has encouraged me through more than just the loss of my Papa. I would love to hear your thoughts, Kristi. Please email me if you'd like: veronicafay at gmail.com.
Hi Kristi,my computer is down but just hang in there,because earth has no sorrow that heaven can not heal. I really know how you feel. I am still praying for you. I didnot write to you because I was to busy crying and thinking about Kris when my birthday comes. He would puckle his lips up and give me a bear hug saying happy birthday od girl. I would tell him go ahead boy,I don't know where those lips been,than here comes another bear hug holding me down trying to kiss me again. I really miss him. So its OK we can cry together each year. Tears are good,they do release stress and some pain.
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I find the incident is what I need to leave behind, the memories of my son and brother are what keep me going. I may have had them for a short time, but I had them. I can still see their smiles, hear the laughter, voice and footsteps. I have great family and friends and have come through hell with their support. I also find comfort in sharing my healing process with others who have lost. I was angry with God first becasue two good Men died because of one drug addict who survived with no harm whatsoever, then I realized God gave man free will and some people abuse that, God is who whas there to relieve their pain and comfort us all through this.
Continue on with what makes you feel best, speak his name as Marc and Alex are spoken of often.
dear cindy can i call you that.yes i have a flag pole in my front yard and last year i put a fence around it and someone gave me a stone so i put that there and than i had another one so i put that there,than i got some bears for his funeral so i put them on wood and than i bought like some other bears like 4 of them little ones and put them there than my husbands aunt came over and planted iris's and someother kind of flowers since we only can have one thing at the cemetary,well than my friends husband made me a box so we could put stuff in at his grave side and someone stole that so he said i deserve to have another one so he is going to make me it for his birthday and i am going to put it in the fenced place by the flag pole so no one takes it i thought it was so heartless after loosing someone and than someone takes something for you so i put it in the paper even thou who ever took it thinks there funny,i guess they do it every year after memorial day.no i do not do gardening only my roses and my flag pole weeds and my husbands aunt usually comes and helps me with that.no i dont light a candle because when i light a candle i start sneezing,i have apicture right by my computer i look at night and day,and say good morning and goodnight.we have a picture up of him my cousin gave me and my husband waves everymorning to him before he goes to work.but yes i hope you can be my supporter for sept 12th to.thanks and write again.krsiti thank you for helping me since i think both are children were about the same age when they passed.he would of been 18 this sept 12th.it will be a hard day.thanks for the help
I am thinking of you tonight. As I was working in my garden today I wondered what activities help you get through the day. The spring after Laura passed away my husband and I started a Memorial Garden, a place we felt we might find some peace; flowers growing and thriving - lots of bright, healing colors. One thing I find especially comforting is weeding. Probably sounds crazy, but pulling those weeds from the ground is so therapeutic for me. Sometimes, when I am feeling especially sad or angry, pulling those nasty weeds helps me vent. Since that first spring I have spent many hours in that garden, and have added more to our property - like the one I planted under the big tree Laura and her brother and sister used to play "fort" under. Each night I light a candle in front of my favorite picture of Laura - I bet you light a candle for your precious son, too. My blessings to you and your family this evening. Hugs, Cynthia
THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY AND IT IS TERRIBLE AND HIS BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP AND WE USUALLY MAKE A CAKE AND TAKE TO THE CEMATARY AND BRING A BALLOON ANDFLOWERS TO TAKE AWAY THE PAIN AND MY FRIEND IS ALWAYS HELPFUL IN THIS TIMEWHEN HIS BIRTHDAY IS AROUND.I HAVE A ADOPT A HIGHWAY SIGN AND ALL THE RELATIVES COME ANDHELP ME WITH THAT AND TOGET MY MIND OFF OF THINGS.HIS BIRTHDAY WOULD OF BEEN SEPT 12TH HE WOULD OF BEEN 18 THIS YEAR AND IN OCT 7TH IS THE DAY HE GOT SHOT.I HOPE WE CAN KEEP WRITING TO EACH OTHER.THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT KRISTI
Hi Kristi, My son name was Kris. Kristi to tell you the truth I am still having pain and heartaches with the death of my son. Everyone tells me that I still have another son and daughter to live for now. I know this,but if you never had this to happen to you than you don'y know how we feel. Kristi this death hurt me so bad that I had a brain aneurysm 1yr. after Kris death. Both your son and my son was killed one shot and other in a fatal car accident. Either way it hurts. I started out seeing a psych. counselor that was provided by fema. It helped some. I still feel the pain,heartache and just him not being around. There is really no certain time for grieving to end. I am truly trying,but it won't go away. So Kristi we are going to pray for each other asking God to ease our pain. Write or call me anytime. My e-mail address is(firstname.lastname@example.org)