Wendy, I will face this heartache next month on August 5. I am dreading it and my prayers are with you. I will light a candle for your precious angel and keep you close in my thoughts tomorrow. Wish I could ease your pain and give you a hug to comfort you.
Your brothers comment was insensitive. Unfortunately,for you, he doesn't know any better. His spouse can and probably will be replaced,and he will forget the pain of his loss. Your precious little boy can not, as one child can't take the place of another,and your pain will always be there. You will always grieve and love Jonah. My heart goes out to you.
I am glad you found us, but sorry you are here.
God be with you,
I read your post about your brother's comment - oh my gosh! Does he have a brain? I am so sorry for the deep hurt you must feel. I know your intellect tells you he doesn't understand but your heart is wounded by his insensitivity. There is no way one can compare these two losses. His was made by a choice - yours was forced on you against your will. I am so very sorry for the pain you must be feeling. I wish I had the words or magic phrase that would make it all better. I am so glad you came here to share your hurt. I hope it helps you process it. I will keep you close in prayer.
Wendy, It has been 10 months since my son Robby Died, and I have cried every single day. NO ONE, has the right to tell us how we should grieve or how we should handle the other siblings. Until a person loses a child they can never ever feel what we feel and have no right to tell us how we should act or how to handle our lives. You came to the right place with this message, our group is here for you, to vent! I found most people have no idea how we feel, and they always say the wrong things to us. Sometimes this is the only place to come. Good luck I will pray for your strength.
Oh, Wendy - I ache for you. People do the dumbest things thinking they are being "helpful". Unless one has walked this path, they cannot begin to comprehend the emptiness in our soul and the longing we have to hold our little ones just once more. My grandson Logan also had open heart surgeries and although we had him for 14 months, he sprouted his angel wings and flew home to heaven last October. The hospital experience is unique and the time in PICU is confusing at best. My daughter has a 4 year old that she concentrates on and sometimes I think that is the only way she copes. You're right, that outsiders don't hear the conversations we have with the children - and wouldn't it be sad to have this loss the main focus of their day. They adjust at their pace. I will pray for this woman for enlightenment and for you for peace.
Wish I could give you a hug for having a bad day. The only thing I can say is people just don't know how to say things in the right context. I am sure you are listening to your son and letting him express himself when ever he wants to. You are his mother and you know him better than anyone.
Try and let that comment go...write it down on a piece of paper and tear it up or burn it in a fireplace.
get it off your mind and have confidence in your Mom feelings.
Try to avoid that person if they upset you too much. Stay around kinder, more understanding people who keep their comments to themselves.
Hugs coming your way.
Tomorrow will be 6 months since we lost our 39 yr old son to Sudden Death in his sleep. He will always be in our hearts. Kind good friends have helped us along our sad road.
Thank you for taking the time to read about him, Lisa. I'm so sorry for your loss of Chad. Throughout my expeirence, everyone understands that it is the worse thing a person could go through. But one step past my grief would be losing a child that I watched grow up into a beautiful person. I'm heartbroken that I have to dream about what Jonah would have become. When I read the stories on here and most are adult children, it's devastating. You're in my prayers.
I am glad you were blessed to know your son if only for a short time and also sorry that you had to endure losing him. Jonah was a great gift to you and I admire how you can look on the positives of having him in your life. My "baby" Ryan was 18 when he died four years ago. Like you I know Ryan taught me so many things in the time he was here. You take care of yourself and your blessed Elijah. I wish you well.
dearest wendy my little kattie is now with GOD ,they placed kattie in Susan's arms and took her off the machine and a few mins. later she took her last breath, will write later Jonah and kattie are at peace .
Hi Wendy, I know what you mean when you say you wish you knew what he was going to look like... It is so hard, We are all in the same shoes on here and I know that doesnt make it any better, but at least we can support eachother. Tomorrow will be hard I am sure, I will hold you in my heart and in my prayers, My Son Joey's 19th Birthday is on Nov. 2, this will be a little over 4 months since he has been gone, It is going to be tough I know so I am preparing myself for it. I am here for you if you need to talk... We all are. Some of us have already been past these dates and they know better then I.
hi wendy, my name is sue I am going throught somewhat what you went throught my great-grandaughter kattie was born 8-31-09, with her heart on the right side upside she needed a heart trasplant she got a heart but her good lung (left side) isn't giving the drs. room for the good heart, so she is left opened with the good heart just sitting on her chest her kineys are starting to fail, a machine is keeping her alive. the drs. will take her off the machines tues. or wed. don't know if I'm coming or going spend most of my time at the hospital with my grangdaughter, also lost a child 13 years ago to a drunk driver.peace always Sue
Sorry I'm so long in replying. I work a lot of overtime and share a computer with 5 people. I know we all wish we had more time with our child for various reasons but for whatever reason, it must be the way it is. My hope is that one day we will be reunited with our children who have gone before us and it WILL be a glorious day!
Your very welcome Wendy. When we lost our infant son, Noah, we didn't know anyone who had lost a child either and then someone told us about a bereaved parent's group that we could go to that met for 12 weeks. The people we knew, at first thought it was morbid that we would go and talk to these people but when they saw how much it helped us they realized that it was just what we needed. I'm glad for this group and the Hospice group that I'm a part of because I can come here or there anytime and talk about my boys or my frustrations or pain without being judged. There is strength in knowing that there is always someone to reach back to you within minutes or a few hours. Don't be hard on yourself in your progress. We all grieve at our own pace and there is no grading scale. I imagine that there will be certain times that you will feel better than others and sometimes the strangest things will make you cry but tears are good. They cleanse the soul. Take care my friend.
Your story is not so different. You lost your son who never got the opportunity to build memories and that will hurt for a long time. I've been on both ends of the grieving parent scale. I lost my son, Noah, 28yrs ago when he was 7wks. old to SIDS. It hurt deeply for a long time and is always with you. I had two more beautiful children after him and there were fears and lots of tears, but also lots of joy. On June 29 of this year, I lost my oldest son, Jon. He was 37. I have to say that it feels very similar to when I lost Noah. I have all the memories and pictures of Jon that I never got with Noah, but he is still gone and it hurts. I know they are both Home Free and that gives me a tremedous amount of peace and strength. If you feel like sharing, I'll listen. I know it helps. Blessings.